Lies & Consequences
by Marcus Sylenus
Summary: Set six months after FN: Logan tries to salvage his relationship with Max. M/L. M Rated due to coarse language and adult themes.
1. Logan

**Lies & Consequences**

AN: Many thanks to Shywr1ter for her superb beta services, patience and advice, and huge thank you to CassieCrimson, who actually encouraged me to stop talking and star writing. You rock, girls!

Logan's thoughts are _italics_, his chorus's are in **_bold_**.

AN2: Several readers asked in reviews and PM's about the time line. While it was very clear in my head, after reading the three chapters in the site it's evident that I slipped there. So I've tried to set a clear time frame for the chapters, if anyone has any questions just PM me. BTW, Logan's time line starts as he tricks the X7 to find Max. Everything else are his musings and memories from earlier in the day.

Thanks.

Chapter 1

**Terminal City - October 14, 2021 09:50 AM**

Logan Cale hadn't felt so energized in, well, years actually. It was the tired, relaxed lassitude one associated with prolonged physical activities, the mix of exhaustion, relaxation and euphoria that only a good fix of endorphins, earned the old-fashioned way, could bring.

He felt _bubbly_.

Like a teenager all over again...

And _still_...

He still had felt a twinge of apprehension, much like the usual, impending sense of doom that had been his constant companion since starting Eyes Only, all those months ago... a lifetime ago...

He had shaken himself from that train of thought, reminding himself that, while his inner commentator was a pessimist and a cynic (indeed, he had his own inner Greek Chorus to remind him of everything that could go wrong, of everything that _had_), he had ample reasons to feel so good.

Two weeks before, he was ready to give up.

After holding hands with Max on the roof, that day gone over six months, he had felt that they could, at least, be friends again, _really _be friends, like they had been during their first year. But, since the ever-present, heavy sexual tension between Max and him (he had long ago admitted to himself that it was exactly that) had ... come to an end (_don't think about that, don't think about him, don't think about them..._) he wanted, he expected, to get his confidante, his best friend, back.

Of course, he had been disabused of that notion quickly.

Almost immediately, Max had started to avoid him. He would spot her across a room, catch her eye, smile and wave, and she would return it, that small smile that he called his...

But as soon as he tried to approach her, something (_someone_) would catch his attention, and a moment later she would be gone.

At first he didn't given it much thought, hadn't even noticed. After all, they were trying to create a self-sustaining city from a pile of toxic rubble and a bunch of shell-shocked soldiers; granted, a bunch of extremely capable, adapting, dedicated SUPER-soldiers, but still...

It had taken him a whole three weeks to start to see the pattern (_**for someone who calls himself Eyes Only you can be pretty oblivious when it suits you**_... chanted his inner voice)-and the guilty stares of some of the transgenics who seemed to always need his attention in the less opportune times.

Then he really had started paying attention to the world flowing around him, to watch the stares fixed on him every time he walked into a room.

He had chalked it up to paranoia, exhaustion, the toxins in the air finally starting to affect him, until he could not avoid the facts any longer (_**and it only took you the better part of a month ...quite the reporter you are...**_).

Luke and some of the other technology-minded residents, his closest companions since the siege began, had looked at him with sympathy and a twinge of pity.

In others, the pity mixed with amazement.

And others held nothing but contempt for him.

Joshua couldn't look him in the eye anymore; he just babbled and spoke to his left shoulder.

Alec was...Alec (_fuck him anyway_).

Max...

Max would act as if nothing happened: he had been asked (by Luke) to sit in on the byweekly council meetings, and while she would never look at him unless he was speaking, or she asked him a question, she acted like nothing was amiss.

On occasion he would catch her unaware, and he could swear he'd see something there, a mixture of the old affection and...guilt? He hadn't been sure of anything by that point, but there was no mistaking the oh-so-familiar soldier mask that would snap into place in an instant, before she found some reason to be, well, somewhere else. And it wasn't the familiar nervousness, he had long ago catalogued all her "tells" (she might be geneticaly engineered soldier with an iron will, but he _knew_ her), the lip-nibbling, the snort coupled with the angry, disbelieving expression, even the cocky, hand-on-hip pose that used to send Sketchy running for his life.

There'd been nothing there. He did not rate attitude. Even a sector cop just doing his job would get more emotion from her.

He'd been at a loss. Why had she held his hand? Was she just "emotional?" Had she simply gotten carried away in the moment? He didn't know, and it was eating at him.

So he did what he usually did, threw himself into his work.

Days became weeks, then months, until he received an email from his contacts in LA. The lab tech who had skipped town almost a year before, leaving them empty-handed and heartbroken, had resurfaced there after purchasing a new identity as a research assistant in a big bio chem firm. Purchased it from _his_ contact. _Ah, the irony_.

So he'd waited. '_Let him settle into his new life, let him gain something to lose.'_

Then he contacted him.

The offer had been simple: finish what he had started, receive full payment and go on with his life, or be exposed to his employers and the world.

And three days ago, Logan had received a package containing his heart's desire.

He had spent most of his (many) waking hours deciding what to do: walk up to her and give her the vial? Slip it to her in secret? He went through hundreds of variations of the scenario, until he realized that he would just have to talk to her; if nothing else, it would make living around her safer...

One other thought that occurred to him was that for a young, loving couple, Max and Alec acted just as they always had, fighting like children: if _he_ could touch her, kiss her...they'd be necking like teenagers all over the place.

Maybe Max was a bit more mature, reserved, and she certainly was more tolerant (_she doesn't hit Alec as often)_ but that was to be expected, considering she ran the place.

So maybe that meant that whatever there was between them (_**if there ever was**_, his hopeful side muttered before being pummeled by the rest of the chorus), it was not as important, as real as what he had once shared with her.

'_**Or maybe they've been together since Manticore... they where breeding partners, maybe they never stopped being breed**__-'_

'_SHUT UP!'_

'_**I was only saying**__...'_

He cursed his curiosity that had led him to ask Gem about the program, and to find out exactly how Max had met Alec...

In the end, he had chosen his present course of action because it was the one he was considering when he realized that he would drive himself crazy unless he acted _now_.

So he had gone looking for Max, determined to see her, no matter what.

'_STUPID!!_ he'd reflect later. _You should have known better than set yourself up like this, open yourself to disappointment and hurt!'_

Everything that day had looked promising; the sun was actually shining, on a rare, bright spring day in Seattle. He actually heard birds singing while he shaved! He thought for a moment that he had actually, finally lost it, but looking out the bathroom window he saw, on a scrawny tree out back, a couple of birds singing, perched next to a small cluster of new, green leaves and small, red-white flowers...

It seemed the world was trying to tell him something, he mused...

'_**Yeah, for an English Lit major you never really understood the use of uplifting moments to underscore tragedy and loss...remember Shakespeare?' **_

'_Shove it!'_

After composing himself in front of the bathroom mirror he had set out for Terminal City, ready to face his fate - and the rest of his life.

_Yeah, right._

Anticipating his usual troubles getting to see Max, he had looked for a young x6, and told him that Mole needed to talk with Max asap, with just the right amount of authority without actually giving the kid an order. Sure enough, he dashed to the Command Center, with a smug Logan on his heels. He watched the kid talk to Dix and Luke, and heard Dix say that Max was exhausted after a mission the previous night, and was resting in her quarters.

So, he had gathered his courage and determination as a cloak around him, _" my rusty armor"_ he mused with a wan smile as he remembered a jab Max had made about him and windmills, a lifetime ago, and he went quietly to her room.

As he stood there, he felt nervous, unsure of himself, suddenly finding a myriad of flaws in his planned speech. He was second-guessing his motives when, suddenly, he heard a noise.

It sounded like a pained moan, and was followed almost immediately by the sound of a body hitting the ground and the strident crash of broken pottery...

MAX!

'_She's being attacked, she's seizing, she needs me!'_

So he opened the door to find Alec on the ground, Max straddling his hips, both naked from the waist up, his eyes closed in ecstasy, while she licked the hollow of his neck, raked the nails (_newly manicured, she must have paid a visit to OC_, his analytical mind noted) in one hand on his chest while the other plunged into the waistband of his jeans...

He remembered to breath, and was rewarded with the heady, musky scent of sex in the room.

Numbly, he turned and walked away in a daze.

'_**I don't want to say "I told you so" but...'**_

'_SHUT UP! Just...not now...'_

He stumbled blindly through the empty corridors towards the sewer exit, only stopping when he run into a wall... a _scaly, foul mouthed, pissed off_ wall...

"Here you are! Who the hell do you think you are, using my name to order the x6's around? Just because _she_ puts up with you doesn't mean--"

"Shut up, Mole!" he snarled, surprising them both when the burly transgenic did just that.

He gazed coldly into the wide, disbelieving eyes and ground out his last words in Terminal City through clenched teeth.

"You're right. I'm _done_ with this shit."

With that, he pushed roughly past the stunned soldier, and walked out of what had been, for the last six months, his life.


	2. Max

AN: Many thanks to everyone that left a review, specially my peeps from DAFans, and many, many apologies to all readers for the delay, but RL can be a b1tch sometimes; as penance, you get two chapters together :D!

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are property of Fox and James Cameron. I do own the story and secondary characters. No profits made.

**Chapter 2 – Max**

**Crash - October 13, 2021 09:10 PM **

Max entered the bar through the back entrance carefully, sweeping the room for threats with a practiced ease that made her grimace. '_So much for not being a soldier..._' Shaking her head, she chastised herself for losing focus, and turned her attention again to the task at hand...

And found the object of said task near the foosball table, flirting shamelessly with a petite redhead.

She smirked, amused. '_Trust my boo to work fast. We were supposed to meet here at nine, and I'm only ten minutes late..._'

Ignoring the many looks of interest from most of the males, and not a few females, she made her way resolutely toward her friend. "What's this" she demanded with an outraged expression, " I get here ten minutes late and you're already sniffing for a new shorty??"

At that, Original Cindy turned around, surprised at the tone, and looked at Max: she had **that** pose, hip to one side, fist propped on the opposite side, and an expression of fury and hurt on her face that was belied by the mischievous spark in her eyes. Cindy turned to her new conquest, to explain the situation to her, to find her gone. She turned again, with a less than amused expression. "You know you'll pay for that, right? You might be OC's best boo, but there's places you should **never** go, and my love life is definitely one of 'em!!! Unless you've finally seen the wisdom of playing for the all-girl's team, that is..." she added slyly... '_after all, two can play this game..._'

Max snorted, and shook her head with a smile. "No thanks, I've got enough problems with my non-existent love life to add all this drama to the mix." They moved towards the bar, got themselves a pitcher of beer and claimed a table at the back of the bar.

'_Close to the exit' _Max mused. '_Can't stop thinking like a frikkin' soldier_'

"So Boo, how are things going with your _family_? Cindy asked after a few minutes of idle banter.

"Boring, actually," Max said with a sullen expression "You know, if someone had told me last year I would miss Normal, hell, miss _Lydecker_, I woulda sent for the boys with the straight jackets, you know? Damn, I miss the days when my worst problem was trying not to kill Normal every time he bip-bip-biped at me, and keeping Sketchy's ass out of trouble..." She sighed, looking at her beer longingly.

"That bad, huh?" asked O.C.

"It seems there's always something that has to be done NOW, and at least three things due yesterday...it can be too much for a girl, ya know."

"Well, Original Cindy knows her best Boo, has faith in her, and if someone can pull that shit off, it's you."

Max looked up at her, and smiled brightly, happy to be with her favorite sister. While she loved and cared for all her extended family, O.C. understood her, _knew_ her like no-one else...except for _HIM_...

Thinking of Logan put an immediate damper in her good mood, wiping the smile from her face. She busied herself with her beer, before O.C. could call her on it. '_Too late_' she thought, glancing at her friend's face from behind the curtain of her hair. Cindy watched her with a soft, understanding smile.

"Thinkin' about your man, ain't ya?"

Max shook her head without looking up from her beer, not wanting to get into the subject with her again.

"I dunno what you're talking abo-" she was cut short by a non-too-gentle smack on the back of her head.

"Hey!!" she sat up straight, looking angrily at O.C. "What was THAT for??"

Cindy stared at her sternly. " Do NOT try that with me, Boo. Original Cindy won't stand fo' none of that bullshit!"

Her expression softened a bit. "How's he doin'?"

Max bit her lip nervously. "Dunno...OK I guess..."

Original Cindy's gaze narrowed at that. "What the hell do you mean, 'you guess', Boo?" she demanded "The boy spends most of his time in...at _your_ place."

Max just shrugged, and stared back at her mug.

After regarding her friend for a few moments, O.C.'s eyes went wide in surprise and concern. "Boo, please tell me you're not giving that boy the cold shoulder..."

Max looked up at her, her eyes suspiciously shiny. "What do you want me to do, Cindy?" she asked sadly, " It's not like we can be best buddies. If i sneeze near the guy he's dead, for fuck's sake!!"

Cindy stared at her with an astonished expression.

"OK Boo, Original Cindy's gonna give you the 411, so lissen carefully, aaight?" She took a deep breath, both to collect her thoughts and to keep herself from smacking her girl again. "The boy is completely, hopelessly in love with you. He risked everything fo' you and your peeps. He lost his crib because of you. He got exposure because of you. He got beat up, shot at, an' became a wanted felon because of you. Not..." she looked around and lowered her voice "...the Eyes, but HIM, Logan Cale, of the Washington Cales. An' he don't give a shit, 'cause he chose his path, he willingly risked everything, knowing the consequences, 'cause it was for you!" She held up a hand in front of Max's face, forestalling her objections. "No, Boo, you're lissenin' now!"

Max frowned, but kept silent, pouting like a sullen six year old.

"Your boy keeps doin' his hacks about your peeps, about how they're just people, victims in all of this. I'm assuming you've seen 'em?" At Max's affirmative nod she asked, "Have you seen one of 'em HERE? Or anywhere outside TC?"

Max looked puzzled, but shook her head. '_Like I have the time to stand around, waiting for a hack..._'

Cindy had suspected as much, but didn't relish the idea of being the one wising her up. '_What the hell, better get it over with..._'

"Boo...most of his hacks are 'bout yo' peeps...an' people are not very happy 'bout it" She licked her lips nervously, unsure of how to continue. "Remember when we used to catch his hack at work, or here? Everyone would shut up an' lissen... nowadays, maybe half the people in a room will lissen, an' most will throw shit at the TV or yell insults at him. Max, for the last five years E.O. was a hero, the _only_ hero in this fucked up city. _Our_ hero. He was our big brother, lookin' over our shoulder not to keep tabs on us but to be there to help us when we need him to. People felt safer, hell _I_ felt safer, slept better, knowing he was watching out fo' _me_! He coulda said the sky was purple, or that shit tasted like Skittles, an' nobody woulda' _dreamt_ of questioning him." She took a long draw on her beer, before continuing.

"These days, he's seen as biased at best, as a liar and a race traitor at worst. He's lost most of the street cred an' respect he worked so hard to get...an' it's because of you." O.C. finished her beer, waiting for the outburst to come.

She didn't have to wait long.

"Dammit Cindy, that's more reason not to be near him!! I've almost killed him twice, broken his heart...I've almost destroyed him..." a tear escaped her eyes unnoticed.

O.C. sighed, and went on. "Boo, when Original Cindy said it was because of you, she don' mean it was your fault."

"Oh yeah? What _did_ you mean, then?" Max demanded, wiping her eyes angrily.

"Original Cindy meant it was FOR you! Damn, do you think your boy's stupid?"

Max looked sharply at Cindy. "He's NOT stupid! He's brilliant, one of the smartest persons I've ever met...!" she stopped talking realizing she'd been baited...quite successfully too.

O.C. smirked triumphantly. " In the words of a famous dead guy, I think you protest too much..." At Max's astonished look, she bristled a little. "What, a sister can't quote Shakespeare? Yer boo ain't stupid either, you know!"

Max raised her hands in a placating manner. "OK OK, I didn't meant nothin' by it, you just surprised me, is all."

O.C. huffed, still a little miffed by her reaction. "Look Boo, the man, as you pointed out yerself, is smart, hell, he's far smarter than the average of his gender! He knew what he was doin', what the odds were, and what it might cost 'im, and did it anyway. He's no ankle-biter, he's a grown man very capable of making his own choices, and he made'em. AND he's living with the consequences. Original Cindy's only saying this to you 'cause he knows that boy is way too proud and secretive for his own good, an' she knows he'd never tell you."

At Max's guilty expression, Cindy stopped talking and looked at her pointedly. '_Why would my Boo look like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar?_'

Then it hit her.

"Boo, please tell me that you at least speak to him..." But she knew the answer, it was written all over Max's face. "Damn it, Max! Why don't you just talk to the man? It's not like you've had any problems with that before. Hell, all you did was talk!"

"What do you want me to talk to him about, huh? What should I tell him? That I love him? That I've never loved anyone before, and never will again, not like I love him? That I cry myself to sleep the rare times I actually manage a few hours alone every two weeks or so? That I always dream about him, there by my side, and waking up alone in my bed kills me a little more every time? Tell me, Cindy, what do you want me to say to him!"

Her rant was cut short by the noise of a mug slamming forcefully on the rickety table, and a strong, angry tug on her arm from Cindy.

Max let herself be pulled down (she didn't remember standing), and stared at Cindy's wide, angry eyes.

"Now you lissen to me, little girl, and you better lissen good, 'cause this is the last time I'm gonna tell ya."

Max was stunned, hurt and little afraid. This was _Cindy_! One of the two persons in the world she trusted completely, implicitly... and she had never seen her so angry...and never at her.

Cindy breathed forcefully through her nose, her full lips a thin, angry line marring her beautiful, always-smiling face. She took a last deep breath, and sat down again, staring intently at Max's wide, frightened eyes.

"When you tol'me that shit about lying to Logan to _protect'im_, I let it go 'cause you were hurtin' badly, but I told ya it was a bad idea. It was more than that, Max. It was hurtful. It was _cruel_. And Logan never did anything to deserve that. All he ever did was love you in every possible way. He helped you, protected you, stood by you an' watched your selfish ass every step of the way! He never stopped doin' it, even when we thought you was dead, and he'll never stop as long as he's alive. He's bought your lie, he's accepted that you' bangin' it with Alec, an' he _still _has your back. He was there when Dogboy was in trouble, an' got him out. He was there when your ass was in trouble, an' got himself in the line of fire for you. If you're going to keep being a stupid, stubborn bitch about your feelings for him, the least you can do is be there for him when he needs you, and girl, he needs you _now_!"

If White had entered the bar right then, wearing a pink tutu and singing "Good Morning Baltimore" Max wouldn't be as surprised as she was at the moment. She'd never seen Cindy so angry, she'd never spoken like that to her before. And she was afraid that she'd lost the only friend she had left.

She felt sick, couldn't breath, couldn't stop crying...

'_**PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER SOLDIER!**_'

That thought brought her out of her daze. She breathed deeply, and forced herself to look at Cindy, expecting to see nothing but contempt and hate in her sister's eyes. Instead, she saw love, understanding and pity, underscoring the traces of anger that were vanishing as she stared back at her.

"Damn, Boo..." OC muttered, and went around the table to hug her.

"Shh, it's OK Max." Cindy whispered in her hair, as she held her tightly and rubbed her back, comforting her as she would a small child. "I'm sorry I got so angry, but you have to stop hurting yourself, and you have to stop hurting Logan."

Max sniffed, relief and warmth washing over her. She looked up at Cindy.

"Boo, what's with the 'Logan' thing? You've said his name more times tonight than in the past two years!"

Cindy laughed softly, happy to see Max was better. "Well, Boo, to tell you the truth, Original Cindy and your boy became good friends over the three months you spent...there."

Max was floored. She had never heard anything about it, from either one of them, and she had never noticed anything different in the (admittedly few) times the three had spent together. She looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to elaborate.

"OK, it was like this. When you didn't come home that night, O.C. assumed you two had finally worked your shit out, an' were too busy kickin' it to let a sister know..." Cindy paused, and looked at Max with a little evil smirk. "Well, either that or you just couldn't help your horny little self, and jumped his bones!"

"Cindy!!" Max turned bright red with embarrassment, and opened her mouth to retort angrily.

"Chill, Boo, Cindy's just yankin' your chain a little!" she said still smiling. She sobered quickly, then, and continued her tale.

"Back then, when you didn't come home, didn't show for work an' didn't answer any pages, Original Cindy started calling Logan, demanding to know what the hell was going on." She refilled both their glasses, and took a long sip before continuing.

"After three days, I swung by his crib, and started bangin' on his door, demanding answers. To my surprise, a small, pretty blond with the bluest eyes Cindy's ever seen opened the door, and lemme tell you, she was not happy with me being there! It's a good thing Bling was home, otherwise your sister woulda kicked my ass out the door in an instant."

Max gasped, surprised. "Syl was there?"

"Yep, she sure was. She told me later that she decided to stay behind to make sure Logan was OK. And it was a good thing that she did, too" she muttered.

Max felt her stomach turn to ice. "What do you mean?" She was afraid to ask, but she was sure she knew.

" Logan spent almost two days sitting on the floor by the big window, crying and drinking. He didn't talk, he didn't move, she just cried your name. And when Syl left to say goodbye to Krit, who was leaving to try and find the others to spread the bad new, Logan tried to kill himself."

Max felt lightheaded. She knew Logan had been suicidal, but after the incident with the gun, he had seemed better, happier even, and she thought she didn't have to worry about it anymore. '_**Psych 101 Soldier, manic depression and suicidal tendencies do NOT go away.**_'

"I never knew," she whispered, tears welling in her eyes again " he never said..."

Original Cindy huffed, annoyed. "Well _of course_ he didn't tell you! What part of him protecting you can't you get? He'll protect you from everything, even himself."

Max was afraid to ask but she had to know, _needed_ to know. "How...I mean...what did he..."

"How he went about it? He downed a full bottle of the painkillers he had for his back. Luckily Bling found him, and made him throw it up. That's when Original Cindy appeared on the scene. After introductions were made, and they broke the news to yours truly, we decided to focus on the matter at hand, and put Logan on suicide watch." Cindy downed the remainder of her been in one pull, her mouth twisted in anger. "Damn male is too clever for his own self, it only took a second of distraction, but he tried to pull the same shit again. Almost succeeded, too."

"What did he do?"

"That damned fool man had a picture of you on his room, you know, from that wedding he took you to? He would stare at it for hours, and we - no, _I_ - didn't have the heart to take that last piece of you away from him, so we let him keep it... and he used the frame's glass to open his veins. An' he didn't do no half-assed job, either. He cut hisself along the veins. We almost lost him. The only thing that saved him was the emergency store of his own blood that you and Bling made 'im start keeping after that little fiasco with his operation."

"But it was the final straw for Bling. He told us that there's two kinds of people who try that shit; those who are looking fo' someone to stop 'em, and them that really want to off themselves. And Logan was one of the latter. If he really wanted to kill hisself, and he really did, Boo, your death had destroyed him, there was nuthin' we could do, short of tie him to the bed and watch him 24/7. He's too smart and resourceful for anything less. So Bling had a long talk with him, alone, and then tol' him to make a choice; he could either live for you, or die for you. To make up his mind and let him know. An' then he left."

Max was speechless. And not a little embarrassed. '_Fuck, I never asked about Bling! I've been a self absorbed bitch, all right._'

"So, what happened?"

"Well, Original Cindy did what Original Cindy had threatened to do several times in the past." she said smugly.

Max was confused for a moment, then an idea occurred to her. '_Nah, it can't be that, right...?_' She licked her lips nervously, and asked. "Cindy, what did you do?"

"I put the smack on his skinny white ass, of course! You shoulda' seen the shock in his face!"

Max smiled a little at that. The image of Cindy slapping some sense into Logan was just too weird. '_God knows I almost did that a couple of times..._'

They shared a little smile, and some of the dark mood lifted from the table. After a while, they managed to collect themselves and ordered another pitcher.

"So, as Original Cindy was saying, your fine sister and me beat into his stubborn male brain that he wasn't allowed to off hisself, and after a while he started to snap out of his self-pitying daze. After that, Syl left to help your brother find the others, and I started hanging with Logan after work. At first it was just to check on him, but one night he was really bad, hurtin' and I did the only thing that came to mind." She stopped to drink, and took on a wistful look, a little smile playing on her lips.

"Well, spill, what did you do?" demanded Max.

"Well after all your praises about the boy skills in the kitchen, Cindy just knew what to do. She ordered him to get his fine ass in there and start making dinner!"

Max couldn't help herself. She giggled. "I just...I can't...and he did it? I usually had to work my charms on him."

"Hey, it worked!" exclaimed Cindy, with a mock hurt expression "And you was right, the man can _really_ cook! Ahh, smart, cute, funny, rich, great cook and probably very good kisser..." she said slyly, looking sideways at Max. She wasn't disappointed, her friend lost her smile instantly. "Too bad he was born on the wrong team!"

Max smiled at her friend, happy that she'd been there for Logan when he needed a friend.

'_When he needed me..._'

She _was_ happy, for both of them...But she realized that she'd assumed, no, she _knew_ that Logan cooked for her, went out of his way to have always something new, something special for her, stockpiling her favorites, and making a sumptuous affair of the simplest of meals, for _her_. And she had lost that, along with everything else. She remembered bitterly the last meal he'd cooked for her a couple of days after her return, when she got careless, she relaxed her guard, and tasted the sauce with the spoon, only to put it back in the pan.

She'd felt the loss of the routine she had longed for so long in Manticore; not the food itself (which was amazing, of course) but the easy companionship, the simple yet profound meaning of their dinner ritual...The realization struck her then. Her mind cast back to the second time she went to his place, after he had tracked her down and broken into her apartment to leave Bast's statue.

"_Do you notice how cats always appear around dinner time?"_

"_I'm told I'm not a half-bad cook..."_

_'He's been courting me! Every dinner has been his way to show me how he felt...' _Another thought sneaked in, unbidden, unwanted. _'And now he won't cook for me anymore. He doesn't invite me for dinner anymore. Does he still cook for himself? Does he cook for other women?'_

The idea of Logan and Asha sharing a bottle of pre-pulse wine over pasta by candle light left her sick to her stomach.

She shook herself mentally, she _knew _Logan wasn't eating as he should, he was thin, gaunt, with a lost, pained look in his eyes every time she checked on him. And she did. She had followed him around more than once, watched him work for hours on end, talking with Luke and Dix while wearing a smile that never reached his eyes, and listened from the shadows as Logan and Joshua talked about art and music while he got his by-weekly transfusion.

No, he wasn't cooking for someone else, but he wasn't doing it for her either....

Thanking Manticore for her ability for multitasking, she gave her full attention back to her friend.

They kept the light banter and the drinking for a while, until Max asked what had been nagging at her for a while.

"Cindy, why did you stop hanging with Logan after I came back? I mean, it sounded like you guys had really hit it off..." She looked up at Cindy's amused snort.

"Oh Boo, you know Cindy loves you like her own flesh and blood, but you can be so stupid some times..." she shook her hear in amazement "What makes you think Original Cindy would desert a friend?"

"You mean you've kept seeing each other?" she asked, surprised and not a little hurt.

"Of course! He helped save O.C.'s life from them Red boys, remember? There's no way she'll forget somethin' like that! And there's the cooking, of course..." She turned serious for a moment. "Boo, there's very few males that deserve Original Cindy's attention, and only two she trusts with her life, who she'll do anything for; and those two are her Daddy, and Logan. I've had dinner with him at least once a week since then, 'specially since you broke up with him." She stared sharply at Max when she said that.

'_Oh god...she's really pissed with me about it. It makes sense, considering what she just told me..._' Max realized that Cindy cared about Logan as much as she did for her, and by telling her about the lie, and asking her to keep her secret she had put her friend (_their friend_) in a very shitty situation.

Her eyes teared up again. "I'm so sorry, Boo, I didn't know...It seems no matter what I do, I only end up hurting the ones I love..."

"Well fuck, sister, STOP HURTING US!" Cindy snapped at her. She loved Max without reservations, but enough was enough. "Stop your fucking pity fest, and own up to him. He deserves the truth. He deserves that you treat him at least as a friend!"

" It's not that easy Cindy! I can't be near him, it's too painful!"

"Oh, I see...It's too painful to talk to him, it's too hard to be fucking polite with the guy, but Cindy's willing to bet that when you need something from him, things become very simple! You can't have it both ways, Boo. You either come clean to him, tell him what you feel for him, and try and make it work, give him the right to choose, or you cut all ties with him, and NEVER talk to him again; neither you nor any other of your peeps. Besides, you're also fucking up Alec's life. They weren't bosom buddies, but they got along, and Original Cindy felt they was becoming friends...also, playing the adoring boyfriend must put a huge crimp in his style..."

Again, Max lowered her eyes, looking guilty. "Yeah, it did..."

"What aren't you tellin' me, Boo? What happened?"

Max took a deep breath, sat up straight and squared her shoulders.

"Well, there's this bar in TC we call it The Bar 'cause no one could agree on a name and one night Alec was a little drunk and he hooked up with an X5 who had just arrived that day and didn't know about us and they were going at it right outside the bar and _of course_ everyone inside could hear them and when some of them went outside to rag on them they realized it was Alec who was supposed to be with me only he wasn't but no-one knew and the next thing I know Joshua was beating the shit out of him for betraying me and the only way to stop him was to tell him the truth and of course everyone at the bar heard and by the next day everyone on the damn city knew so I had to tell everybody why I had lied." she said in one long breath, trying to get it over with.

"Wait, wait, let a sister get this straight: everyone on TC _knows_?"

"Yes..." Max said in a small voice.

"But Logan does not." Stated Cindy.

"No..."

"So now the whole fucking city is lying to my boo?" asked Cindy in a deceptively soft voice.

Max cringed. She'd heard that tone before, and it was _not good_. "Yes..."

"So, Logan wasn't paranoid or crazy, you did have the whole city running interference for you."

At that, Max looked up, clearly surprised.

"Oh come on, Max! Haven't we established that the boy is not stupid? How long did you think you'd be able to pull it off?"

"But...but he never said anything!" she sputtered.

"God, Boo, get it through your thick head already! The boy, no, the _man_ loves you! If he thinks what you're doing to him makes you happy he'll take it and keep his mouth shut!"

"Why... I mean, why keep hurting himself like that..." Max muttered, almost to herself.

Original Cindy reached across the table, held Max's chin firmly in her hand and turned her head up. "You _know_ why, Boo. Because he's a selfless, decent, honorable man, who happens to worship the ground you step on. Because he loves you. Because he's _Logan_." Cindy released her chin, but held Max pinned in her seat with a hard stare. "And all that shit ends _now._ I love you, Max and you'll always be my best Boo, but what you're doing to him now is beyond cruel: every time he enters TC he's being humiliated in front of everyone. You have to stop that."

Max stared back grimly. She knew an ultimatum when she heard one.

So, her choices were to play it safe, keep the hurting at a minimum, and loose the two most important people in her life, or risk

the heartache and pain, and maybe keep the two...

Cindy watched as Max stared intently at her beer. "You know Boo, people have tried that for years."

Max tilted her head away from her mug and to one side, looking quizzically at her friend. "Huh? Tried what?"

"Findin' answers in their booze. It don't work, you know. You can only get drunk."

Max gave OC a small, sad smile, that didn't quite reach her large brown eyes. She looked straight at her friend's eyes "I can smell him, you know?"

Cindy lifted a perfectly shaped eyebrow, wrinkling her nose. "That better not be one of your disgusting hetero kinks, Boo."

Max snorted."I meant that I can smell _HIM._ As soon as he enters TC I know where he is. Good ol' Manticore senses are a bitch, you know. It's bad enough I can't touch him, but he can be five blocks away and I can still smell him."

"That a bad thing?"

"No. Yeah...I don't know. It's just... It makes things harder, you know? One whiff of him and I can't think straight."

Original Cindy smiled slyly at her friend. "So, Boo...what does Logan smells like exactly?"

Max took on a faraway look, smiling wistfully. "He smells of expensive shampoo and soap. Not like, pricey, you know? Sophisticated. And spices. Sandalwood and Cinnamon. And musk. It's Logan's unique blend, his scent. He smells like home..."

Cindy let out a deep breath, annoyed. "Boo, you're so into each other it's not even funny teasin' you anymore. I knew you both were stubborn, but this is gettin' ridiculous!"

"What do you want me to do, Cindy? What _can_ I do? Tell him that I'm lost without him, that I want to tell him everything about my day so he can tell me it'll be OK? That I'm shriveling inside every day that I spend away from him? Max voice had rose, nearly to a shout, tears falling freely, pooling on her chin.

"Well, yeah, all that, with less drama of course." said Original Cindy dryly.

Max slumped in her chair, the fire that shone in her eyes a moment before drowned by pain and sorrow. "I can't." her voice was a hoarse whisper now. "It's too hard."

Cindy couldn't help herself. She had had _enough_ of that line.

"Well _of course_ it's hard! Life is hard! It's pain an' pleasure, sorrow an' joy, hope an' despair, blood an' sweat an' everything in between. And so's love." OC took a deep breath and continued in a soft tone. "You think my life with Diamond was easy? Hell no! It was hard, and painful and it took a lot of effort. And even after the way things ended, all the heartbreak and tears, I wouldn't do anything different. 'Cause it was worth it. 'Cause the memories Original Cindy's got left from Diamond keep her warm at night, an' when she's sad, Original Cindy needs only to remember her smile, an' things don't hurt so much anymore."

Max mulled over this, but still wasn't convinced. "Sometimes...sometimes I think we just aren't meant to be together" she whispered.

To her surprise, OC. snorted and shook her head, with a knowing smile. "Ah, now Cindy knows what you're talkin' about."

"What do you mean?"

"You forget we lived together, Boo. Original Cindy's seen you pouring through that little book, lookin' for answers, and she knows for sure that you got the wrong ones."

Max blushed slightly, but feigned ignorance. "Dunno what you're talking about."

"I'm talkin' about that old copy of Romeo and Juliet that you had by your bed for months. Bet you still have it, too. Borrowed it from Logan, didn't you?"

Max's face was fully red by now. Cindy was right on target, as usual. Except for a little detail.

Max had received the book about a month before the siege, when she still could pretend to be just a regular girl eking out a living in this gray, broken city. She'd been remembering the last time she'd gone over to Logan's, an evening that ended badly. As she fled the apartment, leaving Logan with her usual mantra of 'It's too hard', she heard him mutter to himself something about 'star-crossed lovers'. The phrase had stuck in her mind for weeks, until she asked Original Cindy about it. Her friend replied that it sounded familiar, but couldn't place it. What she didn't know was that someone else had heard them.

The next day, as she was leaving on her last run of the day, Normal handed her a small parcel wrapped in paper.

At her curious expression, Normal told her that he hoped it could help her. He seemed almost...caring, for a moment.

Then the usual sneer of contempt was back, as he bip-bip-biped her out of the building.

"Anyways, Original Cindy's pretty sure you didn't get the point of the story."

Max looked even more defeated, sagging in her seat, elbows on the table and head hung over her hands, clasped around her beer. "What's to get, Cindy? They loved each other, were meant for each other, and the harder they tried, the harder the world pushed back at them. In the end, they got their moment of happiness, and it got them killed. Looks pretty clear to me."

"No Boo, you got it wrong. An' Cindy's pretty sure that your man knew what he was talkin' about. Maybe even givin' you a hint. You read it and thought of you an' Logan, an how being together means he'll die sooner rather than later." she looked sadly at Max." An' that when that happened, you'd probably follow him."

Max was shocked by her friend's words. They were spot on, to the last detail. She started to cry softly, tears mingling with her warm, flat beer.

Original Cindy sighed tiredly. ''Boo, the point wasn't that their love got them killed. That was just the price they paid. The point was that their love, a love so strong that they couldn't stand to be apart from each other, _was worth any price. _In their case it was death, and they paid gladly. Because their days together, no matter how brief, were so perfect that any consequence was right. Because they wanted it badly enough."

" So tell me, Boo. Are you willing to fight and risk everything for your shot at perfect happiness? Because you know Logan is. It's up to you. How badly do you want it?"

Max was just staring at Cindy, her tear-streaked face revealing her inner turmoil. With a shuddering sigh, she hung her head for a moment, before looking up at Cindy, a smile beginning to light her face again.

"I guess...I guess I want it badly enough..."

" Well Sugah, what you need right now is some good old-fashioned TLC, an' Original Cindy is gonna give it to you." With that, they left Crash arm in arm, chatting softly about nothing and everything.

**Checkpoint nearest to Terminal City - October 14, 2021 7:30 am**

Max was happy, and actually looking forward to see Logan. She still felt a little unease, but her night with Cindy had left her relaxed and full of energy. Her gaze started roaming distractedly at the cars lined up at the checkpoint, and she found herself staring at the man driving the car on her right. '_Hey, look at that, he has a nice tattoo. And nice, big arms too...yum_'

The man noticed her stares, and smiled at her. "Hi there honey...See something you like?" he challenged.

Max leaned, no, _draped_ herself on her baby, stretched cat-like and smiled flirtatiously at the man.

"Well sweetheart, now that you mention it, I have an itch, and I can't quite reach it on my own, you know, so I was thinking, maybe you could-"

She was interrupted by the insistent honking of the car behind her, subtly letting her know that she was holding the line. She started to move forward when it hit her...

'_FUCK! I'M IN HEAT AGAIN!_'


	3. Alec

AN: This chapter takes place about the same time that chapter one, 2 1/2 hours after chapter two. I hope it's not too confusing...

**Chapter 3 - Alec**

**Terminal City Command Center - October 14,2021 9:40 AM  
**

When Alec heard that Max had taken the day off, he was intrigued: she usually drove herself and others (himself) to their considerable limits, and then pushed further, taking full advantage of (abusing, in his opinion) her genetic makeup's ability to go on for days without rest. And considering that last night's "mission" had consisted of a few beers at Crash and some girl-only, bonding time with OC, he started to worry; Max never shirked her responsibilities - quite the opposite, in fact. So, after trying to put a dent in his own, ever-mounting backlog of duties without much success, he decided to go check on her.

As he walked he started thinking about his relationship with Max.

Ever since he was arrested and charged of his clone's murders, and the hurt he felt when Max infiltrated the Precinct disguised as his lawyer (she looked _so hot _with glasses) only to accuse him of being a cold blooded murderer, without giving him a chance to explain, and the night-long talk that followed at her apartment while he kept a low profile after he escaped, he felt much closer to Max. He understood where a lot of her anger came from: powerlessness. Of course, if he were to tell her that, she'll probably laugh in his face, or simply smack him. The fact was that Max always had to be in control, on any occasion; it was to be expected, after all. The X5's were designed and trained to be officers, and in Max's and her fellow 09'ers case, to operate with a high degree of independence from command; to be able to make snap judgments on the spot, and have her orders followed without hesitation. Of course, that changed drastically after the escape, and the remaining X5's were..._simplified_...

He still had nightmares about psy-ops and re-indoctrination, but what he never had told Max was that for him and the other clones of the escapees the hell started right after their breakout. He had some flashes of feelings, pieces of memories that predated the escape, but he _knew _he was different after Manticore deemed them loyal enough and returned them to their respective units. Granted, he was far better trained than Max, and was stronger, but if he had learned anything about her in their brief time together, it was that his strength and training didn't really help him with her. The little monster _thrived_ on challenge.

He had seen it the first time he watched her spar on the parade grounds, how she got slapped around a couple of times, but would always jump back up, until she had to be dragged unconscious to the infirmary. Of course, she was still recovering then, nowhere near peak physical strength, but the others chalked it up to weakness. _Idiots!_

Everyone seemed more than ready to ignore the fact that she _had _escaped in the middle of winter, practically naked, blended into the civilian population without any training in that area, and avoided capture for ten more years. No weakling could do that. Alec had heard that the first 30 X5's were special, better, but it had always been regarded as just rumors, specially after Renfro took over; she used to say the 09'ers were weak because they were coddled by Lydecker...another stupid argument, if you were to actually think about it. He had never had the..."pleasure" of serving under the Colonel, but had seen him a couple of times. There was _nothing_ soft about the man, and according to the guards' gossip, he was even worse in his earlier days at Manticore. Alec had the chance of reviewing his service jacket while doing some recon for Eyes Only (well, he should've been doing it, but his curiosity got the better of him) and the man was hardcore. There was no way that Max or her unit was _soft._

And of course, as she got healthier, she demonstrated just how good she was; while she hadn't had all their training, and was sorely lacking in many areas, her tactical, leadership and evasion skills were unsurpassed: which was to be expected. Most of his unit mates assumed the 09'ers just found themselves a nice hole in which to cower, but the little bastards had grown, evolved, learned beyond the narrow scope of their training.

Exhibit A: the infiltration and destruction of the genetics lab.

Exhibit B: Maxie's incredible skill at hand-to-hand combat, using techniques and martial disciplines they'd never heard of, and combining them in new, effective and _painful _ways. He shuddered to think that there were another half dozen like her running around...

No wonder Logan worshiped the woman, she was amazing...

He winced at that thought. For all her good qualities, Maxie could be incredibly stupid.

Of course Logan believed her. Anyone who hadn't slept through Psych 101 could see that the man, while being extremely talented, capable and well connected, had an astonishing low self-esteem, especially regarding Max; he wouldn't be surprised if the poor guy had been expecting to be dumped for months...

The man had spent the last five years running a very effective, well thought out op, doing recon, amassing and processing a wealth of intel, and using it in well aimed, precise strikes against his enemies. Just because he didn't _kill _them didn't detract from his success rate. He had managed to con an X5 to be his main operative, and tracked down several ex-Manticore personnel, outsmarted Lydecker on several occasions, and helped plan the genetic lab's raid. And to top it off, he actually had made Renfro blink, forced her hand and tracked down the Seattle base and had it destroyed...all in under three months.

The man was dangerous.

But shake a certain transgenic derrière in his face, and he couldn't out-think Sketchy. The man was a lost cause.

It wasn't that Alec hated the guy. Actually, when he could get past his annoying attitude and Logan's distrust of him (_ Logan was still sore about the tech, he knew_), he rather liked the guy. He even admitted to himself (never out loud) that he admired Logan's selflessness and single-minded dedication to his cause: specially since he was part of that cause. He liked to think that they could have been friends.

He felt again that annoying twinge of remorse about the lie Max had told him... while Alec agreed that ordinary and transgenic couldn't work out, that it wasn't safe, Logan was nowhere near his definition of ordinary.

He snorted, thinking how it hadn't worked as Maxie expected. Sure, Logan had stopped inviting her over, and had given up on trying to be with Max, but he still did anything she asked of him, hell, anything anyone in TC asked, or needed. The guy was actually pretty useful, and many transgenics in the city knew it, and respected him. He wasn't "Max's ordinary" anymore, not for a while now.

He was _Logan._

Problem was, rumor had spread like brushfire about their break-up, and the reason for it - or rather, the story Max had told everyone. And by going along with Maxie's lie, he was fucking Logan up, making him suffer, crushing his spirit... and the guy still had her back. Still had _his_ back. It made him feel like shit. And he didn't like to feel guilty, it wasn't him; he didn't do guilt or remorse.

And to top it off, after his little...indiscretion outside the Bar, everyone knew something was up; instead of killing Alec for cheating on her, she actually defended him. '_Although she did take her sweet time doing it, Joshua almost ripped my fucking arms off..._'

He assumed that was the end of it, after all, everyone there knew, and there was no way to cover it up, Logan would hear about it and confront her. Of course, Max did the impossible; she ordered everyone to pretend nothing had happened, and to keep Logan out of the loop. Hell, she even ordered them to make sure she was never alone with him! And every last one of them obeyed. There was no wiggle room, no possible bending of the orders: for someone claiming not to be a soldier, the bitch was _way_ too good at commanding troops.

As he was approaching her quarters, located in an almost deserted part of Terminal City (she had opted for more space and privacy, as opposed to being near the neural center of the city), his thoughts about Max went from concern for her well-being to appreciating how fine she looked on those low-slung, tight fitting leather pants she favored, or how she looked last week, at the gym , clad in a pair of sweat shorts and a short white tank top, that showed her...

He stopped mid-step, concerned. While all those thought were accurate, and, well, _him_, he didn't usually let his mind wander in that direction...except sometimes at night, he conceded, but not in the middle of the day, not like that. Contrary to popular belief, he had a considerable amount of restraint and self control, and losing focus like this was not normal for him. Mindful again at the task at hand, he noted he was standing in front of her door, so he composed himself, donned his trademark smirk and called jovially, while knocking loudly on her door.

"Hey Maxie! Wake up!" Pausing a moment, he tried again "come on, I know you're in there, and I know you were at Crash, last night, sooo...cutting work to sleep off your hungover off? What would Logan say about it?"

There! If the noise didn't get her to open the door, ragging on Logan would: for all her posturing and claims that she was over him, she was fiercely, violently protective of him...he still winced remembering the beating she had given to a very drunk x5 at the Bar, who had expressed very loudly his less than flattering opinion of Logan, and his intention to locate, beat the shit out of, and expel the ordinary of Terminal City, where he didn't belong. Nobody paid much attention to him, although Joshua seemed a bit worried. It was common for drunken transgenics to rag on ordinaries while wasted, and being their resident ordinary Logan was more often than not mentioned in less than sterling terms. But nobody ever acted on it; if nothing else, the man did pull his weight. Max however, also having partaken heavily of the recently acquired bounty of hard liquors that night, took his remarks to heart, and quietly followed him out.

They found the poor bastard jammed upside down in a dumpster a few blocks from the bar, with a concussion, six cracked ribs, a broken arm and a small (about size 7, coincidentally Max's shoe size) boot-shaped imprint in his groin area, as if _someone _had stomped there repeatedly... he shuddered again... no, if bringing Logan up didn't get her attention, then there was something _seriously_ wrong with her...

He knocked again, loudly.

"Come on, Maxie, open up!"

"Go away, Alec!"

He smiled in glee. She did sound hungover, her voice sounded hoarse, labored, and she didn't waste her breath in insulting him, so she must be _really_ bad. He decided to make the best of this tactical advantage, and see how far he could push her before she shoved him out the door.

'_It's not as if I have anything better to do_' he thought, refusing to think about all the work waiting for him.

"OK, Maxie, ready or not here I come!!" With that, he forced the lock and entered her room.

He was assaulted by a very strong smell, strange yet somehow familiar, that he couldn't place... his mind felt foggy, and his body, well, his body had a lot of ideas that was just now beginning to share with him... and then it hit him.

'_She's in heat!!!_'

He muttered "oh, fuck..." before hearing a low, throaty voice purr behind him.

"Yeah, let's"

And then she pounced.

*******************************************************************

**Max's room - five minutes later.**

"Logannn..."

Hearing Max's voice purring _that_ name, while nibbling his stomach and undoing his pants (damn, she _really_ could multi task) brought him down abruptly from his pheromone-induced haze: nothing like hearing the woman you are about to fuck moan another man's name to kill the mood, _fast._

"Max, stop!" he tried, " You really don't want to do this with _me_..." he emphasized the last word, trying to get her to regain enough control to make his escape before they did something she really would regret. And, he realized with surprise, something he would regret also. For all her good looks and nice (OK, insanely hot) body, he really saw her as a friend, and an older (again, really _really_ hot) sister, and didn't actually want to have sex with her, specially in these circumstances.

"Wanna..." growled Max. "Need to...Logan, please, I need this...!" she nuzzled his chest, blinked and looked at his eyes, first with confusion, then apprehension and finally with shock and anger.

'_Uh oh...here we go..._'

"ALEC!!!" In a blur, Max was across the room, covering herself with her hands while staring daggers at the man on the ground before her. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!!!"

Alec leaned up on his elbows, sighed and looked at her.

"Well Maxie, I came to talk to you, to see how you were doing, but you didn't let me explain, you were too busy getting into my pants for chit chat." He tried to look nonchalant while standing up, but having his pants undone, not to mention a raging erection, spoiled the effect a little. Still, he fixed his clothing, snatched his shirt and jacket from the floor and got dressed quickly, all the while avoiding eye contact with her. He knew that while angry, she'd be able to control her urges, so he added, "but since you seem to have changed your mind, and nobody likes a tease, I'll be on my way." With that, he threw her his most infuriating smirk and dashed out the door just a step ahead of a chair aimed at his head.

Closing the door firmly behind him, he made his escape toward the next building over, where a group of x5 and x6 women resided, all new mothers, courtesy of Renfro's breeding program. Spotting one he knew from his old unit, he called out to her. "Jenn, wait!"

"Hey Alec. What are you doing around here?" She looked at him suspiciously. "Don't tell me you sneaked away from the Command center for a little nooner... Max'll kill you someday, you know that, don't you?" While they'd never been close as Biggs and he were, they were on good terms, and had become friends when she arrived at TC a few months back.

" You wound me, Jenn, you really do!" Alec became serious. "But I'm not the one in trouble. Maxie is. She's in heat."

"Oh? And what's exactly the problem? Performance anxiety?" Jenn smirked at his suddenly outraged look.

"HEY!! The problem, smart-ass, is that she doesn't do heat."

"Huh? What do you mean?" she looked at him like he was insane.

Alec sighed, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "OK, I'll try to talk blond for your benefit." He smirked again; "you forget she's an 09'er, and she's spent the last 12 years outside, without the suppressing drugs, without the 'talk', either locking herself up or jumping strangers in the street, neither of which is good for her already less-than-sunny disposition. She just jumped me, thinking I was Logan."

Jenn suddenly understood. "Oh. So, she's horny as hell, more pissed than usual and looking to kill you. OK, got it. So what do you want me to do?"

Alec stared at her. "Well, I thought you could take her shopping." he bit out sarcastically. "I want you and your neighbors to keep an eye on her, She's in very bad shape, very pissed, and the last thing we need is a horny transgenic on the loose around the city, looking for someone to fuck and then kill, not necessarily in that order."

Jenn held her hands up in surrender, before giving him a mock salute trying very hard, with little success, not to laugh at his acting C.O.'s expression. "Yes SIR!" she barked, " you can count on us, SIR!" With that, she made an about-face and skipped into the building, laughing out loud.

Alec rolled his eyes, and set toward the Command Center, grumbling. "Everyone is a fucking comedian this days..."


	4. Falling Apart

AN: OK, I've set a more precise time frame for the story. So far, on the morning of 10/14/22 Alec goes to check on Max, to find she's in heat. At about the same time Logan arrives at Terminal City, and makes his way to Max's room, to find her half naked and all over Alec. Max's chapter takes place the night of October 13, and ends shortly before the other two chapters.

I've borrowed heavily from Joseph Campbell's "The Hero of a Thousand Faces" in this chapter, if anyone wants to find out more about him and his works you can check his Wikipedia entry. Of course, any Star Wars fan _should_ read it!

The lyrics used are from "I'm Leaving Now", by Johnny Cash.

**Chapter 4 – Logan.**

**Near Terminal City's Sewer access – October 14, 2021 10:50 AM**

He walked.

He didn't think, he didn't look where he was walking. He ignored the infrequent transgenic he passed by and the even rarer greetings he received from a couple of them.

He just walked.

He had to get _out_.

He bumped into someone, he thought, but it barely registered in his conscious mind. It wasn't until he was within sight of the sewer entrance, his usual point of egress from TC, that he slowed down, and started to pay attention to his was the tunnel entrance, shielded from outside view by a partially collapsed building, that the transgenics had discretely concealed and fortified. At the moment it was guarded by a trio of X5's, one of whom he knew in passing...

'_What was her name again? Some color I think..._'

'_**Does it matter? Do you give a shit?**_'

'_...no, not really..._'

He noticed other things, now.

The smell, that mix of unknown chemicals and human waste that left his sinuses itching for days after each visit.'_Well, there's something to look for, clean Seattle smog from now on..._', he mused with a strained, slightly manic smile. He also heard his name being called. He turned his head, and saw Luke walking in his direction.

"Hey Logan, wait up!"

He stopped, his body still poised towards the exit, his neck craned in an awkward angle to look at Luke. He just stood, waiting for him to catch up.

"I thought I missed you, I needed to ask you something..." Saying that, Luke started to turn and walk back towards the Command Center, motioning Logan to follow him. "Remember we started to monitor and record the signal feeds of the TV crews, to complement our perimeter surveillance?"

"Yes. It was my idea."

Luke stopped and turned, surprised to find Logan still standing in the same spot he found him, and after a moment's hesitation he walked back to him. "Uh, yeah, of course, it was..." he was starting to feel unnerved. Logan had always been willing, even eager to talk with Dix and him, and spent most of his time in TC with them. Now he seemed..._distant_.

"Well?" Logan's tone brought Luke out of his reverie, and he focused on the older man's face.

"Ah, well, we found these weird comm signals embedded in some of the feeds, in a strange frequency...I wanted you to have a look at the data; you've had a lot of experience in that area, after all..." He tried to make light of it, to dispel the sudden awkwardness of the moment. He felt...small, vulnerable. He suppressed a chill, and continued. "I was hoping you'd take a look at it..."

Logan cut him mid-sentence. "You already said that. Is there anything else?"

Luke looked at him, _really_ looked. Something was wrong. Even when moody, frustrated (which was often), or just pissed, Logan was polite to a fault. It was one of the things he had first noticed about him, and that had endeared to him; even in the most extreme situations, he never raised his voice, (except to argue with Max sometimes, but she never reacted, which annoyed him to no end) and never took out that anger and frustration on those around him (the occasional, stubborn pieces of equipment weren't so lucky), and he always had time for the resident techs; he joked with them, talked at length on any topic they broached, and seemed, no, he really did enjoy sharing with them his seemingly endless bag of computer and programming tricks. They had learned much from him, and considered him a friend. But the person staring at him in a cold, calculating way was not his friend. Luke shivered under his unrelenting gaze, feeling an almost forgotten feeling, something he thought had left behind at Manticore: dread.

He was, suddenly, inexplicably, _afraid_ of Logan.

He moistened his lips, unsure of what to say. Looking around wildly, searching for something, _anything_ to break that stare, he focused on Logan's right fist. It wasn't the way it was clenched, so tight the knuckles where white, but the blood dripping slowly from it. "Logan, your hand! You're bleeding!"

Logan glanced at his hand, and seeing the blood seeping between his fingers, opened his hand.

'_Huh, that should hurt..._'

'_**Do you want it to hurt? Because now that you're paying attention, let me tell you, it'll sting like a bitch.**_'

He ignored the sassy, mocking voice that he had long ago labeled his 'Inner Max', the well from which he drew all his snappy comebacks.

'_**I thought we weren't going to mention her name anymore. You can't even go fifteen minutes without bringing her up...**_'

'_Fuck you, I'm not..'_

'_**Shya, right...**__'_

'_I'M NOT!_'

He took a deep breath, and as he released it was hit by the pain in his hand. Looking closely, he had crushed the antigen's vial, and embedded several of the glass shards into his palm. Stifling a grunt of pain, he shook his hand, dropping the remains to the ground. Looking up to Luke again, he pinned him with his gaze and lifted an eyebrow questioningly.

"Uh, are you OK? Maybe we should go to the infirmary, have Miri clean your wound..." Luke hesitated again, he felt that the wrong move would be bad for him. He didn't know how or why, but was getting really freaked out by Logan's almost complete lack of reaction to his injury. He looked down, bent and retrieved the glass remains. It looked like an medicine ampule, capped with a sealed rubber barrier, designed to be drawn with a syringe. There was a small amount of some clear liquid still there, mixed with Logan's blood. "Logan?" he asked softly, as if afraid to spook him, "what is this?"

The sudden bark of laughter, cold, humorless, hit him with almost physical intensity. He stepped back unconsciously.

"That? That's just shards of hopes and dreams."

For a moment, Luke thought he saw a flash of something in his eyes, pain...despair... But it was gone as quickly as he appeared, and found himself again the focus of those famous green eyes...only there was nothing remotely human in them... He stepped back again, fighting the sudden rise of bile from reaching his mouth. "Logan..." he tried again.

Logan looked at him, _through_ him, and gave him a small, mirthless smile. "Goodbye Luke, and good luck. You'll need it"

With that he turned and left.

Luke stared at his retreating back, saw him walk past the guards without slowing down, ignoring them. He also noticed Cyan's pretty face go from a warm smile to a frown, and then to the familiar, blank soldier face that was drilled into them from the time they could walk. Something was seriously wrong.

And it seemed that it fell to him to do something about it. '_Oh joy..._'

******************************************

**Joshua's house ****– October 14, 2021 2:30 PM**

He didn't remember how he had gotten there. The walk back from TC usually took him a half hour, so he guessed he must have wandered a bit, but really didn't know.

Didn't care.

He went to the bathroom, retrieved his med kit and cleaned and bandaged his hand. He poured himself a stiff drink, booted up his rig and logged in.

'_That's it, just work, focus on the downtrodden..._'

'_**Blah blah, woof woof, right? And here I thought you weren't going to...**_'

"I'm NOT!" he screamed, heaving his glass at the wall.

After standing there, breathing heavily, for what it seemed an eternity, he sat down, put on some music and checked his messages. There were many of them...but only four from the Informant Net. And three of them were from contacts that told him that they would be unavailable for the unforeseen future...in other words, he had lost three more pieces in the vast network he had worked so hard to achieve, for so long...

The last one was marked urgent. From Matt.

To:mercury

From: papertiger

Re: Warrant.

_Logan, White decided to move you from "wanted for questioning" to the top of his shit list. You're charged with several crimes, including assault with a deadly weapon and murder.__ The warrant for your arrest is being processed NOW, and will be distributed at all checkpoints and broadcast across the city in time for the 11 pm news._

_My advice is to leave town immediately, or to go to ground with your "extended family"._

_Good luck_

He laughed at that.

"Well, of course it had to happen today..."

He checked the rest of the messages. Most of them were requests and updates for supplies for TC. Since the beginning of the siege, he had arranged many acquisitions for the transgenics through second and third hand intermediaries, to avoid leaving a trail or pattern in the purchases, and had also searched for and set up many "supply runs" for them, drug deals, money laundering transfers, corrupt politicians holding substantial amounts of cash in their homes or offices... At first seemed like the perfect solution, he got a veritable army of operatives to gather intel for him, while they acquired the much needed, untraceable funds for TC. But at some point his crusade became a secondary concern, almost an afterthought, and on more than one occasion the raiding party returned with the loot but not his requested information. Sometimes they made excuses, claiming that carrying on with his objective would have meant exposure, but for the most part just ignored him when he asked.

'_So, from caped crusader to criminal mastermind...quite the career change._'

'_**Well, they say the hero and villain are just a small step from each other, two steps of the same journey...and besides, you're no "mastermind. Just a glorified research assistant**__._' mocked his chorus.

'_Don't start misquoting Campbell at me._'

'_**First, it's not misquoting, it's paraphrasing. And since you brought it up, let's take a closer look, shall we?**_ _**Let's begin with the Departure.'**_

'_**The Call to Adventure: your early days as a fiery journalist. Check.'**_

'_**The Refusal of the Call: you left the Pacific Free Press. Check'**_

'_**Supernatural Aid: your apprenticeship with Nathan. Check'**_

'_**Crossing the First Threshold: you began Eyes Only. Check'**_

'_**The belly of the Whale: the shooting. Check'**_

'_**Then there's the Initiation.'**_

'_**The Road of Trials: the fucking chair. Check'**_

'_**The meeting with the Goddess: need I say it? Check'**_

'_So much for not mentioning her...'_

'_**Shush, you.'**_

'_**The woman as Temptress: see points one and two. Check' **_

'_I can't help to notice you're bending things a little...'_

'_**Hey, I said I was paraphrasing...And you can't deny she's your Innana, goddess of sex, war and destruction. Yep, that's our Max.**__'_

"That's enough. She's not my _anything_." he muttered. His hands shook with anger. "And she never was." Trying to calm himself, he returned to the remaining messages.

They were requests from TC.

_Demands_ from TC.

He started to pay attention to the music, and when he recognized the song checked the play list...Yep, it was his "angsty" selection. He laughed again when the next song started.

_Hold on honey I'd like to say  
I'm busting out and breaking away  
I'm letting you go like a hot horse shoe  
I can't take another heart ache from you_

_Think about how it's gonna be  
When you start back to needing me  
When your dancing shoes have lost their shine  
I'm gonna be gone in mine_

_I'm leaving now  
I'm leaving now  
Get out of my face  
Get out of my place  
I'm leaving now, adios  
I'm leaving now_

As the song continued, Logan went back to the messages from Terminal City. He went through them again, shocked at some of the requests.

_And the time it comes when you trim the fat  
Feed the kitchen scraps to the front seat cat  
Bye bye baby when the bills come due  
You might have to give up a jewel or two  
_

Mole wanted cigars.

Alec...wanted alcohol for the Bar.

And..._she_...wanted a new fuel pump for her baby.

_Eat your heart out anyway  
It's hard as your head and it's cold as clay  
It's all over now you won't have me  
Your sugar daddy or your money tree_

'_Is this all I am to them? Their personal shopper?_'

'_**Face it man, you're not the boss anymore. You just manage supplies. An overqualified errand boy.**_' said softly the down-to-earth, wiser voice he likened to Bling

He stopped cold at that. It -- fuck, _he -- _was right.

He had gone from being a valued ally, their defender, to an overworked, _unpaid_ employee. One about to become a liability as soon as the wanted posters went up. And he knew what would happen. They would cut him off. Cut their losses, and leave him hanging. After all, he had done the same himself once before to one of his own, when one of his contacts got roaring drunk and murdered a waitress in a bar. He had felt like shit, but it was necessary for the cause. To protect the rest of the Informant Network.

He felt sick. Couldn't draw breath, couldn't think straight.

'_By this time tomorrow, I'll probably be dead..._' he realized

'_**If you are lucky. Worst case scenario is a prolonged stay at Chateau White's. And while you'll end up dead eventually, it'll take you a long time to get there. If nothing else, he probably remembers you from the Jam Pony fiasco, and he didn't look like a guy who can take a joke...**_'

He sat there, stunned, for a long while, mind a whirl with his many problems and possible solutions.

'_**I think the correct terms are shitload for the first, and jack shit for the latter...we're thoroughly fucked, you know...**_'

That snapped him from his daze.

How? How did he get from hero of the oppressed to sacrificial pawn? Then it hit him. It all started since _he_ showed up.

Assassin.

Liar.

Backstabbing, amoral piece of shit.

"_Alec..._"

Saying the name brought the taste of copper and bile to his mouth. He started shaking, then screaming, and throwing things around. He didn't remember for how long, only that he let all his pain, loss and frustration focus on _him_. God how he hated the bastard, he wanted him to suffer, wanted him _dead_.

Suddenly, he stopped.

He looked back to his thoughts and ramblings of the last days, and realized what he had been thinking about. With a shuddering sigh, he went to his bedroom, packed some clothes, took his emergency bag, and went back to his work station. He sat in front of the rig for a long time, then sent the command to the Informant Net to go to ground, the order he reserved to be used in case of full exposure or infiltration.

Then deleted it all, and the years of work it represented: he destroyed the Informant Net.

Hands shaking, he tore a page from his journal, wrote a note and left it on the living room table under a small, black velvet bag. Logan stored his laptop and gun in his backpack and went to retrieve his journal, but after holding in his hand for a few moments, it felt as if it weighed a ton – and he threw it in the trashcan. After that, he triggered the small EM device installed on his computers as a last resort in case of intrusion, and walked out the front door to his car. He looked back at Joshua's house for the last time, and drove off.

'_**Wow, deja vú.**_'

'_Shut up..._'

******************************************

AN 2:

The reference to Innana, or Ishtar, is one I like very much, as she was portrayed as the goddess of war, chaos and sex in ancient Sumeria, Babylon and Akkad. One of her many facets as goddess of sex (but not fertility, she's never pregnant, nor does she have children, despite having taken a human husband) is of Innana wandering the streets and taverns looking for men to have sex with, and discard afterward; there's no love involved, just sex, lust and naked desire personified... and to refuse her is to cause her wrath, bringing death and disaster on the poor bastard.

To me, that just screamed Max in heat.

I didn't want to complicate things, but the simile it's too inviting to ignore, specially on a distraught and heartbroken Logan, who is, after all, a man of letters.

On another note, I don't like to beg, but come on people! Almost a thousand hits and only 24 reviews? You're killing me!


	5. Hard Truths

**Chapter 5 – Hard truths.**

Terminal City – October 14, 2021 11.00 AM

He started to walk back to the command center, cursing at the thought that he would have to deal with every little detail for the next two days. '_As if I didn't have enough shit to deal with before..._'

Alec dragged his feet morosely, trying to come up with something to get him off the hook, but knew there was no point; he _was _SiC, which meant taking charge in exactly this sort of situation. There was no loophole, no way around it: he had to step up to the job, and do it right, which meant to _her_ standards. '_Fuck..._'

He stopped suddenly, smiling widely. He _was_ in command. And wasn't one of the perks of the position to delegate?

He went quickly back to his office, grabbed his to-do list and started handing out chores to any transgenic unlucky enough to be on sight. '_After all_,' he mused '_I'll be doing Maxie's work today_'

"Hey Dix!" he called out. "Have you seen Mole today? I have to run some things past him."

Dix looked up from his workstation, and thought for a moment. "Well, he was here about half an hour ago, looking for Max. Boy, he was pissed!"

'_Oh great, just what I needed today..._' Alec gave an exaggerated sigh, and asked. "What is it today? He run out of cigars? Logan's still too ordinary for his taste? What?"

"He came by because an X6 told him Max wanted him here ASAP...and when he found out she wasn't coming in today went back out looking for the kid, Elric I think was his name. From what I heard later, the kid had received the message from Logan, so Mole's been trying to find him to kill him."

"OK... when you say kill him you mean give him a stern lecture, right?" Alec asked anxiously. '_Great, less than an hour in charge and I'm already regretting getting out of bed..._'

Dix laughed at his expression. "Of course, even Mole isn't stupid enough to actually hurt Logan...he was the one that found that X5 at the dumpster, after all."

Alec grimaced again at the memory, and unconsciously shifted into a defensive stance, covering his crotch. The fact that almost every male in hearing range did the same did little to ease his mind. It was never clear what had happened exactly, it was a little extreme even for Maxie, so he supposed that Brent must've said something very stupid to her when she confronted him; hell, she'd been less vicious with the Familiars at Jam Pony. Shaking his head, he went looking for Mole, to try and calm him down.

Eventually he found him at the Bar, looking morosely at the beer in front of him.

"Mole, old buddy, there you are!" Alec sat himself on the stool beside Mole, and ordered a beer for himself. "So, I hear you've been looking for Logan" He talked lightly, but was a little unnerved by the other man's attitude. He looked...subdued. Not like himself at all.

Mole took his bottle and drained it in one long pull. "Found him." he said, without looking up.

'_Shit, this doesn't sound good_.' Alec motioned for a refill, and turned sideways in the stool to face him. "Oh, so you found him. That's good. Isn't it?"

Mole glanced at him for a while, before answering. " I don't know."

"What do you mean?" he felt a stab of dread in his gut. "What did you do to him?"

At this, Mole turned and spoke in his usual tone. "Hey, I didn't do anything to her pet! Didn't touch a damn hair on him." He hesitated. "It's just...I was going to rip him a new one, you know, for using that X6 for his fucked up games with Max, and he just...snapped at me." His next words where whispered so low that Alec wouldn't have heard him from five feet away. "And I just stood there..."

Alec was surprised, to say the least. Mole never gave an inch, unless he absolutely had to, and he wouldn't piss on Logan if the man were on fire...something was definitely wrong here. "What do you mean?"

Mole huffed, and answered in a low, harsh voice. "I froze, OK? The way he snapped -- no, he ordered me to shut up and get out of the way -- was too much like Manticore. I just stood there while he basically told me to fuck off and left. And that's all you'll get from me. But Max's going to hear about this, as soon as I finish my beer."

"Ah, about that...I wouldn't go near her for the moment. Say the next two days or so?"

Mole gave him a puzzled look that gave way to an understanding one after a moment. "So she's 'indisposed'"

"Yeah, and pissed as hell. I wouldn't go near if you want to keep your neck attached to the rest of your body. Remember Brent?"

Mole winced at the memory. "Yeah. So, you're in charge now?"

"Yep. So I would take it as a personal favor if you'd lay off Logan until she's back to her lovable self again. I'd rather not deal with him for now."

"I don't think that'll be a problem. He was going to the sewers exit, and in a foul mood. I don't think we'll be seeing him for a few days at least."

Alec relaxed at that, but was still intrigued by Mole's reaction to his encounter with Logan. He decided not to press for the moment. "Well, that's good. Have another one on me." With that he left him.

As he was exiting the bar, he run into Luke, and his smile and the teasing remark he was about to make died on his lips.

Luke was _terrified. _Alec grasped Luke's shoulders to steady him"Hey man, what's wrong? Calm down!"

Luke was still leaning awkwardly against him, having lost his balance when he collided with Alec. "Alec, it's Logan..."

He rolled his eyes. '_Well of course it's Logan..._'

Fifteen minutes and three beers later, Alec was seriously concerned.

First Mole, then Luke... '_What the fuck's wrong with that man? And how exactly did he pull it off?_'

He decided to retrace Logan's steps, to try and figure it out.

**************************************

After a brief chat with the guards, particularly Cyan, he decided to look into the matter more seriously.

Something was _very_ wrong.

Even when angry, hell e_specially_ when angry, Logan never lost his composure. He was always so fucking _polite. _While thinking this Alec started to walk back to the Bar, when he noticed a freshly clotted blood trail moving away from the sewers...

'_Or going towards them..._'

He remembered what Luke had said about Logan's hand, and took the broken ampule from his pocket. There was some blood, but instead of being dried, as he'd assumed, it was still somewhat liquid, and a little clear in color, as if diluted...

He frowned. "This is getting weird..." Intrigued, he decided to follow the blood trail, to try and find out what had made the man snap. As the trail led him away from the Command Center, he started to get uneasy...there weren't many places for Logan to be on that side of TC...except...

"Oh FUCK!!!"

He blurred towards Max's apartment...and sure enough, the blood led him to her door. He knelt by the door, testing the stain. '_The larger spot is still fresh...and there's a lot more than a few drops...he must've stood here for a few moments, even a couple of minutes, less than three hours ago..._' Alec didn't need to run the math to know what had happened at Max's apartment within that time frame...

'_He saw us..._'

"Hey, what do you think you're doing here?" He looked up to see Gem glaring at him. "Of all people, YOU know that you've got to stay away..."

"Yes, I know, and I wouldn't be here if it weren't important." he cut her softly. "Besides, she's not here, is she?"

Gem looked at him before answering, cocking her head to the side in a way that reminded him of Max. '_Way too much cat in this one's cocktail, too_' he thought with a smile. He sighed, stood and looked at her intently, and nodded suddenly, making up his mind.

"Gem, we have a problem."

**************************************

After making sure Max knew nothing about Logan, and having Gem clean the blood from the hallway, Alec went to the infirmary. As he entered, Miri turned from the cabinet where she was taking inventory. Her soft, purple eyes lit with warmth at the sight of him. They'd been in the same unit since they were three years old, before he was singled for Solo Ops, and she assigned as field medic to a strike unit. If he were to consider a transgenic as sibling (_not that he ever would, at least in public_), that'd be Miri.

"Hey Alec! How's our great SiC today?"

Alec couldn't help smiling at her, she always did that to him. But his mirth was short lived.

"Actually, I'm your Oh Great and Mighty CO, for the next day or so, at least."

Miri's eyebrows shot up at that, very aware of the possible implications. "Alec, what happened to Max?"

"Chill, nothing happened to her, and if we're lucky, nothing will in the next 12 to 36 hours, if you catch my drift..."

"What? What do you..." her face went from concern and puzzlement to understanding..."Oh..."

"Yeah, that's pretty much my opinion."

"How's she holding on? I know she's not very fond of her cycles."

Alec looked up at that. "Huh? And how do you know that?"

Miri laughed at his face. " Alec, I'm the closest thing to Chief Medical Officer of TC. Of course Max talked to me about it. She was worried because she had not gone into heat since she was taken, almost two years ago. She'd hoped that they'd fixed it, as they did with her seizures, but all we - all _I - _ knew was that the best that was done for the early X5's who suffered from it was a steady regimen of hormonal therapy, but of course that was cut short with her escape. We've been tinkering with several drug cocktails, but so far we've succeeded only in reducing the intensity and frequency – we haven't been able to eliminate the symptoms yet."

Alec was floored. Not only he had not heard anything about it, he couldn't believe Miri had just told him all that. He seriously doubted Max would be happy with his medical history discussed so cavalierly, especially with him... His surprise must have been evident in his face, because Miri laughed again.

"Alec, you're CO now, so this information is within your clearance, IF and when I deem it necessary...as is the case right now. And to answer your questions, yes, Max has gone into heat since the siege started. It was about a week after the Jam Pony incident. When she started to feel it she came to me, and I sedated her, and Cindy kept her safe. After that, we started working on the hormone treatment, so that's how I know she's going into heat every six months now...or at least, I'll know for sure in another six. The upside is that she should be out of it by tomorrow morning at most."

Alec was still shocked, but quickly focused himself on the task at hand. He told Miri everything that had happened, and what he suspected.

"So, do you think that's it? That Logan found the cure, and when he saw you and Max..."

"Yeah, he snapped. And to tell you truth, I'm getting very freaked about the whole thing, Mir."

"What do you mean?"

"He stared down Mole, scared Luke shitless, and pushed by the guards at the sewers without flinching. And all six transgenics involved said the same; he sounded like a Manticore CO."

"What??? What do you mean 'sounded like a Manticore CO'? "

"It's hard to explain, but they all reacted to him as if he were one of the drill instructors, you know? Just 'stand to attention, and obey' kind of shit?"

"Wow, when you said Logan snapped you weren't kidding... So, what do we do?"

"First, make sure this was actually a cure, then find Logan and try to explain things to him."

Miri opened her eyes in surprise at that. " You mean...?"

"Yeah, I'm tired of all this cloak and dagger bullshit Maxie's having us do with him." Alec rubbed his hand over his face several times, and looked back at her. " I told her this would blow up in her face, and of course, when it finally does it's me who's left to pick up the pieces. I'm going to find him, talk to him, come clean and hope he'll get all pissy with Her Royal Bitchiness. And if this is indeed the cure, I'll force it down her throat and lock them in a very small, hot room for a week."

Miri just stopped herself from laughing out loud at his determined CO's stare. "OK, I'll leave the details for you. Want me to check the sample?"

"Yeah, can you do anything with this?" he asked, handing her the ampule.

She took it, went to another room that held what little equipment they had scrounged for their lab, and after tinkering with the ampule's contents for a while took a vial from the refrigerated unit. "Yes, there's enough of the original antigen here, mixed with Logan's blood for this to work." she muttered.

Taking a few drops of blood from Max's sample that she kept in storage to test the hormone treatments, she mixed it with the remains of the antigen. After a few minutes she took a drop of the new mixture and smeared into a glass slide, and took it to the microscope.

"Well?" asked Alec anxiously after a few moments.

"The virus attacked Logan's blood, but the antigen reacted almost immediately to destroy it." She smiled at him. "Congratulations, you've just solved your first problem as Terminal City CO!"

Alec sagged in relief, and, after collecting a few samples to run to Dr, Shankar and try to reproduce the damn thing, he hugged Miri and left to find Logan.

**************************************

Seattle Medical Examiner's Office – October 14, 3:45 PM

He had spent most of his morning trying to see Dr. Shankar, who had been swamped by the aftermath of a pile-up at one of the exit checkpoints early that day, as an eighteen-wheeler smuggling drugs and weapons tried to force its way through. After sneaking into the ME's office, he had amused himself by going through the doctor's files. By the time Beverly could step away from the morgue long enough to speak with him, he was thoroughly bored.

"Hello Alec, sorry for the delay, but it's insane today..."

He flashed her his most charming smile. "It's OK, Doc, I don't mind waiting for you."

Dr. Shankar frowned at him. "Yes...Is there anything you need, Alec?" she asked in a coldly, professional manner.

Alec blinked nonplussed. '_What was THAT about_?' Granted, they've never been great friends, but she'd always been nice to him, to all of them, so why the cold shoulder...?

Then he remembered. '_Of course, she's Logan's friend, and she's been helping them trying to get rid of the virus. I'm the asshole that stabbed poor old Loggie in the back, and now she thinks I'm hitting on her..._'

"This is just keeps getting better and better..." he muttered. Taking a deep breath he looked back at Dr. Shankar and started talking.

**************************************

After explaining the origin of the serum, Alec handed her the rest of the ampule, and fresh blood samples from both Logan and Max; hers from the hormonal treatment, his they'd started collecting to check the effect of the local toxins in his health, until Miri decided that the safest course would be to have Logan transfused regularly.

This had resulted in a by-weekly ritual between Logan and Joshua. They would sit and chat about art, or look over books that Logan would bring for his friend. Alec had feel the old guilt again at that. Joshua and Logan _had _became friends, the older man enjoyed the innocent, wide eyed world view of the gentle transhuman, and Joshua's delight at having found someone who shared his love for art and paintings always made him smile. Joshua had very few friends as it was, and this business with Logan had forced Joshua to choose between his new friend and his "Little Fella", his beloved younger sister. '_Yet another thing to thank her for_' he thought angrily.

For all her claims to love and care for Joshua, she'd never noticed the hurt he had inflicted on him.

After getting assurances from Dr. Shankar that she would have a colleague at Harbor Lights work on reproducing the antigen ASAP he had gone to Logan's. He really didn't have any excuses left...

**************************************

Joshua's House – October 14 5:30 PM

Alec stood at the steps, looking at the door morosely.

He _SO_ didn't want to do this now. Or ever, for that matter...

"It's not like I've got a choice..." he muttered to himself. Besides, even if all the drama of the last eight months hadn't been his choice, he did owe Logan the truth. Despite this, his resolve was tested by the facts of the day; he was more than a little nervous about confronting the man after the accounts given by Mole, Luke and the guards.

'_Well, at least I have __**some**__ good news to give him..._'

He had toyed with the idea of telling everything to Dr. Shankar, take it off his chest, but at the last moment it had seemed like a bad idea. It wasn't his job to clear his name, it wasn't even relevant at the moment. What had prompted him to do so in the first place had been her reaction to his comment. It wasn't something he did consciously, it was just...him. Logan was serious and dignified, Max bitched and he flirted with everything that moved. And yet...

He'd found himself wanting to be respected by Dr. Shankar.

Shaking his head he climbed the steps of Joshua's house. As he reached the door, he noticed that not only it was unlocked, but partly open. Shifting into a combat stance, he entered the house silently. After a quick scan of the house assured him it was safe, he relaxed and went to the kitchen to pour himself some of Logan's booze, and decided to wait for him in the living room. '_Might as well get comfy..._' he thought as he plopped down in the couch.

Immediately his eyes locked into the folded, single sheet of paper weighed down by a small black velvet bag. He could read Max's name scrawled on top of it, barely recognizing Logan's handwriting. He felt the cold dread settling in his guts again. Unfolding the letter, he scanned it quickly, paled, and started to swear loudly in several languages.

He blurred to Logan's room, to find most of his clothes gone, and a similar search of his office left him without doubts.

His last thoughts as his nose detected the faint trace of ozone and burnt wiring and circuitry that left no doubt about the finality of Logan's choice, was that he _really_ shouldn't have left his bed this morning.

End Chapter Five.

6

6


	6. In the Harsh Light of Day

**AN: Sorry for the delay! Between the Christmas in July stories and RL this is long overdue, but I'm back on track. Next chapter should be up within the week, and hopefully it wont be long for the rest. Chapters 8-12 are being edited (I know, I said **_**that**_** already...) and chapters 13-15 are coming along. Thanks for your patience. **

**Many thanks to all my reviewers, especially Jeanetteg, nattylovesu, Brian2008, Cassie for all her encouragement and my peeps at DAR, Dutch, Mari and especially Shy, who made this incoherent rambling into something worth reading. **

**R&R, peeps!**

**Chapter 6 – In the Harsh Light of Day**

**Somewhere in Terminal City - October 15, 08.30 AM.**

Max came slowly awake, feeling rested, and stretched, arching her back like a cat in one long, luxurious move, starting with her toes and all the way to her fingers, stretched over her head. She felt _sated_.

That thought brought the memories of the last day tumbling down on her mind, and froze in horror at the only obvious source of satisfaction from her heat: she had failed, again. She stilled herself and took stock of her surroundings, without opening her eyes. She was lying on a bed, not her own. She was dressed only in a t-shirt and panties, still damp with her own sweat. The fact that she was alone in the narrow cot gave her scant solace; it only meant that she might make her escape a little less awkward. She sniffed deeply, and was assaulted with the damning evidence of her failure: sweat, lingering pheromones, corn starch, human excrement, fresh...

That brought her train of thought short.

'_Shit? What the hell did I do? And _where_ did I do it?_'

She sat up abruptly in the bed, scared, to see a X5 woman changing a baby's diaper.

At her sudden move, the young mother looked up, and smiled brightly at her. "Hey, you're awake! Miri said that you'd probably sleep for the rest of the day." Jenn's smile turned mischievous "I guess you're as tough as Alec says."

At the mention of Alec's name, she closed her eyes in shame as a series of memories, emotions and sensations flashed through her mind. Jumping Alec. Tearing his clothes off. Tasting his skin, licking her way down his chest, throwing a chair at his head... '_Huh?_'

She opened her eyes at Jess's amused chuckle. "Don't worry, you didn't do anything to regret with him, although not for lack of trying"

Max felt all her guilt and self loathing disappear in a flood of anger at the woman mocking her. She stood quickly, eyes ablaze in anger, hair floating around her like a dark halo at the abruptness of her movement. To her surprise and annoyance, Jenn only laughed again, but this time there was no mockery or disrespect in her voice; she was genuinely amused.

"And he was also right about this, pissing you off gets you out of your funk fast." She motioned to the small adjoining bathroom. "Why don't you get a shower? I brought a change of clothes for you. We'll talk after you've eaten something" Jenn picked her child and stepped out of the room, with a small, friendly smile and closed the door behind her.

Max noticed that while she had been wallowing Jenn had finished changing her daughter, disposed of the offending diaper and left a small pile of clean smelling clothes by the cot. Still trying to figure out the events of the past day she washed herself and changed into her clothes: black jeans, red v-neck sweater and her patent leather jacket. She fingered the soft yarn with a small, sad smile, remembering that it was one of Logan's favorites. '_He always said I looked good in red..._' Thinking of Logan made her remember her conversation with Cindy, and the decision she had made the night before.

She snorted softly, amused despite herself. "Well, I'm off to a great start. 'Hey Logan, I lied to you about Alec, and I've been lying and keeping you away for six months, but I still love you...oh, and last night I went into heat and almost fucked him, but don't worry, we're just good friends. Wanna hook up with me?' Yeah, I just can see him get all warm and fuzzy with me at that."

"Well, it's a start, but I'd work on it a little bit more if I were you"

She turned at the voice, red with embarrassment at being overheard, hell, at having someone sneak up on her. ' _I'm seriously off my game today_.'

Jenn laughed again, seeing Max's thoughts written all over her face. "Hey, don't worry, after the dose that Miri gave you yesterday it's a miracle you can remember your own name, much less focus. Come, let me get you some breakfast...or brunch, actually." Max had collected her wits by then and was surprised by the remark; it had taken her almost four months of dropping in at odd hours at Logan's for a snack before finding out about this fourth meal. Hearing Jenn use the term baffled her.

Seeing her expression, Jenn smiled and explained. "Pulled a deep op as a secretary for a Congressman a few years back, and turned out that most back door dealings were done over brunch. Let me tell you, the idea of having a full meal before lunch is one of the things that I really wish I could have brought back to Manticore."

This time Max laughed with her, deciding she liked the other woman. She had seen her occasionally, but new mothers were exempt from almost every duty for the first six months after delivery, so they hadn't really had much chance to talk beyond the occasional greeting in the hallways.

"You were part of Alec's old unit, right?"

"Yes, both of us along with Biggs were selected for solo ops and deep undercover work. We even did a couple of jobs together. Nothing like Biggs and Alec, mind you. Those two did more two-man ops than any other team in Manticore. But we got along fine. Now eat, you have a long couple of days ahead of you, and you'll need the strength."

Max looked sharply at her, dozens of scenarios assaulting her at once, filling her with dread. "What do you mean? What happened?. Is it White, the National Guard, what?" she demanded. Jenn opened her mouth to answer, only to be cut off by a low groan from Max, who had propped her elbows on the table, holding her head in her hands. "It's Mole, isn't it. He went and killed someone...." Max groaned again and let her forehead hit the table.

"As I was saying, you have a couple of very busy days ahead of you...after all you _did _leave Alec in charge..."

Jenn laughed hard as Max wolfed down her food, thanked her and said goodbye in a rush, all the while muttering about the many ways she planned to make Alec suffer before killing him.

**************************************

**Terminal City Command Center, 37 seconds later.**

Alec was not in a good mood.

After doing another quick search of Joshua's house he had no doubts that Logan had indeed left the place permanently, so he had returned to TC with the letter and pouch he had found for Max.

After reading the note, he wished he could get his hands on the rest of that journal. It was obvious that Logan had been writing in it for a long time; the writing style suggested that this was just the last entry in a long series. To say that he was worried by its contents was gross understatement. He knew the man was a complex, passionate person, but he was astounded by the glimpse it gave him into Logan's mind. It also scared the hell out of him.

He was trying to decide what to do when he felt, rather than heard, Max enter his office. She was wearing her usual look for him, a mixture of annoyance, barely restrained violence and resignation. It normally made him want to egg her on, push her to the limit just for the hell of it, but today he was not in the mood for games. He interrupted as she took a deep breath to start yelling at him.

"Not now, Max. Not today."

Her face went from affronted surprise at his deviation from their usual dynamic, to worry and dread as she took in his grim demeanor. At her questioning expression, Alec simply gave her the note.

Max took it, recognizing the origin immediately. After all she'd held onto a piece of paper of the same texture and quality for over two years. One that had smelled just like this one. Smelled like _him_. It was a page ripped from one of Logan's journals. She looked at her name, written in Logan's hand on the outside of the folded page. Looking at Alec's face one last time, she unfolded it and began reading.

**************************************

Alec's first reaction as Max started reading the note was to held her, comfort her, give her the help she needed, just like she had done many times before for him.

He had understood a while back that when Max yelled at him, or smacked him, or just bitched at him, it wasn't just her natural crankiness - not all the time, anyway. She was giving him what he needed, be it help, moral support or just structure. She was giving him a crash course on living in the real world: while he was superbly trained, and his looks and natural charm let him get away with much, and he had been outside before, he didn't really _know _how everything worked.

Max did. It had taken her ten years and a lot of pain to learn it.

And she wanted, _needed_ to make him understand, to prepare him to really function outside. Besides her hang-up with him about his clone, he had learned that above anything else she felt guilty, not because of what the clones of the '09ers suffered on account of their escape, but because they were left behind. That was what drove her to keep every transgenic safe. Why every death was a personal failure for her. '_Ego much?_'

It also explained why she was always on his case about everything: she wanted for him all that Ben couldn't get. She wanted Alec to be the best he could be, and wanted him to be her brother. It was annoyingly sweet, in a way.

But then, that was Max.

He wanted to return the favor, to give her whatever she needed, but restrained himself and remained seated, waiting for Max to pull herself together. He would not do her any favors by telling her it would be alright, that it wasn't her fault.

It was her fault.

His too, but he had already came to terms with his part in the whole sordid affair. He had fucked up by giving in to White. He had made a mistake in going along with her lie. And he had made it even worse by letting her get away with keeping Logan at arm's length, but still turning to him for help all the time. The guy had a right to be pissed, they had used him for his connections and skills, and rewarded all his efforts and loyalty by treating him like a leper. He had spent all night thinking about it, and the thing that had hit him hardest of all was the fact that they'd treated him just like _they_ had been treated, back at Manticore: as expensive, high maintenance tools.

Another sore point for him was that while he knew Logan loved Max, Alec had never really thought what she had meant to the guy. Max was his _world_. He had been taken aback, shaken and humbled by the intensity of the older man's feelings, by the complete and unconditional way Logan surrendered himself to her. He had never really understood...and he should've.

Max might not have had experienced anything like that before, but he had. And he had allowed Logan to go through the same kind of agony and pain he had for the last four years.

He had even known that sometimes, when they sent teams to gather intel for him along with money and other valuables from Eyes Only targets, they didn't even bother to get the data that was supposed to be the primary objective from the mission. Which was not surprising, as many of the city's transgenics had started to see Logan as a joke after the truth of Max's break up with him and her 'relationship' with Alec became public knowledge. And he had let it slip.

It was more than unfair to Logan, it was simply unacceptable for a soldier to decide not to fulfill all mission objectives and get away with it. He _was _SiC, he had let it slide, and that meant he had given his tacit approval to the practice. He started to wonder exactly how many of the missions done for Eyes Only in the last months had actually returned with the data required. It was a sobering thought, and one that he fully intended to investigate, but he had more urgent matters to attend.

**************************************

Max did a quick scan of the note. It was actually two different notes. The first part was a journal entry dated five days before, in the familiar, flowing handwriting she remembered from her stolen poem.

_I'm seriously considering leaving Seattle, because thinking of the two of them together kills me._

_Because when I look at him - young, amoral, perfect..._whole - _I want to kill him._

_Because I know that I could cause his death very, very easily._

_I know where he goes to drink._

_I know where and when he slips past the barricades._

_I know where he goes whoring (she didn't really expect him to be faithful, did she?)._

_I know where he'll be two days from now, buying black market tryptophan from MY contacts, with money I helped them acquire. _

_And it would be very easy to give him up to White, or the sector police, or to arrange him to be taken by his old friends the steel-heads, or set up an old-fashioned lynching, just like his pal Biggs._

_And then it hit me._

_I wasn't just wallowing, imagining bad thing happening to him. _I was actually planning them.

_I felt repulsed. I had became Uncle Jonas, Lydecker, Sonrisa, Bronk...I was no better than them. No different than them_

After that last entry, Logan had written something else. Something for her. It was hard to believe that the two notes had been penned by the same hand; while the previous text flowed elegantly, with sure strokes despite the evident anguish of the author, the second part was...shaky, unsure..._defeated._

Steeling herself, she kept reading.

_I must go away, before I'm completely destroyed, while there's at least a spark of the old idealist with bright eyes and righteous indignation fueling him. Before I turn into what I've spent the last ten years fighting._

_For I've looked into the Abyss, and it laughed at me and spat in my eye._

_If I'm lucky, I'll be able to pull some of my former self together and start again somewhere else, far from here._

_Far from you.._

_But one thing is certain: Logan Cale, black sheep of the Washington Cales, reluctant aristocrat, journalist, bored rich boy, idealist, crusader...that man is dead. Only time will tell what, if anything, will rise from the ashes of my former self._

_Know this to be truth, though: I have always, and will always love you. You are my one and only, my unattainable ideal of perfection, and as is always the case when a mortal loves a goddess, I will go down to my death unlamented, forgotten, but unrepentant._

_Live happy, die free._

_Goodbye, my Bast._

_Logan._

_PS: I leave you these things, because they've always belonged to you. The locket was to be given to the woman I loved, and I had my mother's rings re-sized for you when we found that Manticore tech. Do with them as you please, sell them, keep them, throw them away...they mean nothing to me anymore._

By the time she'd read the note for the fourth time, the blurriness in her eyes had given way to a few tears, falling unnoticed onto the sheet in her hands. She was shaken abruptly from her daze by a soft noise. Tearing herself away from the letter she looked at the source. Alec had dropped a small black velvet bag on his desk, in front of her. Reaching with a trembling hand, she emptied the contents onto her palm.

It was a pair of matched wedding and engagement rings, both made of platinum, and the latter one set with a large diamond flanked by two matching, deep green emeralds that reminded her of Logan's eyes. Looking closely at the inside of the rings, she could read the phrase "to my Dark Angel" engraved in both.

Setting them down on the desk, she took the locket, the one that had belonged to his mother, the one she had stolen back for him at Bennett's wedding. By now it took all her willpower to keep from crying openly. After a few tries she managed to open it, to discover it contained both of their pictures. She recognized the portraits from the photo taken at the wedding. She just couldn't stand the hurt anymore. She turned around stiffly and turned away from Alec, while gripping the locket in her hand hard enough to draw blood. But that pain was nothing next to the agonizing truth dawning on her.

She was too late.

She had lost him already.

**************************************

"Max."

She had composed herself a while ago, and just remained standing next to the chair across from him, back ramrod straight, staring at the letter with a lost expression in her dull brown eyes. When she turned to leave, only the slight trembling of her shoulders indicated that she had heard him. "Max!" This time she turned to look at him fully, with a hurt expression that made his chest ache.

"What Alec? What do you want? What else is there to say? I pushed him away, then ran to him anytime I needed something, and gave nothing back. Cindy was right, I broke him."

Alec was surprised at that. While it wasn't too farfetched to think that Logan might had come up at some time during OC and Max's night of bonding, the tone of Max's voice at that last statement intrigued him. He took a deep breath and asked. "Max, what did you mean 'Cindy was right'?"

"I...I can't Alec. Not right now...I need to think about this..."

"Max..." Alec was cut short by the raw pain and despair that flashed on her eyes for a moment. "OK, Max. I'll see you later." Max didn't answer, just turned again and left the office.

TBC...


	7. Fallout

**AN: And here it is, as promised! This chapter closes the first arc of the story, I hope you like it.**

**Thanks again to everyone that is still reading this, I'll do my best not to let you down. And just for the record: I WILL FINISH THIS STORY! The end is already plotted and mostly written, is just a matter of getting the events leading up to it down on paper.**

**R&R peeps!**

**Chapter 7 – Fallout.**

**Terminal City - October 15, 2021 09:45 AM**

Max had wandered a while before leaving.

She had breezed past the guards at the sewers entrance, barely acknowledging their greetings. She thought she saw a glimmer of...something...from Cyan's eyes...pain? Sorrow perhaps, certainly anger.

She remembered Logan spending many lunch breaks with Cyan at Terminal City, and she'd felt a stab of white hot jealousy at the easy way Logan looked at the X-5, at the way the little bitch made eyes at him while she sat there, listening raptly to every word that Logan said. God, the bastard just smiled that smile of his, the one that made her weak at the knees (_not that she would ever admit to that!_) like it was nothing, and just kept talking.

And Cyan wasn't the only one, either.

She'd heard a couple of X5's and even an X6 talking about Logan like he was a piece of meat, and even making bets as to whom would get him to their beds first. It had take every ounce of control to stop herself from beating the sluts within an inch of their lives...That had actually surprised her: while she had accepted long ago that when it came to Logan she _was_ as jealous and possessive as the next girl, she had convinced herself that he deserved better than her, better than a genetically engineered killing machine.

She wanted _normal_ for him. Safe. And now this bunch of horny alley cats wanted to sink their claws into him.

Fuck _that_.

She would wrap him up and deliver him naked - with a frikkin red ribbon around his neck - to Asha's bed before she let any transgenic bitch get her grubby mitts on her man.

Of course, she shouldn't have worried.

While Logan appreciated the company, and - she suspected_ -_ enjoyed the attention lavished on him he just...talked to them. It took her a while to realize that he treated them just like any female informant, maybe like Asha in Cyan's case, but nothing more. Looking back to the two and a half years since they had met, Logan hadn't looked at any other woman with much interest. Not like he had looked at her.

Like she was the only person in the room. The only woman in the world.

So much for him letting go of her... '_Stubborn, pig-headed, self-righteous prick..._' At least he could have enjoyed the attention a little less...

Ignoring the daggers thrown at her back by the younger woman, Max went down the sewers and started winding her way to Joshua's.

**Joshua's House - October 15, 2021 10:15 AM**

Max stood at the door for a good ten minutes, gathering the courage to enter. Taking a deep breath, she unlocked the door and walked inside. The first thing to hit her was the smell.

_His_ smell.

It was everywhere. She focused on the lingering trail of his scent, from the kitchen to the office, to the bathroom and, mainly, to the couch on the living room. She knew that Logan seldom made it to his bed on the second floor, usually crashing on the couch when he just couldn't keep going. Blinking back tears she forced herself to make a thorough search of the house.

As Alec had told her, it was obvious that Logan had departed hastily; most of his clothes were gone from his closet, but there were a few socks and t-shirts lying around, and she found even more clothes in the laundry hamper. He had taken the clean stuff from the clothes line out back, but left everything else on the small laundry room. Max allowed herself a little moment of pleasure, taking an armful of his clothes and hugging them to her, sniffing deeply. It was utterly girly, and a bit gross, but at the moment all she could think was _Logan_.

God, she loved his smell!

It was his usual scent, mixed with the earthy smell of sweat. It made her dizzy with longing and...well, lust. There was no denying it, the damned man could make her wet herself just by entering the room.

Huffing in annoyance at herself, she dropped his clothes back in the hamper and continued her tour of the house. It didn't take her long.

She snooped around his kitchen, rooting for leftovers in his fridge. She sat on the counter, munching day-old pizza while thinking back to their life the previous year. Her midnight visits at Logan's had seemed so...simple. Silly. Just an everyday, common thing, barely worth mentioning. That is, between them.

Then again, the things that never needed mentioning, that just _were_...she had taken all that for granted. Had taken _him_ for granted. Suddenly, she couldn't stomach the food anymore.

'_Get your shit together girl...let's get this bitch over with._'

Taking a deep, calming breath, she entered his office. The first thing she noticed was the stench of burnt wiring, mixed with a slight tinge of ozone. '_EMP..._'

'_**Fast and efficient. Undetectable until it's too late. Impressive. He's finally thinking like a soldier. Knew he had it in him-**_'

Shaking her head in disgust, she took stock of the room. It seemed just an office, but to her the room was just...Logan.

She noticed his wheelchair in a corner, facing the wall. It brought back so many memories...Logan had been so miserable there...but to her, the chair was just a part of him, like the computer array or the spotless designer kitchen . It felt like home. She bit back a sob.

'He _was_ home...'

Max shook herself again, pushing her anger and self-loathing back down. She'd have time enough for that later...

'_The rest of my life..._'

Going back to the desk, she searched it quickly, trying to find any clues as to his whereabouts. Then she saw it.

Shoved carelessly under the desk, in the wastebasket. Logan's journal.

Reaching down with a trembling hand Max retrieved the book and sat down stiffly on his desk chair. She set the journal down slowly, reverently. It took her a while to gather enough courage to open it; she felt that she was abusing his trust.

Even after he had let her read that one poem, and though she suspected that he had written more about her, she had never pried again, had never gone behind his back to sneak a peek. She took the leather bound book and stroked its cover, remembering the many times she had seen Logan writing in it, or one of its predecessors to be accurate. It brought her many happy memories, and her nose was assaulted again by Logan's scent, emanating from the journal.

Finally allowing herself to relax, she opened the journal to its first page.

It was a fairly new one, going back a couple of months. That surprised her. She knew that Logan wrote assiduously in his journals, at times it seemed that he wrote every night. But in the last eight months there were only seven entries, including the one that accompanied the note Logan wrote for her. Her heart ached when she saw that the first was written two days after she let him believe she was with Alec.

Taking a deep breath, she started reading.

"_Dear diary, today I wanted to kill myself..."_

_God, how corny..._

_I'm not sure about anything anymore..._

_To say that I'm over her would be a lie, but I don't know what to do anymore._

_Should I stop going over there? _

_Get back to my original work, helping those that need help, who cannot fend for themselves?_

_Who am I kidding, I can't desert the transgenics anymore that I can desert her._

_********************************************_

_When I first met her, I was smitten; she was amazing, stunningly beautiful and mysterious. I was intrigued, and more than a little aroused. When she jumped out the window, for a moment, I felt a turmoil of emotion as I had not in years: sorrow, loss, regret... I knew she was special, apart from the rest of the world, and it tore at me that I'd never get to know her._

_Then I looked out the window, saw her look at me, and was...happy. _

_After that, I became obsessed._

_I'm embarrassed by the way I behaved, like a horny frat boy, but that moment, talking to her at Crash, and in front of the mirror...I've not felt that alive in years, before or since then._

_We became working partners, then friends (or so I thought), but somewhere along the way I fell completely, hopelessly in love with her._

_At some point, I thought that we had evolved beyond our quid pro quo arrangement. After all, I couldn't locate her siblings, and finding Zach never really helped...I wondered, hoped, that she stayed behind because of me, but in hindsight it's obvious that Max realized that 'big brother' wouldn't let her see her family, so in the end she stuck by the most promising option; after all, it soon became evident that Zach couldn't stay away..._

_********************************************_

_When she "died" in my arms, my heart stopped with hers._

_I wanted to wait for my death by her side, I would have, if Lydecker hadn't pulled me away by force. The first night, I just sat by the window, longing to hear her sneak in, trying to surprise me like she was wont to do. The days that followed were a daze of alcohol, tears and agonizing pain: I couldn't breath, couldn't move, I just sat there and wept. _

_I tried to kill myself several times._

_Would have succeeded, too, if it weren't for Bling, Syl and Original Cindy._

_After I opened my veins with a broken glass from our portrait, Bling told me that he understood, but he couldn't wait around for me to make a decision, and left._

_And in a way I think he really did understood. He has seen death and despair in many ways, both as a soldier and a physical therapist, and I'd like to think he knew and respected me enough to let me make this choice._

_Then again, maybe he was trying some psych bullshit on me, I'll never know for sure, because he never came back, never returned my calls._

_I DO know that I would have done it. I would've finished the job right there in the sofa, if Cindy and Syl hadn't shown up to check on me._

_I got my ass literally kicked that day._

_I expected them to leave, like Bling._

_But Cindy stayed._

_She made me cook for her._

_She made me eat._

_She made me bathe._

_She cut my hair._

_She talked to me, made me talk to _her_. _

_And I told her everything. _

_About my parents, about my childhood, about Eyes Only, and about your death._

_After that she came over almost every day, and she slept over a couple of times a week. We talked, we cried, we comforted each other, and eventually we learned to laugh again. She turned out to be my best friend._

_Ironic, huh?_

_********************************************_

_After I became obsessed with the idea of avenging Max, of taking on Manticore, Cindy tried to talk me out of it. She was smart enough to realize that it would be a one way ticket to an early grave if I was lucky, a long, painful death if not. When she accepted that she couldn't change my mind, she looked me in the eye and said "Get them for me, too. And when you see her again, tell her that she's still my best boo, and that I'll miss her always."_

_Then she kissed me goodbye and left._

_God, how I miss her!_

_********************************************_

_The two months before I finally located Manticore were a blur, even today I can't really remember every detail. Lydecker called from time to time, and Syl dropped by once, tried to talk me out of it, but she only had to look me in the eyes to know that I would never stop until either Manticore or I was destroyed, so she wished me good luck and left. She looked so much like Max then, the same posture, the same resigned sigh, the rolled eyes...it was almost too painful to bear. _

_And then, when I was ready to broadcast, ready to give my life to take them down, she showed up. And for a moment, everything was perfect._

_And then all went to hell._

_And then HE showed up._

_God, I thought I knew what hate was! I thought I had experienced jealousy before. _

_I was wrong. Everything I thought I knew paled in comparison at this bitter, molten fire eating me up from the inside. _

_********************************************_

_I guess it all boils down to a very simple truth. I don't know her anymore._

_I've spent the last months wondering if I ever did. Suddenly, I find myself reviewing every single conversation, every nuance, every look we shared in the past year, and she's either a different person, or I've been even a bigger fool than I thought. Whatever the case may be, the fact remains that the woman I loved __did__ die that night outside Manticore._

_This Max is someone else._

_Someone who would lie, cheat, use and manipulate me for her ends. I guess that getting herself a "family" made Max reconsider all her promises, huh? I remember our last time together, that fateful night, when she took me to the Needle and called me her family...and I believed it._

"_What fools these mortals be!" indeed. What a gullible, pathetic fool I am. For I believed her._

_About EVERYTHING._

_I believed her when she said that she couldn't let Alec die because he was family._

_I believed in her, in us, when she called to ask for my help and flashed a smile at me._

_Even when she dumped me, without the decency of forewarning, I believed she was still my friend._

_And all this time, I've been nothing more than a resource, to be used and handled through intermediaries._

_And you know what the worst part is?_

_If she had told me that they were together from the beginning, if she had told me about HIM being her breeding partner, I would have been happy, genuinely happy for Max, and I would've still had her back._

_It would have hurt. But I would've dealt with it. But she chose to lie and use me, and that kills me a little bit more every time I think about it._

_But wait, here comes the best of all!_

_I still love her._

_She haunts my days, and prowls my dreams. Her name will be the last thing to leave my lips as I lie, old, alone and broken on my deathbed._

_********************************************_

By the time Max had finished reading, she had lost all semblance of control. She was crying freely now, clutching the book on her hands, the last tangible link to the man she loved.

'_God, I've hurt him so much...he's never going to come back. He's gone forever..._'

**Terminal City, Alec's Office - October 15, 2021 11.40 AM**

Alec looked up as Max entered the room. She looked in control, calm and collected, but he could see the slight puffiness around her eyes that belied her posturing. She walked towards the desk, sat down and put down a leather embossed book in front of him. Alec lifted an eyebrow quizzically.

"Max? What's this?"

"His journal. Or at least, the last one. He's been writing in them for years. I found it at the house."

"He forgot to take it?" He didn't think that was likely. Logan might have been out of it, he would leave behind many clothes and sundries, but this...this was much too personal to forget...

"He didn't forget it. He trashed it. I found it besides his computer..." Alec almost missed the flash of pain in her eyes, had he not been looking for it. Max pushed the journal towards him, urging him to read. As he did so, Max started retelling her conversation with Original Cindy.

_********************************************_

Alec read the journal three times while she talked, her eyes fixed on the book. Max finally looked up at Alec when she finished her tale.

She didn't expect understanding from him, not really. While he had grown, matured in the year and a half since the fall of Manticore, she knew that there where things that still escaped him. What she didn't expect was the look of cold anger that shone on his eyes. That made her angry. What right did he think he had to judge her? He had done far worse things while on assignments.

'_**He didn't have a choice on the matter. You did.**_'

Ignoring that annoying voice, - never mind how right it might be - she thrust her chin up and demanded with an angry sneer. "Do you have something to say, Alec? Let's hear it, I'm sure it'll be a true pearl of wisdom."

Alec stared at her for a moment before answering. "You've fucked up, Max. Royally, completely and any other adjective you care to attach to the concept. I told you it was a bad idea. I shouldn't have agreed to go along with your stupid plan, especially after it became obvious that Logan wasn't going anywhere."

"Oh yeah? Then why did you, Alec? What, it amused you? Did you get a thrill out of getting one past Logan? Did you have fun? WHAT WAS IT, ALEC?!" Max had stood by now, her fisted hands propped on his desk, leaning towards him, quivering with anger.

"It's simple, Max. Because you asked me. You didn't order me, didn't try to guilt me or bully me into it. You _asked_. It was the first time you - hell _anyone -_ had actually asked me to do something, had in fact given me the option to refuse. I think that you should be able to understand what that meant to me." Alec ignored his training's demand to assume a defensive stand at her angry outburst, and his instinctive need to cower from his CO's anger. He leaned back in his chair, slowly, and placed his interlaced hands over his stomach in a carefully studied pose that screamed calm and confidence.

"And in case you haven't noticed, until Miri clears you for active duty I'M in charge, so I'll appreciate if you'd lower your voice and sit down. Please." Alec bit out that last word with as much sarcasm and authority as he could muster. When Max opened her mouth to retort he cut her sharply. "Those are YOUR rules, Max. And if you expect to keep any semblance of discipline in this dump, you'll follow them just like anyone else."

Max stared at him, the wild anger he was accustomed to replaced by the familiar soldier mask. That unnerved him more that any other response he had expected, but after a few seconds she sat down, never breaking eye contact with him.

Alec allowed himself to relax a bit; the hardest part was over. Max was in control of her temper, and she was thinking clearly again. Then again, a cold, calculating Max was something he hadn't really dealt with before, so he wasn't sure if it was preferable to the alternative. '_No, if we're going to get through this in one piece it has to be done this way_'

"There's been a few developments while you were indisposed, and I've had to deal with them. Most of them are a result of your screw up, and you need to stay focused until we can fix things up"

"Meaning what? Sir"

Alec winced at that. It was going to be more difficult that he thought. '_Oh well, lets get it done then_'

Alec handed Max a wanted poster. It had Logan's face, and the reward for information was of 50,000$.

"These are posted all over the city. As of last night, Logan is number two on the NSA list, after you"

Max took the wanted poster and quickly scanned the text. Her expression didn't slip, but Alec saw a flash of pain and longing when she focused on the picture.

"These charges are bogus, except for the one of aiding and abetting, and the assault on Federal troops. We can get most of it out of the way and get Clemente to work on the last one. After all, Logan didn't fire on _his_ people, and his actions avoided a bloodbath there. If I can convince him of White's duplicity we might get most of the heat off of him."

"Agreed. But we have more pressing matters. In case you've forgotten, roughly seventy percent of our supplies came through Logan one way or the other: he had his people do the recon, arranged drops and buys by intermediaries and was in the middle of a critical system overhaul. While Luke and Dix are more than capable of doing the job, the complete project was in Logan's systems, so the techs are a little stumped. They're carrying on the work he assigned them, but it'll take them a few days to get the overall project figured out, not to mention get the necessary parts. Without Logan we also lost access to his Informant Network, so we need to start working on assembling our own line of supplies. We relied on him too much."

"That's not a problem. I know many of his contacts, I've dealt with them in the past. It'll be mostly a matter of finding out who Logan left in charge." Max looked sad for a moment. "Probably Matt Sung or Sebastian. I'll get in touch with them right away. Also, Logan had a backup of his current investigations and at least some of the IN files in his workstation here. I have several of his passwords, shouldn't be too difficult to gain access."

Max rose and stood at attention. "If that's all, SIR, I will report to the infirmary for a check up so I can return to active duty."

"No. it's not all. There's one other issue to discuss. At ease."

Max relaxed her stance, and looked expectantly at him.

_********************************************_

Max held herself rigidly still, her blank expression and stance a textbook example of military discipline.

'_Deck would be so proud..._'

While listening to Alec ramble about her responsibilities her mind was working several possible ways to track down and confront Logan. No matter what he thought, they were not going to leave things like this. She would find him, explain everything, apologize, fuck she would _grovel_ if she had to, but she had no intention of leaving him hanging ever again.

Original Cindy had been right, Logan had needed her, and she had failed him utterly. Even if he didn't want to see or hear from her ever again, he deserved to know that he'd done nothing wrong, that he was needed, loved, and that he should return home once the charges were cleared. If anyone was going to leave Seattle, it would be her. Shifting her eyes back to Alec, she answered his question.

"Understood, SIR! May I ask what's the second point? SIR."

She stared at Alec, daring him to give her another order. It seemed he sensed that it wouldn't be a good idea, because he softened her voice and spoke gently to her.

"Max, there are two questions you need to answer now. Are you up to it? We can continue tomorrow if you want. You are still on medical leave, after all."

She stared hard at his eyes, his expression, looking for mockery or deceit, but found only concern. Slightly mollified, she shook her head.

"No, let's get this bitch over with, What do you want to know?"

"First, was that the first time Logan tried to kill himself? The way he wrote about it, and what Cindy told you last night are not the MO of someone that just turned suicidal because of a single loss, no matter how great. There's too much planning for a spur of the moment decision, and not enough about the steps that usually lead to trying to do it. It would seem that he had already thought about it, long and hard, before you 'died'."

Max bit her lip, but held his gaze and answered. "No, he tried before, about two years ago. Logan had regained the use of his legs, but it turned out to be only temporary."

Alec knew there was a lot more to it, things Max didn't want to remember, but he felt it was important.

"What happened exactly? How did he get his legs back?"

"I...I had lo leave Seattle, Lydecker was on my trail. Logan drove me up near the Canadian border. When he was about to leave I...I kissed him. I was sure I would never see him again, and I couldn't bear to leave him. I think that's when I realized that I loved him. I really didn't know what it was at the time, but the fact is that I loved him. I had always liked him, more that was safe for me. Anyway, I returned to Seattle, found out he was hurt, dying, and I transfused him. A few weeks later we discovered that the stem cells in our blood had started regenerating his injury and he regained the use of his legs again. Of course, it only lasted for a few weeks, his body rejected my blood, and he ended up back in the chair. He had told me that he didn't intend to live like that, but I was too stupid to actually hear what he was saying...He had found an ex-Manticore doctor to help him, but it fell through, thanks to Deck. While I was cleaning his records from the doc's office I saw his psych profile"

Alec waited a few moments, then prodded her. "What did it say?" he suspected what it was, but she needed to confront it herself.

"That he was depressed and suicidal. I raced back to him, but I was too late."

"What? I might not be a doctor, but he's seemed pretty alive to me the past year or so."

"l wouldn't have made it in time, but there was an accident with a neighbor, and he went to help her. Otherwise..."

Alec snorted."So he put off his suicide to go play hero? That's so..._Logan_." He turned serious once again. "So, you knew he had suicidal tendencies, yet you let him believe that you had traded him up to a younger, better, fully functional model? What the FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

Max stared angrily at him "What IS your problem? What's it to you? You never liked him!"

"It has nothing to do with me, Max! You're supposed to be in love with him, yet you dumped him in one of the worst possible ways. I'm surprised he didn't kill himself that same night! If I had known _any_ of this, I would have never helped you! The idea was to keep him away so he'd _stay_ alive, not give him another reason to kill himself. You've mishandled your relationship with him since you came back. You've made one bad choice after another, and now it's too late to do anything about it!"

"What do you care! It's MY life, Alec! My choices, my mistakes, and I'm the one that has to live with it."

"Wrong, Max. When it comes to Logan it affects ALL of us. We depended on him, because you did, and we followed your lead. But mostly because he _was dependable_. He was trustworthy. No matter what Mole or anyone else might like to think, we wouldn't have accomplished half as much by now if it weren't for him."

Alec stood and started pacing the small room.

"Damn it Max, we would've been killed at Jam Pony if he hadn't intervened! I owe him my life, and so does OC, and Sketchy and everyone there. Fuck, even Mole knows it, and that's why he dislikes him so much. He would've died, would have _failed_ without Logan. And he hates him for it."

Alec calmed himself, sat down and tried again.

"Max, I didn't hate him. Sure, I never liked his holier-that-thou attitude, his moral high ground. But the fact is that he _did_ earn the right to be judgmental and smug. He had everything going for him, and he risked it all doing what he thought was right. He had a lot to lose, Max. And he chose the hard path, conscience over comfort and safety. I resented that he had things to lose, that he risked everything he had every time he did one of his hacks. I liked him, I respected him, and I helped you destroy him. And now we have to deal with the consequences. Which means trying to make do with whatever we can salvage from his files here, and get back to the business of staying alive. And let him do the same."

Max felt anger claim her again when he heard that. "What the hell do you mean, 'do the same'? I have to find him and tell him the truth, he needs to know that he didn't deserve this, didn't do anything wrong, that I-"

Alec cut her mid-sentence, "That you love him? It's way too late for that Max. Even if you could find him, and if Lydecker and Renfro couldn't do it with all the resources at their disposal, I'm afraid that you don't really have much of a chance. And about 'loving him'...why now? He's told you several times. He did it in front of me once, remember? And you never said it back. Not to his face, anyway. He demonstrated what he felt for you in a million different ways, and all you did was lie and hurt him. I don't think he's going to take your word for it. It'll just seem that you want him to come back to Seattle because you need his skills. Especially after yesterday..."

"What? What happened yesterday?" She saw Alec hesitate, and pressed on. "Alec, tell me!"

"Max, what do you remember about yesterday morning? When I came to your quarters?"

"Not much, the heat had hit me pretty hard and fast. I know we didn't...anyway, what's that have to do with Logan?"

"Do you remember why we didn't get around to do it?"

Max face scrunched as she tried to sort her hormone and drug hazed memories. "I remember you saying something, and I realized what was happening, and stopped. Why?"

"We were going at it, and were about to do it, when you called me Logan. That pissed me off enough to regain control. Do you remember why you called me Logan? Why you thought I _was_ Logan?"

"I think...I thought I could smell him, and it drove me insane with want..." Max blushed furiously, remembering the thoughts that had crossed her mind regarding Logan at the moment.

"Well Max, that's no wonder, after all he _was_ there."

It took Max a moment to process what Alec had said, but when she did her blood turned to ice. She swallowed the bile that rose to her mouth, and gripped the desk with both hands, trying to fight the sudden nausea that assaulted her.

"What did you say?"

"You heard me. He showed up early yesterday morning looking for you, and tricked his way in. He got to your quarters while we were rolling half naked in the ground. He stood there about a minute and then left. Before he did though, he confronted and stared down Mole, scared the hell out of Luke and breezed through the guards at the sewer exit as if they weren't there. And they all agreed in one thing. The man that stormed out of here _was not Logan_. Not the polite, easygoing, good natured guy they've known for over six months. There was something seriously off about him."

Max zeroed instantly on that. "Off, what is that supposed to mean?"

"It means exactly what he wrote for you; that he's no longer the man you knew. Seeing us having sex, or thinking that we where, for that matter, was the final straw. He's been changing for a while now, that much is obvious from his journal. Fuck, Max! He was plotting of ways to kill me. Because I had stolen you away from him. And it's not just ranting; he made several good points there. He knows enough about me, about all of us, to hurt us badly if he chose to. And I don't take that kind of security threat lightly."

"That's absurd, Alec! This is Logan we're talking about, for God's sake!"

"Yes, Max. You're right. It _is_ Logan we're talking about. And the last time he went off the deep end _Manticore burned to the ground_. I've been thinking all night about this. When I first read the letter, my first reaction was concern. Then I remembered Manticore. And I was afraid. What I should've done as soon as I finished reading was to have him found and neutralized." Alec rose a hand at Max's angry, frantic expression. "I said _should've_, didn't I? After going through everything again I realized that he also saw the same, and it sickened him. He chose to go away in order to avoid becoming the monster he's fought against his whole life. He's _gone_, Max. For good. And after all I did to him, all that I let you and everyone else here do to him, I intend to give Logan the chance to make a new life for himself."

Max stood and turned toward the door, furious.

_'How dare he say that? I have to find him, explain to him...'_

_**'You've done enough, soldier. This decision it's not yours to make.'**_

That brought her short. Could it be? Was it really too late? She didn't want to admit it, but her practical side told her that it was. She had run from Logan, hid from her feelings, hurt him terribly with the intent of protecting him, assuming that he would be relieved to be off the hook, to be able to regain his life.

Instead, he had stood by her, and done anything in his power to help her. And she had repaid him with more pain, and she also knew that seeing him with Alec would have hurt him even more. Perhaps too much. She turned back to Alec, tears brimming her eyes.

"I've really lost him, haven't I?"

"I'm sorry Max. I really am. But he didn't leave this note so you would go looking for him. He's making perfectly clear why he left, and he doesn't want to see you, or any of us for that matter, ever again. You said that you did all this to keep him safe, to protect him. Well, here's your chance to do so. Let him go, Max. He's trying to find a new reason to live. You owe it to him to let him have this chance. Please tell me you understand. Tell me you'll let him go."

Max nodded, a single tear finally escaping each eye. She turned without any words and left, carrying the journal on her hands.

TBC...

**AN2: OK, next chapters should be up soon, I just don't know **_**how**_** soon. The next one will be Logan's POV, and long overdue. Have faith, stay with me a little longer, you won't regret it. And remember, the little green button is your friend!**


	8. What Little Remains

**AN: Yes, it's late, I know. But let me assure you, the delay? Totally worth it, and very necessary, too. I wouldn't have made it this far without my super Beta, and what little scraps I originally had were NOT fit for posting. Trust me on that. Again many thanks to Shy for her help and guidance, and Mari, Cassie, Jeanetteg, nattylovesu, Crazy about Survivor and Alan Grey for their continued support. You guys (and girls, of course) kept me going when I was seriously asking myself what the hell made me think I could actually pull this off. Thank you! **

**Now, many people asked what did Max do with the locket and rings Logan left for her: Well, she put the rings of the chain and wears the locket, of course! She's not letting them out of her sight. **

**Oh, and there's some nekkid Logan here for anyone interested. **

**Chapter 8 – What Little Remains.**

**Somewhere in Oregon - October 17, 2021.**

Logan woke up with a start. He looked around, quickly taking stock of the situation. He wasn't in his room, and it didn't smell like Terminal City...

Then he remembered the last days. Felt all the anger, pain and longing burst again.

And then, just as quickly, he let it go. Everything still dragged him down. But each time it was easier, too. He just hoped it wouldn't take much longer...He ran a hand through his hair and stood slowly, still amazed, even after so long, at the feeling of the cold floor tiles under his feet, the scratch of the rough fabric on his legs, the seemingly effortless way that his body responded to his will. Although he thoroughly enjoyed all the benefits of being whole again, his favorite part was still waking up in the morning and realizing once more that it wasn't a dream.

Although throwing away the catheterizing kit was a close second.

Walking into the bathroom, he undressed and started the shower. As he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, he caught his reflection on the mirror. While he had lost weight, he still had the sculpted upper body he had developed while in the chair. And his legs had regained all the lost muscle tone, too. He stepped as far away from the cabinet mirror as the room allowed, and checked his body. His well developed chest and abs were even more defined, giving way to a slim hip and long, strong legs. '_My ass isn't bad either..._' He had always been proud of his ass, as weird as it sounded. Many women had commented on it over the years, after all...well, that and his eyes, but he hadn't had problems checking them out in the past three years. As he flexed playfully the steam started to fill the room, and the last thing he saw in the fogging mirror was the distorted reflection of his face. That had also grown harder, leaner.

'_**I see we're back to reading signs and portents everywhere. What do you think this one means, Sherlock?**_'

'_Shut up, it's too early._'

***************************************

After his shower he changed and went out. He had stopped in a small town by the highway, and walked around slowly, enjoying the peace and quiet of the place. He ate a hearty breakfast in a small diner near his motel, and returned to his room to plan his next move. The first one had been easy, faking his death to throw off pursuit and make good his escape.

_Escape_.

It felt weird, he had abandoned everything he had, everything he was, and left his hometown without a moment's doubt. That he thought about it as escaping had not bothered him before. But the fact was that he not only had fled for his own safety, he had fled from what he was, from all the memories that permeated the city. Memories of her.

'_**Face it, you are running from a lot more than White.'**_

Ignoring the voice, he focused again on the small pile of folders in front of him. He was not stupid; one of the first things he did as he started setting up Eyes Only was to plan for several contingencies, one of which was personal exposure. He knew that if his true identity was ever revealed, his only option would be to disappear, and the way to improve his chances was to establish firm, long-term alternate identities. Over the years he had created several more; most of these he had used as cover in the past, but a few remained untouched. He even had one of the first three he had created, almost six years ago.

'_Hmm, this one is good, well established, low key..._'

'_**And the fact that it's an English major who has spent the last five years "researching and writing" his dissertation has nothing to do with it, of course.**_'

'_So what if it is, it's still my best bet._'

He poured over the thick folder, reviewing the last five years of his "new" life. As he read he grew exited. This fictional person had led a quiet life in academia, and had decided to apply to several schools to spend a few years teaching, for a change of pace. He noted a printed e-mail that he had added to the file a few weeks back. He had received an offer to fill in for a teacher on maternity leave in a school in Los Angeles. He had forgotten about it: while he assiduously kept his cover stories updated, he rarely registered what exactly happened. But this one...this one was special, closer to his heart. This man had what he had wished for many times before, in the dark of night when all pretense and posturing was put aside. He believed in Eyes Only, in everything it represented. He had taken the task upon himself for the simplest of reasons; someone had to. But sometimes...sometimes he wished he had taken the other road. The one that led to a simple, quiet life. After a few more minutes mulling things over he accessed one of his many 'blind' mail accounts and wrote back to the school, asking about the position.

It seemed that Stephen Gibson was going to Los Angeles.

***************************************

**Los Angeles - October 30, 2021.**

As Logan waited in line to enter the city, he found his gaze drawn again and again to the ocean. Even though it was autumn, the beaches were full of people walking, playing and surfing. It was a welcome change from the cold and rain of Seattle.

'_**We should take a few days to go the beach, learn to surf, ya know. Live a little for ourselves.**_'

'_We'll see..._'

Logan noted that his 'Inner Max' didn't set him off as before. He took it as a good sign, although sometimes it made him miss the arguments he had with the original one. She was the only person smart enough, stubborn enough to make him change his mind...sometimes. Above everything else, he missed the best friend he'd ever had.

'_**Aw, c'mon now, don't go there...we already did this, aiight? What's done is done, and the whole point of gettin' yourself killed was to get a real fresh start. No use gettin' all worked up again...**_'

"Yeah..."

Logan had spent the last two weeks 'talking' with himself more and more. He had grown used to having a lot of people around, even if only a handful really talked to him. He had not spoken to another person since saying goodbye to Beverly, besides some noncommittal grunting and monosyllabic answers to hotel clerks and waitresses. He was actually looking forward to some human contact.

'_**What you need is get yourself some. It's been two and a half years, you know...and you're out of excuses, now.**_'

Logan snorted, annoyed. Out of many things he wished, **not **having his libido speaking with Max's voice was right at the top of the list, after world peace. Allowing himself a small smile he inched forward towards his new life.

***************************************

**Crenshaw High School – November 1, 2021 7:13 AM.**

Logan wandered aimlessly along the empty hallways, anxious to begin his first day of work. The teacher he was replacing had taken her maternity leave in time for Halloween, so he had had a few extra days to go over the school program for the rest of the semester. He was looking forward to this. Logan had thought of teaching while in college, and had served as assistant and even tutored a few freshmen in his youth, but this was different. This was real. It was the start of his new life, one that was long overdue. He was given English Lit and Spanish for the seniors, four classes three times per week, which gave him enough free time to actually have a life. For a man used to work twelve to fifteen hour a day, seven days a week, it was barely enough to serve as a distraction. As he walked towards the teacher's lounge, he passed the school's message board, and decided to stop and read a few to pass the time. It was the usual mix of school announcements, tutoring offers and, of course, band fliers. '_Guess there's things even the Pulse can't get rid of..._'

One message caught his eyes.

'**As a result of declining membership, the drama club has been discontinued, and their allotted time slot for the Holden Mason Auditorium is available for any extracurricular activities approved by the Principal's office. Anyone interested must contact Ms. Walsh for approval and scheduling.'**

Logan frowned. One of his favorite activities in high school had been the drama club, and he had many fond memories of it. He took down the sheet and went to see Ms. Walsh.

***************************************

**Crenshaw High School – ****November 1, 2021 5.30 PM.**

It had been a _long_ day.

It had taken him just under fifteen minutes to convince the elderly Ms. Walsh to give him a couple of days to get the club up and running again. Just a passionate speech, one of his 10 megawatt smiles, and he'd been given until next Monday to work something out.

'_I guess I haven't lost my touch, after all..._' he mused smugly.

'_**Yeah, you can still con old ladies. Way to go, hero...**_'

'_Ah, shut up, you're just jealous._'

His satisfaction didn't last, though. For a private school, the grades of his students left much to be desired. He was aghast as he reviewed the previous teacher's notes. His first class left him no doubt about the accuracy of those reports. Most students were lazy, uninterested and, in some cases, downright rude. There were a couple of exceptions, of course, but that was it. He had spent his first day after he finished his classes going over the program's reading material, and decided to make a few adjustments. In the end, it was, again, the skills he had developed in his five-year long career as underground journalist that gave him the solution he needed.

He blackmailed the little philistines.

He gave them the option of extra - _a lot of extra - _ reading or putting in a couple of hours a week in the drama club. He figured that some of them would take a liking to it and keep assisting. All things considered, it was a very productive day.

***************************************

**Malibu Beach - January 5, 2022 4.35 PM**

Logan decided he loved the beach.

He had, of course, been to the beach before. To many different ones, in fact, all over the world. But this...He had rented a small, three-room, second-story apartment on the beach, and delighted in taking his early morning and late evening runs there. He even promised himself to take up surfing in the spring.

His first Christmas alone was not as hard as he thought it would be; while it had been years since he had a close family reunion, the last two had been spent with friends.

'_**You mean with her...**_'

'_Whatever._'

He had spent a quiet evening walking on the shore, and had an early dinner with his roommate.

'_**Now, you know that she's a dog, right? It's not like it counts.**_'

'_Hey, leave Sasha alone, she's a good girl._'

'_**Not really my point, but OK, whatever makes you happy.**_'

Logan had gotten the dog from a neighbor, a kindly old lady who was moving to her son's house and couldn't keep her. Sasha was a three-year old, dark chocolate Lab. He'd cross paths with them around the neighborhood, and had his shoes stolen from his spot on the beach on more than one occasion by the spirited dog. He had not been looking for a pet, but he had become accustomed to seeing her around and he knew that chances were, if he didn't take her, she was likely to end up in the streets. Another point in Sasha's favor was that taking her stopped him from doing something stupid, like getting a cat. A black cat. A female black cat.

'_**Yeah, 'cos this one would've never abandoned you, never gone into heat...**_'

'_Yeah, I get it OK? It was a stupid idea..._'

It had been difficult at first. Sasha was accustomed to being with human company all day, and to being walked whenever she felt like it - which was very often. But after a few weeks they'd grown used to each other's schedules and Logan found himself biting his tongue to keep from yelling 'honey I'm home' every time he returned from work.

He had also started going out on the weekends, going to pubs with his coworkers. It felt weird at first, but it didn't take him long to get used to the after-office crowd on Friday evenings. He even let loose a little, and started to return some of the attention lavished on him by a few co-workers and several bar regulars. It felt good to be desired, to have people trying to catch his eye, buying him drinks, inviting him home... He remembered a similar kind of attention, from Cyan and some other X-5's in Terminal City. At the time he had not really thought about it; after all, he only had eyes for _her_. Now he wished he hadn't wasted all that time pining away for someone that could barely stand to be near him. He didn't think that he would've taken any of the not-so-subtle hints thrown at him by Cyan and others. He _had_ noticed, of course. He wasn't that dense, or blind for that matter. But just as he had been oblivious at first of Asha's loaded looks and innuendos, and discreetly ignored them once Original Cindy had pointed it out after Max had returned, he wasn't really interested in any of them. Not because they weren't beautiful or smart, they all were. But none of them were Max. And she had been the only one on his mind and heart for too long for him to even consider anyone else. In the end, the only tangible result of his misguided loyalty was the longest dry spell of his adult life.

'_**Yeah, so you keep sayin'. You plan on doin' something about it? 'Cos that brunette over there looks like she wouldn't mind gettin' down and dirty with you.**_'

'_I'm trying, OK? Give me time, I'm a little rusty._'

'_**Stop being such a whiny bitch! Just flash a smile at her and we take her home tonight!**_'

'_We'll see, OK? Now shut up, I want to listen to this song_.'

'_**Whatever...**_'

He tried dating, did the whole dinner/movie routine, was invited for coffee or a drink almost every time. In the end he just smiled and refused as politely as he could any offers, much to his libido's dismay. He just wasn't ready to go back to casual sex - because that's all that it would be. Whatever he might want to think, the truth was that he still loved Max, and probably would for the rest of his days. He liked some of these women, really liked them. They were smart, intelligent and beautiful women, who talked to him, listened to what he had to say, laughed at his jokes...and it meant nothing. He wanted someone smart and funny, but also sassy, blunt, irreverent. Someone to really challenge him, to be his equal. Like Max had been. Like he _thought _Max had been.

'_**But she wasn't, was she? The little bitch played you from the start. You gonna' let her screw every possible hook-up?**_'

'_I guess...I guess I'm not ready yet._'

'_**You're pathetic**__._'

'_I know..._'

On the plus side, his plan to boost the drama club's membership had also worked, and, as he hoped, several students had taken a genuine interest in it as more than extra credit. The ones who did take a liking to it did so with enthusiasm, and he began planing on presenting a play by the year's end. He had also begun to take a real interest in his students, and was enjoying himself as he had not in years. He had a couple of favorite students, who were smart, cultured and took in his every word with a delight he had not seen in a long time. Logan started a weekly book reading session with them, and started giving the group more advanced reading assignments, which were eagerly devoured. It was a simple, quiet life. It was a _good_ life.

Until Jessica.

TBC...

**AN2: Short, I know, but next one will make up for it, I promise; Chapter 9 is the longest one to date, over 9k words after editing, so stay with me a little longer, you won't be dissapointed. **


	9. Aftermath & Beyond

**AN: OK, it took longer than I expected, but here it is! Now, just a caveat; the time line shifts white a bit on this one, so it's important that you pay attention to the time stamps, otherwhise things won't make much sense :P. The first section moves forward six months, then goes back to the end of chapter 7, and moves forward along chapter 8, telling the events in Seattle while Logan frolics on the beach. I tried to explain things with this chapter, closing as many plot points left hanging from the series last episode as possible, and explaining (I hope) many things from previous chapters. Now, while I already have the final scene written, and most of the final two chapters plotted out and many scenes scripted, I'm having trouble actually getting **_**there**_** from what I have written. Next three chapters actually open more cans of worms, rather than dispose of the one already on the table...This means I still have to come up with 2-4 chapters before I can end this thing, and it's going to take a while, especially since I'm getting swamped with work. I probably won't be able to write much before February, but I'll do my best. Chapters 10-12 are done and being edited, so at least there's that to look forward to. **

**Sorry :(**

**As always, thanks to Mari, Shy and Cassie for their help and encouraging, and my loyal readers and reviewers, especially natilovesu and Jeanetteg for reviewing every chapter and ragging me for an update. Here it is girls! This one's for you two.**

**Oh, and no, they're still not mine. Shocking, I know...**

**Chapter 9 – Aftermath and Beyond.**

_Something causing fear to fly  
Rising like a dark night  
In silence  
Traveling like a broken boat  
Heading for the sky  
And I'm an island_

I watched you disappear into the clouds  
Swept away into another town

The world carries on without you  
But nothing remains the same  
I'll be lost without you  
Until the last of days

**Last of Days, by A Fine Frenzy.**

**Six Months Later - April 09, 2022. 03.30 PM**

Even for Seattle, the day was especially depressing. The sky was gray and overcast, and the ever-present humidity had turned into a cold, dreary and misty drizzle.

Which suited Max's mood perfectly.

Her only concession to the weather was trading her trademark black leather jacket and short, revealing tank top for a gray hooded shirt and a non-descript, dark blue windbreaker. Despite the rain, she walked slowly along the winding trail through the trees and softly rolling, artificial hills. She wasn't in any hurry to reach her destination.

After another twenty minutes of wandering - '_procrastinating', he'd say _- Max was finally there. She just stood for a while, looking without really seeing, before taking the final few steps and sitting down slowly on the damp earth, her back to the stone.

"Hey you..." Max breath caught, waiting for an answer she knew would never come. "I can't believe it's been almost six months...I can't believe you're gone..." Choking again, Max lifted her face to the darkened skies. If she tried hard enough, she could tell herself that it was only rain pouring down her face. Not tears. She never cried.

Not her.

Letting out a shuddering sigh, she opened her messenger bag and retrieved a wine bottle, corkscrew and two flute glasses. Opening the bottle she poured the wine, setting one glass on top of the dark marble slab. She couldn't tear her eyes from the stone. From what it represented.

_Logan Cale._

_11-11-1988_

_10-14-2021_

_Friend, Protector, Hero._

_May you find peace at last._

After a few seconds spent staring at the words engraved there, she touched her glass to his. " Happy anniversary, Logan." Downing her wine, Max lay down on top of the tombstone, tracing the words with her fingertips. "Wherever you are, I hope you've found yourself, and are finally happy. I love you, and I miss you. I guess I'll always will."

With that, Max closed her eyes and curled herself on top of Logan's grave, finally relaxing after months pushing herself to her limit. Then she started to cry softly, eventually falling into a fitful, long overdue sleep.

* * *

**Six moths earlier - Terminal City, October 15, 2021 – 3 PM.**

Alec had wanted to give Max time. He really did. But time wasn't really on their side, and he needed Max back in the game _now_. As he stood on her doorstep, he silently cursed again. He cursed her, he cursed himself, he cursed Manticore. He railed against a god he didn't believe in, just in case. After all that had happened in the last 36 hours, the last thing he wanted was to give Max bad news. But of course, things were much too easy as they were, there _had_ to be something worse just waiting to jump at them. At her. Sighing tiredly, Alec knocked.

At first, nothing happened. He knocked again, forcefully.

"Go away. If it's urgent take it up with Alec. Otherwise, go fuck yourself!"

Despite everything, Alec smirked. '_Seems she's back in her usual mood. It shouldn't be too hard then._' He pounded the door again. "Come on Max. Open up."

"Fuck off Alec!!!" He heard the sudden slap of bare feet approaching the door quickly. The door was opened suddenly, slamming against the inner wall, revealing a picture of anger and grief. Max's face was pale and drawn, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy from crying. Her long straight hair, usually swept back, was a messy tangle stuck all over her face. But despite all this, despite her fast, shallow breathing, there was no mistaking the anger and _very_ short temper that was written in her stance.

'_Oh joy. This is going to hurt._' Alec took a step back, putting his hands up to ward her off. "Hey, sorry Maxie, but I really need you in the C&C..." As he took a second look, he was surprised to see she was wearing an old pair of gray sweatpants and a faded Yale sweatshirt...both way too big for her slim frame. Clothes he recognized. Logan's clothes. '_Shit. This is_ so _not good._' He was pulled from his reverie by a strong push on his chest.

"What, Alec? What do you want now?!" Max was about to throw herself at him when two large, claw-tipped hands took her waist and held her away from her target.

"Calm down, Little Fella. I'm sure Alec has something important to tell you." The large transhuman made eye contact with Alec, his calm gaze clearly conveying the message that he hoped Alec really did, for his sake.

Max tried unsuccessfully to pull away from Joshua's grasp, so she settled on staring angrily at her SiC with an expression of barely contained anger and hurt.

"Well? What is it now?"

Alec swallowed hard, and tried to keep his voice steady. "As I said, I need you in the C&C, we need to access the Informant Net without delay. It's about Logan..."

* * *

**Terminal City Command Center, October 15, 2021 – 5 PM.**

It was not a good day for Max. After a lot of prodding from Joshua, she changed back into her clothes, (except for Logan's shirt) and went to find Alec at the C&C. Dix and Luke had spent most of the day trying to access the back up of the Informant Network that Logan kept in TC, without success. As they explained to Alec, hacking a secure system was more of an art than a skill, and guessing passwords required an intimate knowledge of the person who set them, which meant Max. As Alec was considering the wisdom of going to see her again, Max walked in and sat herself at Logan's station. But after five minutes of frantic typing yielded nothing, Max surrendered her seat to Luke. It took him another fifteen minutes to discover the reason. About four hours after Logan had left TC, an email had arrived containing a very special virus, its only purpose to delete all traces of the IN from the transgenics network.

Alec cursed the man's thoroughness. They really needed that information.

"OK, I guess we're stuck with whatever contacts you know personally." he said.

Max looked at him curiously. "Did you check his home rig? Maybe there's something there we can retrieve."

Dix spoke up then. "No, there isn't. Logan had a small EMP grenade installed as a final safeguard against intrusion. Alec said that it was triggered, so there's nothing there, no data, no salvageable hardware, nothing we can use. He was very protective of his people."

"Is."

"Huh?" Dix looked at her in confusion.

"I said he IS very protective of his informants. He's still out there, and I know that deep down he's the same." Max's strong, confident statement was belied by the pain in her eyes. She might have accepted that he was gone, but refused to think that Logan could change so much, no matter what he'd written to her.

Dix and Luke stared at each other, then at Alec. Max didn't miss the silent exchange, nor the sidelong looks of pity they threw at her before going back to work. She remembered what Alec had said when he'd gone to her room. The sudden dread that seized her was like a physical blow. She grabbed the chair's back - _his chair, with his scent -_ to steady herself and took a deep breath. Max turned slowly to face Alec, and asked the question she feared. "Alec. What's wrong? Did something happen?"

'_PLEASE SAY NO, GOD PLEASE, HE HAS TO BE OK..._'

"I'm...I'm sorry Max. Logan was spotted early this morning trying to leave the city...there was a fight...the sector police fired on his car as he tried to escape..." Alec closed his eyes, unable to bear the desperate look of pain and sorrow in his friend's eyes. "He almost made it, but his car crashed a block away and caught fire. He was identified and declared dead at 13.37 today..."

Max sat down heavily on the chair, stunned by grief. "No...It's impossible, he wouldn't do that, he's too smart for that. He would've sneaked out by one of the holes in the fence, or by the harbor, or just taken a bus..." Max knew she was babbling, but couldn't stop herself. Suddenly, her mind caught up with everything Alec had said. "Wait, he was supposedly killed this morning? Today? Didn't you said he was gone yesterday when you went by his place?"

Alec sighed again, afraid that Max was about to break down again, and this time in public. "Yes. But maybe he needed time to put his escape plan together, or had some loose ends to take care of. I don't know, but he was identified by the ME. His dental and medical records matched. It was Logan."Alec tried to calm her, but she stepped away from his hand.

"NO! You're wrong! This is Logan! He wouldn't let himself be killed..." Max was starting to cry, slow tears marring her face again, unnoticed. She took out her cell phone and dialed without acknowledging Alec's attempts to reason with her. "Dr. Shankar. It's Max. Is it true?"

Alec couldn't hear the answer, but he could tell that Max wasn't thrilled with it. She strode away from him, leaving the room while whispering angrily on the phone.

Alec was at a loss. He really wasn't trained to deal with this. He was still trying to figure it out, raking his fingers on his hair and seriously considering calling Original Cindy over when he heard Max walk back inside. She seemed subdued, resigned, but not like he thought she'd be. '_Damn, she's in shock._'

Max walked back to him, sat back down in Logan's chair and pulled her legs up, hugging them and resting her chin on her knees. Alec waited for her reaction, not knowing what to say or do. He was so worried that he didn't register what Max was saying at first. "What did you say?"

Max tilted her head sideways to look at him. "I said, it's not him. Beverly saw him last night, Logan was there to pick up something."

"To pick up what?"

"A body."

"What???"

"You heard me. He took an unclaimed body, one he'd had prepared about two months ago, and told her that he was leaving town, that they were closing in on him. The day shift did the autopsy, the dental records matched those on file, and there was evidence of a severed spinal cord. They even found the remains of the Exoskeleton. But I'm certain, and Beverly agrees, that it wasn't him."

Alec was speechless. While he knew that Logan was a very intelligent, resourceful man, it was a little too much for him to believe. He didn't doubt that he was capable of organizing something like that, but the Logan that had left Terminal City struck him as too far gone for something like that...'_Then again, what the fuck do I know..._' "So...Logan's alive then..." for some reason he couldn't understand, Max wasn't happy with the news.

"No. _He_ is alive, but Logan Cale died today." Her voice broke, as tears streaked her face again. "My best friend, my hero, my love...he's dead. He's gone." Without another word, Max stood shakily and left.

* * *

**Lake View Cemetery – October 17 2021, 4 PM.**

The ceremony was everything one could expect for one of Seattle's foremost families.

The usual assortment of movers and shakers, a few journalists, even a bored camera crew, lured by the list of prominent citizens rather than the memory of the man being lowered to the cold, hard ground.

'_Bunch of thieves, liars and hypocrites...your average socialite event. Logan would be turning in his grave..._'

The ironic smirk died on Max's lips, faced again with the realization that, even if the body being buried wasn't his, this was Logan's grave, the resting place of the man that had changed her life, changed _her. _The man that had done so much for her, for her family, for the whole city...the dark anger that had seized her over and over in the last few days bubbled again, riling against that last insult, the ignominy of all of his accomplishments, all the sacrifices and victories of a five year-long war against the corrupt society would be buried with the unknown body.

'_He deserves better...he's earned better!_'

She had not slept, had not stopped moving since her conversation with Dr. Shankar. Against Alec and Joshua's advice she'd sneaked out of TC, and had visited every contact that she knew of, leaving Matt Sung and Sebastian for last. Max thought she would be ready to face them by then.

She'd been wrong.

Her earlier stops were easy, they knew her as just another contact, someone that would stop by from time to time to drop off or pick up sensitive intel or packages. They knew she was sent by Logan, their main Eyes Only contact. They trusted her as one of them, and the looks of shared sorrow they gave her had started to chip away at her mask of stoic resolve. By the time she reached Beverly Shankar Max's nerves were frayed away, the rigid control she'd held on her emotions worn down to nothing.

The way Beverly looked at her was the last straw. Max read deep sorrow, a sense of loss for a friend, but at the same time cold detachment and anger tinged her cultured accent as the Medical Exminer gave her condolences for the loss of Logan. It seemed almost if the doctor shared her feelings about his disappearance, as if the man that they both knew and respected _was _being buried the next day. She left the hospital holding back tears, and steeled herself for the last stops on her list. These two were Logan's friends, had been for years, and had also known her...and in Sebastian's case, _what_ she was.

Detective Sung was polite, if a little curt with her. He was relieved to learn that Logan was indeed alive, and hearing that he had escaped the city brought a small smile to his careworn face. When he learned that Logan would not be in contact with any of them again, that he had decided to give up his duties to EO, Sung's reaction was guarded, but he agreed to keep in contact with Max, and help her if he could...to an extent. Max had been worried, she feared Matt might have known Logan's secret, but if he did, the detective didn't say. Sung had been part of Logan's inner circle, privy to many investigations and aware of the identities of many informants, especially the less savory ones; he had helped many of them to stay out of jail, covertly, of course. Max knew he hated doing that, but Detective Sung knew very well how the game was played, and what had to be done for the grater good. She hoped that same dedication, sense of honor and willingness to do what was right rather than easy would lead him to support her plans for EO. In time, Max intended to bring Matt into the new Eyes Only inner circle, and tell him the truth about the Informant Network and Logan.

She marked Matt as a success.

Sebastian, though...

He had known about Max, and Manticore, for almost as long as Logan had. Since she had met him, Max suspected that Sebastian was the 'friend' who had forwarded Logan his original intel on Project Manticore. He had always regarded her as a person, and while he remained aloof he'd treated her with respect. What she didn't expect to find out was how much Logan had relied on his friend after she'd left him. Just as she didn't know the extent of Cindy and Logan's friendship, she found out that he had come over to Sebastian's two, three times a week for long talks and equally long, intense chess games.

Logan had turned to his very few friends for the things she didn't give him anymore. The things he lived for.

It took every ounce of training and willpower not to break into tears in front of Sebastian. After a little small talk, Max made her speech. She wanted to keep Eyes Only going. She explained her plan, using the few contacts she'd being able to approach, along with any Sebastian knew, and the X5's as foot soldiers to continue Logan's life work. Sebastian was reluctant to agree, and asked her for time to consider it. As she was leaving, his partings words left her in tears.

"_YOU KNOW HE'LL BE THERE, RIGHT? WAITING FOR YOU?"_

"_What? Who're you talking about?" For a moment Max's heart soared with the hope that Logan was still in Seattle, and would attend his own funeral. It certainly would appeal to his literary side. She smiled longingly, picturing him quoting Twain at her, standing by his own grave..._

"_WHITE. OR AT LEAST HIS MEN. IN ANY CASE, EVERY PERSON ATTENDING THE FUNERAL WILL BE CHECKED OUT. THAT'S WHY I WON'T BE GOING. AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU. NOT FOR A WHILE. NOT UNTIL IT'S SAFE." _

_'If ever...' _the thought slipped in, unbidden.

As the heartbreak and loss hit her again Max made her way forlornly to the Space Needle to collect her thoughts.

After a few hours, she decided to do what she could to honor her friend's memory, knowing that the only person at the funeral that would mourn him would be his cousin Bennett. And that the rest of his family, if they even decided to attend, would use it as an excuse to engage in their usual gossiping and power games. A small smile curved her lips as she came up with an idea...

It had been a very simple matter to sneak in the mortuary house and change the text to be engraved in the tombstone, including a small effigy of Bast at the bottom, to serve as her own homage to the man who had loved her beyond reason, and as a finger to the vultures who would be attending the funeral

* * *

In the end, she couldn't stay away. Max spent the hours before the funeral hidden in a nearby crypt, and casing the cemetery for signs of surveillance on Logan's plot. And Sebastian had been right.

When the time came, she hid as close as possible, always remaining outside of White men's perimeter. As she had suspected, the only two attendees who showed grief and respect at the ceremony were Bennett and his wife. Max growled in anger seeing his aunt Margo holding court among the 'mourners', receiving empty condolences and shedding the occasional fake tear for the cameras. It was all Max could do to keep herself from blurring to the horrible woman and snapping her neck, before running off every last hypocrite soiling Logan's memory.

She waited three more days before White's team pulled away from the cemetery. As she made her way slowly to the grave she felt her resolve vanishing quickly. Standing still at her hiding spot for four days was nothing compared with the effort it took to cover the few hundred meters that separated from the grave. Finally gathering her resolve, ignoring the voice screaming in her head, telling her to flee from the unsecured location, run away from the pain, she reached Logan's resting place. Max felt every emotion drain from her at that realization.

She had thought of it as _Logan's_ grave.

In her heart, she had accepted what she'd said to Alec a few days before. Logan, _her_ Logan, was dead. And all she had left were the memories.

His eyes, all-knowing, piercing, beautifully green.

His smile, a rare treasure she knew very few others had enjoyed.

His voice, the voice of Eyes Only, strong and righteous. And Logan Cale's voice, soft, caring, reaching the soul she'd never dare dream she had, until he touched it.

And his eyes wide and shocked.

His smile lost.

His voice soft, quivering and desperate.

His every hope and emotion wiped brutally from his gorgeous patrician face in a single moment, by a few words...

"_Tell me it's not true..."_

"_I can't. It's over. We're done."_

"_Get used to it."_

_She'd taken advantage of his shock to make her escape, tears running down her face. _

Max cursed her perfect memory. She knew that for the rest of her life, she would never be able to think about Logan without seeing the heartbreak written all over his face.

* * *

**Lake View Cemetery – October 20 2021, 9 PM.**

Alec cursed again his genetic blueprint, that demanded he slept at least a few hours a day, instead of four hours every ten days or so. Having spent the last four days first shadowing and then keeping watch over Max had pushed him to the limit of his considerable fortitude. It had taken every ounce of training and willpower he had - and quite a bit of luck - to avoid White's surveillance teams _and_ Max. He was certain that, had she been 100% physically and mentally _there_ he'd have been spotted very quickly by Max. At least, the time he had spent hiding out in the cemetery waiting for the NSA to leave had given him time to go over all the facts of the last days. After Max had gone back to mourn with Joshua Alec had decided to check up on Logan's death. Taking as certain fact that Logan had staged his death, he approached the Sector Police's impound lot, and checked the Aztec's charred remains very thoroughly. Even after buying into Max's theory that Logan's 'death' had been staged, he wanted proof. It didn't take him very long.

His respect for the man went up a couple of notches as he discovered the small detonator wired to and hidden inside the airbag's release system. He found traces of the explosive itself embedded under the gas tank, and another one, this a shaped termite charge aimed upwards, under the driver's seat.

Standard Manticore MO.

Effective, relatively easy to install and almost impossible to detect, unless you were looking for it. He accessed his memory, trying to remember if he ever told Logan about his favorite assassination techniques; it was one he had used on many missions. And he started to remember snatches of conversations he had heard, Logan asking about explosives, pestering the few transgenics who actually spoke to him...

_Cyan_

He remembered Logan chatting with her in several occasions, usually during Mess, using his interrogation and interviewing skills to pump her for information about Manticore's skill sets and techniques.

And of course, Cyan responded. After all, she'd been quite taken with Logan...'_but of course she was...it's a wonder that he didn't get her into his bed, with several other X5's and a couple of x6's. What the fuck they all saw I him, I'll never understand..._' In the end, he just asked around. And discovered that Logan had indeed been picking up many tricks...and all from units members who excelled in demolition and Escape & Evade.

'_He's been prepping himself to run if needed be. For a long while now_.'

He also remembered that Logan kept several safe houses around Seattle. It took him most of the afternoon, but he managed to track down one that had been used by one of their raiding parties after a botched job. After he had exhausted all leads he then broke in and discovered a hidden safe, open and empty. He suspected that it had contained a little cash, probably sector and city passes, too. Logan had indeed been there, within the last 48 hours and had obviously cleaned the place of anything he might need on the run. '_So I was right after all. He didn't just leave, he went into mission mode: focus on the objective and the means to achieve them, ignore anything else, neutralize all obstacles_...'

It unnerved to realize how easily had Logan assimilated the Manticore mindset. It also left him with a bitter taste in his mouth. He'd decided to keep this little piece of intel to himself; he didn't think Max would take it too well, knowing that in the end, Logan was more Manticore than Caped Crusader. But amidst all his emotions, one stood above all others.

He was really, _really_ angry.

Logan had changed, grown darker, withdrawn, shifting from the nice, agreeable guy who joked and chatted with the techs to an emotional wreck every time he clashed with Max. And he'd seen it. But it wasn't until now, until it was too late to do something about it, that he recognized that behavior for what it was. After all, they all had it beaten into them by the time they could walk. He might not have gone for the blank, expressionless 'soldier' face, but it was just the same. Logan had reacted and mimed the attitude and behavior of the soldiers around him. He'd used his skills as a journalist to interview -- no, to _interrogate -- _many of the transgenics who went on his assignments. He also had, as of late, been using that training, coupled with everything he learned about Manticore's M.O. to manipulate the few transgenics who did associate with him, who liked him, like Luke, Dix and Cyan, seizing any tactical advantage that presented itself, using the trust he had gained with those transgenics to achieve his own ends.

In the end, Logan _was _as much Manticore as Alec, in his own way. And of course, Max had not seen it. But then again, she was not an impartial observer. Neither was he. But the signs were there, he had seen them, and just ignored them. Because the guilt made it too painful to dwell on the changes in the man.

What he couldn't understand was _why_. On an intellectual level, he'd seen the signs, and understood the changes. But on a more visceral level, he needed to understand why, what drove Logan to change so much...

Ah...

'_Because it's what SHE wanted. He was trying to be the kind of man she chose over the kinder, generous guy that he was. To be worthy of her. He was trying to become ME..._'

Not literally, of course. But the way Logan saw him. Cold. Ruthless. Never showing weaknesses, and seizing every possible advantage. It explained why Logan never told anyone that Joshua's first transfusion, over nine months ago, had fully restored his legs...a perceived weakness was a good tactical advantage, after all. Alec suspected, though, that in the beginning it was just about pride, Logan not wanting to run to the woman who had dumped the cripple to tell her that he was a whole man, now... _that_, he understood. It would have seemed pathetic. Hell, it _would_ have been pathetic. And it would have solved everything. One look at Logan walking tall on his own and Maxie's defenses would've crumbled. At the very least, he'd have been off the hook...

When he'd commented to Miri about Logan's escape, he'd mentioned the exo, and how it made no sense to leave it behind, as it was a major asset. One look at her and he knew. She eventually told him about it, how the transfusions from Joshua not only reinforced Logan's immune system, but also boosted the healing process on his spinal cord. After a few months tests confirmed that the new tissue had been accepted by Logan's body - the change was permanent. And it wasn't only his spinal cord that had been repaired: Logan had the lenses on his glasses replaced, his vision now 20/20.

And neither he nor Max had seen that. _Any_ of it.

Logan had tried to become someone Max would want again, and she had not even noticed the changes in him...it was a miracle he hadn't gone postal before; it had been only a matter of time.

Alec shuddered under the cold rain, keeping vigil over his grieving friend. Whatever happened, and despite the fact that he genuinely hoped Logan could make a new life for himself...for a moment, he wished he had followed his training and instincts after reading his journal, and had him killed.

* * *

**Space Needle – December 24, 2021 11.30 PM**

Max sat near the edge, as she had a thousand times before. She ignored the bitter cold, the wind and snow falling around her. As she looked down to empty streets she tried to recapture the sense of peace she'd discovered the first time she stood there, over three years before. She had tried many times since she had lost him, without success. It wasn't that she felt guilty (and she did), but she could no longer pretend that her troubles were gone, couldn't put her life in perspective. She just couldn't let Logan go. It had taken her exactly five days to realize just how much she relied on him just...being_ there_. When she had told Alec that she'd rather know that Logan was alive and well away from her, out in the world, she hadn't been joking. She had endured the first six months of the siege by relying on him, following him around, watching him, hearing his voice, smelling him. Watching him sleep. Laughing at the jokes he told half-heartedly to Luke and Dix, seeing the genuine spark of happiness in his eyes as he discussed this painting or that sculpture with Joshua. Watching his hacks in private, pretending he was talking to her, looking only at her. She'd go out every now and then to hang with O.C., letting herself enjoy the evening, knowing that he'd be there the next day for her. She missed all that. She missed his voice, she wanted him to tell her to be careful, to care enough about her to do little things, like search everywhere for little treats for her, and make sure she got them...every now and then some of her favorite fruits or candy would find their way to TC mixed in with the supplies. At first she couldn't understand it. She had dumped him, betrayed him, and was using him. She'd accepted long ago the fact that she wanted him to let go completely, not only of her but of Terminal City and the whole transgenic dealio. She needed his help, they all did, but she'd rather have him away from them than in any kind of danger. That's what had driven her to treat him so badly, and why many of the times the raiding parties would ignore his requests, they did so on her orders. She had hoped he would give up and leave them. But he didn't. She let out an amused snort.

'_Shoulda known it wouldn't work. He's the only man I know who's more stubborn that I._'

She _had_ accepted that the man she loved more than her own life was gone.

She didn't think about him, didn't dwell on her loss during her days, and kept herself busy at night. But once a week she would leave Terminal City, climb to the top of her rusted castle and lose herself in her memories of Logan. Then she'd sleep there, cuddling some piece of his clothing, letting his lingering scent lull her to a fitful sleep. It didn't take long for Alec to see the pattern, and eventually track her down. When he found Max asleep a few feet from the edge he'd tried to carry her inside, out of the rain. He almost got himself thrown from the top of the Needle for his troubles. After a _long_ fight that left them both bruised and thoroughly exhausted he'd relented, and Max's night at the Needle became an open secret, just another part of the normal life in Terminal City.

But tonight, things changed. She was in the middle of remembering the day Logan had stood for her, the tight fit of his blue sweater, the sound of the crisp leather jacket, his eyes boring into hers with a look of naked desire that she'd chosen to ignore so many times...

...when she heard someone climbing up the stairs noisily. With every step her anger grew, until she thought she'd burst. When she finally heard the intruder entering the restaurant below her she stood and turned in one fluid motion, jumping down the access hatch, landing in a crouch in front of her prey.

* * *

Original Cindy was pissed. She had been crushed when Logan's APB came on the news, and being unable to locate him or Max only made her more nervous. She caught the report of Logan's death while on a run, and just wandered aimlessly the rest of the day, crying for both of her friends. In the end, it was Alec who thought of calling her and letting her know the truth. Her first reaction was, of course, anger. Anger at Max for keeping her in the dark, anger at Logan for leaving without saying goodbye, anger at Alec for not calling the day before, when it all went down.

But she let it go, and went to Max to mourn their loss together. They talked about him at first, visited his grave (_which she still found creepy, by the way_) and hung out at Crash with their old friends. But after a while Max stopped talking about Logan. At first she thought Max was starting to heal, but eventually she found out about her weekly sleepover at the Needle, and decided to put her foot down. That was downright unhealthy. The fight that ensued lasted through the night, and left them both emotionally drained. Cindy would never suggest that Max forget Logan, but she knew from experience that compartmentalizing her feelings would end up biting her in the ass, _big time_. You either let go or you didn't. And while Max never spoke about him again, she never looked at another man, didn't even notice the longing, hungry stares that followed her every time she entered Crash. Max just ignored anything with three legs...not a bad choice, mind you, but not good either.

When Christmas approached Max made a big deal of it, going through Terminal City like a hurricane, trying to get everyone in 'the spirit', to make them experience their first holiday out in the open, both for themselves and as a sign to the people outside the walls, to show them that they were not so different after all. In the end, her enthusiasm caught on and the transgenics prepared themselves to throw their first party. But as the night fell Max vanished. It didn't take long for Alec to figure out where she went. Max sneaking away to mope after getting all the troops exited with Christmas would be very bad for morale. He considered going after Max himself, but with her gone he had to cover for her, and sending a couple of X series after her would defeat his purpose. In the end he had decided to send Cindy to drag Max back before anyone in TC noticed she was gone.

And so she found herself standing among the debris-strewn room, cold and pissed, facing a hissing alley cat.

* * *

"Cindy?! What the hell are you doing here?" Max relaxed her stance, watching her friend warily. She looked at her clothing, red Lycra pants, red boots and a heavy white sweater lined with red faux fur at the neck and cuffs.

She looked...Christmassy.

"What the hell do you think? Original Cindy's dragging your sorry ass back to the party! The party _you_ started, by the way." she huffed angrily. "What's your dealio, Boo? You can't ditch your peeps after psyching 'em up! They trust you, and they actually believed every line of crap you fed 'em. You owe it to them to show your face there and pretend to have a good time!"

Max felt her hackles rise again, and growled angrily at her friend. At least, she tried. Original Cindy had a heavy knitted cap in her hands, and hit her none-too-gently on the nose with it...as she would a disobedient pet.

She looked at her friend astonished, Cindy's pissed-off expression barely concealing the smirk threatening to bloom on her lips. She still held her cap ready to smack her again, though...Huffing noisily, Max tilted her head to the side and put on an outraged expression. "So help me God Cindy, if you even _think_ of say 'bad Max'..."

Cindy laughed, the tension gone. She took Max by the hand and led her to one of the few remaining booths.

"OK Boo, tell Original Cindy everythin'. What's eating you? Why are you here? It's not your regular night."

Max let out a sigh and looked up to the ceiling. After a few moments she looked back to her friend and spoke longingly. "It's just...I just miss him so much. I can't have Christmas without him. I can't be happy without him." A tear escaped her eye. "What's the point of celebrating if he won't be there to enjoy it with me? I don't want to be happy alone..."

"OK, let's put aside the fact that this is YOUR party, and everyone is there waiting for you to show them what it means. What makes it any different from a night at Crash? Do you plan on mope around the rest of your life? And I'm not sayin' that you should forget Logan. Or that you _could_. 'Cos you can't. You never really forget your first love, you know? You just...go on living."

"He told me that, you know." whispered Max.

"What? Who did?"

"Logan. The night that...that Diamond died. He told me that you never really get over your first love."

Cindy's eyes grew moist, Max's and her own feelings of loss getting to her. "Well, yeah...our boy knew what he was talkin' about. You don't have to forget him, Boo. But you deserve to be happy."

"Why Cindy? Why do I deserve to be happy?"

"Everyone deserves to be happy, Max - it's in the frikkin' Constitution! Original Cindy's not tellin' you to go and bang the first man-dog you cross, she's not sayin' that you should start dating tomorrow, or the next week. But you have to give yourself a break. You need to let go of the guilt. 'Cos it'll eat you up if you don't."

"I don't want to 'date' anyone, tomorrow, next week or next year. I want Logan." Max was trembling slightly with the effort of holding back from crying, her slim form tense.

Cindy put a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder, and then an arm over Max's shoulder, holding her close.

"It's OK, Boo...sometimes it's aaight to cry." When Max heard that she let go, letting out a deep, shuddering sob that gave way to all the tears she'd been holding in for months.

Cindy hugged her, trying to comfort her. Then something came to her..."Boo...you're waiting for him to come back, aint'ya..." She felt Max stiffen in her arms. A few seconds later she relaxed, and Cindy felt her nod on her shoulder. "Dayum, Max! How long are you plannin' on waiting?"

"As long as it takes...he didn't give up on me when everyone thought I died, I'm not giving up on him now."

Cindy had no answer for that, so she just held her friend and sat with her. "Anyways, you really need to be at that party Boo. Them boys and girls need you there, need you to show them that, despite everythin' that went down you can be happy every now and then...if you can do it, it means they can, too." Cindy paused a moment, hesitant to play with her friend's emotions, but she really needed to make her understand. "After all, Logan would want you to be happy..."

Max snorted mirthlessly, and stood. "It's official, you're spending way too much time with Alec..."

The friends shared a look that conveyed their understanding, shared pain and unshakable friendship, and headed downstairs in a comfortable silence.

* * *

**Terminal City – March, 2022.**

Weeks passed by, and the tension around Terminal City relaxed slowly. The usual mob outside claiming for the transgenic blight to be purged from the face of the planet dwindled to the usual assortment of loiterers, crackpots and the occasional minor politician seeking free airtime. Max's plan to continue Eyes Only had finally borne fruit, and she did the first hack herself, using Logan's voice distortion software to bring back the familiar red white and blue banner to every TV set in the city. Sebastian's remaining doubts were dispelled by the uproar created by the hack. It was just a minor drug running operation, but the people cheered and talked about it for days afterwards. Logan's focus on the transgenic cause had angered and alienated many people, but the crime rate in the city had gone up noticeably in the ensuing months. In the following weeks many informants reached out to the newly reformed Net, bringing it back on line. It wasn't as large or far reaching as the original one, but Max made up this shortcoming by tasking almost 20 X series as field operatives.

Another pleasant surprise came from the least likely source.

In a matter of weeks the State Senate held a series of closed inquiries regarding White's handling of the Jam Pony incident, and Max made sure that they found evidence linking him to the Chinatown Epidemic, among other things. What surprised and amused her to no end was the reason for the investigation.

Apparently Seattle's aristocrats didn't take White's attack on one of their own lightly.

Logan might have been despised, ridiculed by his peers for his political and social opinions, but he was still a Cale, and to tolerate what was to them an obvious personal attack, backed by (mostly) false charges would have set a dangerous precedent. As Alec put it, there actually _were_ different laws for the rich and powerful, and Logan would've been very pissed to be cleared of all charges and publicly vindicated by the upper class's abuse of its power. Max had to admit that it _was_ funny.

As a result the NSA directive to contain and terminate the transgenics was suspended and reviewed thoroughly. As the inconsistencies started to pile on, the many instances of White's abuse of his power came to light, and he was arrested and whisked away to Washington DC to face a FBI inquiry. Through these proceedings Max kept leaking evidence about every encounter the transgenics had had with White's men, including the presence of both the snipers and the faux SWAT team at the Jam Pony siege. Logan had erased the Informant Network from his station in TC, but had left all his files regarding Manticore, White and the Familiars. After a few days of tinkering with it Max had cracked all his passwords and accessed all that data. She'd been astonished at the sheer amount of information, and had kept working on it alongside her Eyes Only research.

As a result, the search & terminate order on the transgenic population had been rescinded, and a tenuous truce quietly offered by the federal government. It wasn't perfect. But it was a start.

For the first time in years, Max felt she didn't have to run anymore.

* * *

**Terminal City Command Center - April 09, 2022. 10.30 PM**

After sleeping fitfully for a few hours on Logan's grave, Max slowly made her way back. She had spent the rest of the day going over supplies reports with Alec and Mole. She was spent, bone-weary and terribly bored.

So when the call came from the perimeter guards that someone had slipped past the newly erected fences she seized the chance to run away from the paperwork.

As she approached the team shadowing the intruder she felt the gloom of the day being washed away by adrenalin. It had been a while since she had allowed herself to go out in the field. '_I'll have to change that..._'

The intruder slipped from her cover in a partially demolished building, and walked slowly down a darkened alley, her cat-like step and stance marking her as an X series. She stood a moment in the full moonlight, and Max glimpsed her face. She was young, probably an X6. She looked to be around sixteen years old, about 5'4" with long, straight hair reaching down to the middle of her back, held loosely in a ponytail. Her hair was darkish, probably brown or dark red, and her eyes gleamed yellow in the near dark, like a cat's.

Max signaled the team to surround her, and when she got single tone on her comm link indicating they were on position jumped down from her second-story perch, landing noiselessly in a crouch a hundred feet behind her.

The X6 sensed her, though, and turned quickly to face her.

Max smiled. "You know you're trespassing, right?"

The girl recognized her as an X5, and stood at attention. "Ma'am! X6-475 reporting for duty, Ma'am!"

This brought a chorus of badly concealed snickers from the guards, relaxing at the evidence that the intruder actually belonged inside Terminal City. The 5-men team showed themselves, and approached Max and 475 at a leisurely, non-threatening pace. It had been a while since Max had 'received' a newcomer, and they had no intention to miss the show. It beat standing guard anyway.

Max huffed, annoyed both by the girl's answer and the guards eagerness for free entertainment at her expense.

'_Better get it over with, then..._'

"At ease, 475. We're not in Manticore anymore. I'm Max. What's your name?"

The girl looked up to her with a mixture of awe and respect. "Max? You're X5-452?" If anything, she stood straighter than before, looking firmly over Max's shoulder. "Ma'am! It'll be an honor to serve under your command!"

Now, Max was pissed. It didn't help that the guards didn't even try to hide their amusement, and were betting amongst themselves about what would she name the girl. The favorite seemed to be 'Stick'...

Throwing a glance that promised a long and convoluted revenge at them she focused her attention back on the soldier standing rigidly in front of her. Seeing the girl blanch at her expression, she relaxed a bit and spoke gently. "At ease, soldier. We are not in Manticore anymore, strict military protocol is NOT expected of you...nor do I intend to put up with it. Understood?"

475 relaxed her stance, but couldn't hide her apprehension. "Ma'am?"

"Max."

"Pardon?"

"Max. That's my name. Use it, it won't wear out." Max looked her over, and her gaze stopped abruptly on the slight but telling bulge on her stomach. "You're pregnant? How old are you?"

"According to my cover, I just turned sixteen years old. As far as I know, this is accurate. Ma'.." she caught Max narrowed eyes at her use of the title, and stopped herself. "...Max."

One of the guards snorted and chimed in "Nice save. Maybe you'll make it to next week!" The rest of his team joined in his laughter.

Max turned and barked at them. "Seeing as you have so much energy and time in your hands, you can go back to your posts. And take the next shift, too." She smiled evilly at the chorus of groans that answered her. With much grumbling and shuffled feet, the patrol resumed their posts, throwing around the blame for their extra duties.

Max turned back to her new charge, and asked again. "So, what's your name? And how did you get pregnant?"

"My cover name is Jess, Jessica." Jess lowered her eyes at her stomach, and seemed reluctant to answer the second question. As she was steeling herself to answer, Max interrupted her gently.

"Your first heat?" Jess nodded, eyes still downcast. "It's OK, it wasn't your fault. I know what that bitch's like. Don't worry, we'll take care of you. So, tell me about yourself. You said your 'cover' name is Jessica. How long were you on assignment?"

Jess smiled a little at her before answering. "I was placed in a very exclusive private school, with my handler posing as my mother. I was to befriend the daughter of a Senator who had oversight on Manticore's funds, using my status as only child of a working, single mother to insinuate myself into her family, and keep tabs on her father. When we received news of Manticore's destruction my handler tried to make contact with Command, and received the order to contain me and report back to base, to be debriefed by the authorities taking over."

"You mean kill you, and get back to Manticore's ruins to be interrogated and killed." Max cut in angrily.

"Yes, that was her assessment too. So she set up new identities for us both, and placed me in a new school on another city. She leased an apartment under a third identity and left me enough funds to get by. She instructed me to lay low, integrate and wait. If she didn't return or contacted me within six months I was to consider my status changed to deep undercover and remain there." Jess hesitated. "She never did return."

Max was shocked. "You mean to tell me you've spent the last two years just going to school? Living alone?"

"Nineteen months and seventeen days. And another year before on mission."

"How did you end up here? Why didn't you stay there? Didn't you like your life?"

"Well...yes, I liked school; as most subjects came easily I was able to take many extracurricular activities, and made...friends..." Jess looked at Max, afraid at her indiscretion.

Max laughed "Oh honey, it's OK! I've made many friends here, I'm the last person to bitch about 'phony sentimentality'. But the question remains. Why did you give it up? Why come here?"

"Well...I...I went into heat and...I just had to leave..." Jess shoulders slumped, her whole stance fell.

Max knew what she felt, and couldn't help herself. She hugged her. At first the younger girl stiffened, surprised and unsure. But after a few moments she relaxed into her arms and returned the hug.

As they stood there, she heard a familiar step approaching them, and took a deep breath to collect herself. The last thing she needed was Alec giving her grief. Then she stiffened, shocked. She took another breath, deeper this time, burrowing her nose in Jess's collarbone.

And with a snarl, Max grabbed her by the throat and slammed her against the wall, _hard_.

A moment later she felt a pair of strong hands pushing her away from Jess, who fell to the ground in shock, looking at her scared.

"What the fuck, Max!? Are you insane? You could have hurt her!" Alec stood between the two women, keeping his eyes firmly on her. Max however, ignored him and stared at the fallen girl, her eyes narrowed to slits, gleaming green in the pale moonlight, her body quivering, coiled to strike at a moment's notice.

"Max...? What's wrong?" Alec moved himself fully in front of her, obscuring her view of her prey. "Come on Maxie, you're scaring your old pal Alec, here..."

Max ignored him, and shifted her stance to look back at Jess. "Where is he? TELL ME!"

"Max! Stop!"

"She knows, Alec! She knows...and she's going to tell me..."

Alec was freaked. Max wasn't making any sense. '_What's she talking about? He...she can't mean..._'

He took another step back, and helped the wary X6 to her feet, keeping himself between them. As she took his arm and stood close behind him, traces of a familiar scent reached his nose. Eyes wide in disbelief he turned to look at Jess, and noticed her clothing. She was wearing a largedenim jacket that had opened when Max shoved her against the wall, and under that he could see an old, faded, gray sweatshirt, bearing the Yale University logo. A sweatshirt too big for her frame.

A man's sweatshirt.

And still clinging to it, faint but fresh, was Logan's scent.

"Fuck"

TBC...

**AN2: Yeah, yet another clifhanger. I'm EVIL. Now, chapter 10 is shorter, and will pick up right where chapter 8 ends, hopefuly answering all those pesky questions about Jessica... **

**R&R peeps!**

19


	10. Moving On

**AN: I wish I could say that life got in the way but...truth is, I've had this chapter ready to post for almost three months, and it kinda skipped my mind...Mea Culpa. Next two chapters are waiting to be edited, and the rest of the story - 3 to 6 chapters - are a jumble of thoughts waiting for me to have time to start writing them down. That said, let me make something clear: I WILL FINISH THIS STORY. And the others I've been working on as well. It'll just take some time.**

**Many thanks and chocolate & oatmeal cookies to Shy & Mari for all the hard work and help with this story. Whitout your help this would've never happened. **

**I'd like to be able to thank each and everyone who left a review (and nag all of you that didn't, but we'll leave that for another day), especially my peeps at DAR, Alan Grey Jeanneteg and Nattylovesu, with a big hug to my new favorite Victoriam Speramus, who put me over the 100 review mark. Go read her stories!**

**Chapter 10 – Moving On.**

**Crensaw High School – January 2022**

One of the perqs that came with the job was access to the school gym and indoor pool. He had taken to staying after class to make use of the facilities three times a week, lifting weights and doing several laps on the pool. He reveled in his new physical strength, and pushed himself to the limit. He had also started to spend time around the basketball court, and had offered his help to the coach with the training of the younger kids.

He had started hanging around, joking with the kids, until one day one of them decided to challenge him to a simple game, one on one, and Logan had wiped the floor with him, using several flashy moves to do so. After that it was just a matter of days before the coach offered him an assistant position.

Logan spent four evenings a week helping teach and train the younger kids, and he was enjoying himself. He might not be putting drug dealers out of business, or taking down corrupt politicians, but he felt that he was actually making a difference, for the first time in a long time. It seemed too good to last.

It was.

**Crensaw High School – January 8, 2022 5:30 PM**

It was a regular Friday after-class meeting, Logan and his students were talking about the week's assignment, Swift's _Gulliver Travels_. At first the book was received with surprise and jokes, but, as it turned out, none of them had read the full book, just the abridged, child-friendly version if any at all, and were intrigued by his choice. Logan hoped at least one of them had understood the satiric meaning behind the work. And he wasn't disappointed. Jessica had.

Of course.

Jessica was his favorite student. While he knew he shouldn't (and didn't) show any favoritism, he couldn't help himself. The girl was brilliant. She came across as somewhat shy and aloof, very respectful, and it took him a while to get her to ask all the questions he knew she had. She understood more than she let on, and never singled herself out by leading arguments, but she had started to participate in discussions, and her arguments were always insightful and compelling. It hinted at a brilliant intellect, and Logan decided to nurture it. He asked her to stay after his class ended, and asked her about it. Jessica said that she'd decided not to show off, to be average, to try and fit in as much as possible. She'd had many problems settling in when she had transferred to the school, and it had become a habit. After much discussion, Logan persuaded her to write an essay on a book of her choice; since he already knew her to be holding herself back, it would not do any harm, and it would help him adjust his teaching to her level. She'd chosen _Catcher in the Rye_.

He should have seen it, then...

After that, they would spend most of her free periods talking. It also became a habit for them to take their lunch together in the school's park. It was after a few weeks of this daily ritual that Logan found himself summoned to the principal's office.

"You wanted to see me, Bob?"

"Ah, Stephen. Yes, come in please" Principal Stewart was a nice man, soft-spoken, always smiling. Today, though, he wasn't. "I'm not one to give in to rumors, but I've been hearing some disturbing things..."

Logan looked up sharply. Principal Stewart was frowning, clearly uncomfortable with the subject. "Rumors, Bob? And what might those rumors be?" Logan paused for a moment, adjusting his glasses without taking his eyes from the other man's face. "And why tell _me_?"

"Look, Stephen, I don't believe a word, but you know how these things go, right?"

"No, actually I don't. I don't understand what you're saying, Bob."

Principal Stewart sighed deeply, obviously uncomfortable with broaching the subject. "OK. Rumor has it that you've spent an unusual amount of time with certain student. A certain _female_ student...?"

Logan was stunned. He couldn't mean..."You mean Jessica Brown? She's part of the drama club, and of my reading group. Of course I spend a lot of time with her! With all of them! I don't see...what, you mean _lunch_?"

"Yes Stephen, lunch. It's not customary, and it's leading to a lot of speculation."

"Come on, Bob! That's ridiculous, I could be her father! She's just a very gifted student, and I don't see how talking through lunch, in public, on school property, can be construed as anything else!"

"Be that as it may, and bear in mind that I believe you, it should stop. The last thing we need is a lawsuit."

Logan rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly, a nervous habit he retained after years of wearing glasses.

"OK, say we meet in a 'safe' place, say, the library, for example. Plenty of witnesses there. I'll even sit in front of the librarian's desk. Would that be agreeable to you?" he bit out sarcastically.

"No need to get nasty, Stephen. It's for all of our sakes that I'm talking to you, even yours. You've only been teaching for a short while, so apparently you have never been in a situation like this before, but I have. Careers are destroyed like this, Stephen. Even a hint of improper behavior with a student, and you're marked for the rest of your life. Look, Stephen...you're a good man, a good teacher, and I believe you have not, _would not_ do anything inappropriate. And I also know that you've accomplished more with Ms. Brown in the few months you've been here than anyone else has in the past two years. But the fact remains that in these cases, even a shadow of a doubt is unacceptable. My responsibility is the safety and well-being of the students first, and the school and its faculty second. So it's both in her and your own best interests that I deal with this now. Normally I would just put a stop to it completely, but you are doing a stellar job, so I'm going to give you both a chance. Ms. Brown has a free period on Wednesdays and Fridays after lunch. You're allowed to meet with her then, at the library, in full view of the cameras in front, and submit a by-weekly report of her academic progress for the school records." Logan tried to interrupt, but Bob kept talking. "We need to document it, just in case. I know it's not ideal, and yes, it's unfair. But it's this or nothing. Your choice."

And twice per week, Logan met with Jessica after classes in the library, talking, discussing about books and her other classes. After his talk with Principal Stewart, Logan thought long and hard about his words. Was he wrong to spend so much time on a student? Was there anything else there? He didn't think so. Granted, Jessica _was_ beautiful, slim, with long, straight chestnut hair hanging down her back. She walked with a quiet air of confidence, elegant, almost cat-like sometimes. But he didn't see her like that. He hadn't looked at a woman 'like that' in almost three years. Not since _she_ came into his life. And, he admitted to himself, considering his dates over the last few months he didn't see himself starting to do so any time soon. What drew him to Jessica was something different. For all her intelligence, there was a certain naiveté to her; a look of confusion he saw sometimes in her eyes. It made him want to protect her, to help her. He realized that she stirred in him some of the old fire that led him to start Eyes Only. He didn't see her as just a student. He saw her as a little sister. Which, he had to admit, was not good either.

**Logan's Apartment – January 20, 2022 09.40 PM**

Logan prepared himself for an early night. He had just finished dinner and was cleaning the kitchen when Sasha started barking.

"What's up girl? It's still early for your walk."

The dog ignored him, and stood in front of the door, growing, hackles raised. A few moments later someone knocked. This sent Sasha into another barking fit. Logan was intrigued - Sasha was usually an agreeable soul. He felt a rush of adrenalin at the thought of having been found, so he took Sasha and locked her in his bedroom, and went to open the door with his gun on hand. He took a deep breath to steel himself, and called out.

"Who is it?"

"Mister Gibson? It's Jessica...I...I need your help."

Logan was surprised '_How on earth does she know where I live?_' While he had been required to provide all his information for the school records, he had 'accidentally' misspelled his street's name, giving a completely different address. As he hadn't found a permanent residence when he first arrived, he had all his mail forwarded to a post office near the school, and kept it like that. '_Old habits die hard, after all._' He was shaken from his thoughts by Jessica's voice.

"Mister Gibson? Stephen? Please...I need help." It was her voice, cracking at the end that led him to open the door. He wasn't ready for what he saw.

Jessica was hugging her stomach, breathing heavily. Her hair, usually in a neat ponytail was in complete chaos, and she seemed flushed. She was sweating profusely, quite a feat in mid winter, considering she only wore a t-shirt and a light corduroy jacket. But it was her eyes that drew him. Jessica's eyes were beautiful, a light honey towards the center, ringed with dark green. But now he could barely see the color, her pupils were so dilated her eyes appeared to be almost black.

"Jessica? What are you doing here? Are you OK?"

"Please, Stephen...I'm not well...I need you to help me."

Logan stepped aside, keeping the gun out of sight and hiding it in his lower back. Jessica entered with quick, jerky steps, and sat herself on the edge of the couch. Even seated, she didn't quite stop moving, fidgeting and fanning herself.

"God, it's hot in here! Don't you feel it?" Jessica stood abruptly, tore out her jacket and resumed her place on the couch. She looked around, with a distracted, evaluating look.

Logan was struck by her resemblance to Max, then. It was in the way she took stock of everything, the door, the windows, the position of the furniture...

'_She's assessing the place..._'

'_**Come on, man, you've got to stop doing that! It's been four months already, you've got to stop looking for Max everywhere!**_'

'_Maybe you're right..._'

He focused again on Jessica, and was taken aback by the look of confusion and hunger her eyes held. Logan licked his lips nervously, and didn't fail to notice that Jessica stared intently at him as he did so.

"Jessica...what's wrong? Why did you come here? If you're sick, you should go to the hospital. Do you want me to drive you? The doctors will help you..." Jessica's gaze hardened when he mentioned the hospital, eyes narrowed, and her face took on a stony look, one he was very familiar with.

"No doctors" She stood again slowly, sinuously, and sauntered towards him with a hungry yet determined face.

"Jessica...?"

She stopped a foot in front of him, and gazed up and down at him appraisingly. "Stephen, I...ache. It hurts. I need your help"

'_**Damn, it does look like she's...**_'

"What do you need, Jessica? How can I help..."

Logan was cut short as he found himself with an armful of squirming teenager flesh. He felt dizzy, stunned both by her actions and by his own body's response to them. Her hands were everywhere, she was kissing him frenziedly, sucking, biting, nipping...she was all over him. He could feel the heat of her body, feel her covered in a sheen of sweat. For a moment he surrendered himself to the pleasure. It had been a long time, too long. He had not had sex in over three years, hadn't kissed anyone in a year, since the junked car...since Max.

_Max._

He stopped himself, and tried to disentangle himself from Jessica. She didn't approve. Logan managed to tear her away, and held her firmly by the shoulders.

"Jessica, stop! This is wrong. This isn't you..." Looking at her eyes, wild, feral, filled with anger and lust, shining faintly I the dim light - he had to accept the truth.

She _was _a transgenic. And she was in heat.

With a low angry growling she crashed against him again, tearing his shirt and biting his chest in the process. Remembering something Cindy had told him about Max's heat phases, Logan pushed her away again and slapped her.

Hard.

Jessica blinked as she regained some control and took stock of her surroundings. Focusing again on Logan, she stared at his chest, bleeding slightly from the bite and scratch marks, hair wild, and without a word ran from the apartment.

Logan took a moment to collect himself. His favorite student. His project. An X-series.

'_**An X in heat, scared and alone. On the loose in the streets of L.A. She'll be lucky if she just gets banged once.**_'

'_Yeah, well...that's not my problem anymore._'

'_**Oh yeah? Tell me one thing, then. Why did you start the Logan Cale Brigade for Widows, Small Children and Lost Animals?**_'

'_What?_'

'_**WHY – DID – YOU – BECOME – EYES – ONLY? It wasn't for the perqs, that's for sure...**_'

'_I did it to help the people who needed it!_'

'_**Bullshit! WHY DID YOU DO IT?**_'

'_Because..._' Logan stood there a moment, stunned again by the revelation.

'_**You can change your name, your job, dye your hair, but you cannot change that which drives you my friend, who you really are. Why did you start Eyes Only?**_' his wiser inner self demanded.

Logan sighed tiredly, then felt the almost-forgotten rush of adrenaline wash over him, pushing him into action. He refused to think about the guilt he was feeling about hurting Jessica as he took his coat and Sasha's leash from the rack besides the door before fetching her from his room. As he closed the door and began searching for Jessica Logan allowed himself a last moment to reflect on his actions and feelings.

"Because no one else cared. Because no one else would."

'_**Attaboy**_'

"Shut up."

**TBC... (no, really!)**


	11. Consequences

**OK: I admit it. I suck. I'm sorry it took this long, but there was just too many things going on in my life - and inside my head - to work on this or any other stories. I _hate_ to get caught up in a story only to find it hasn't been updated in months, if not years, and is likely that it never will. I swore to myself I never would do that. Then again, I also swore never to become a lurker, so...**

**I can't promise fast - or even regular - updates, but I WILL START WORKING ON THIS STORY AGAIN. I have another chapter almost ready, I will tweak a few things and post it sometime next week, but after that it will take a while. **

**On that topic, RL finally caught up with my super beta/sounding board, the amazing Shywr1ter, so from this chapter on I'll be working without her help. That means that any and all mistakes -and there will be many - will be solely my responsability. Still, many thanks are due for all her hard work over the last two years. A huge thank you to Mari as well, for her friendship and support, even when she's swamped with her classes. Your Nekkid Logan has apparently been misplaced in the mail, but it will get there eventually :P**

**Most of all, THANK YOU to everyone who took the time to read my ramblings, you've made all this effort more than worth it.**

**Peace out.**

**Chapter 11 – Consequences.**

**Terminal City - April 09, 2022. 10.45 PM**

Alec was still trying to process everything when Max lunged at Jess again. Cursing himself for getting distracted he blocked Max's blow, grasped her arm and threw her over his shoulder. Max flew against the wall, but as she was about to hit it twisted and landed feet first, jumping away from it to fall in a defensive crouch in front of him. Now she did look at him. Alec wished she hadn't.

Max had schooled her expression into the familiar 'soldier' mask, but her eyes were wild, pupils fully dilated and focused on him.

"Alec, get the _fuck _out of my way. This does not concern you!" max glanced at Jess, still with her back against the far wall. "This is between the little bitch and me."

"Wrong. She's a soldier under your command, _our _command, and I'm not letting you kill her just because she wore the wrong t-shirt." His attempt at levity was weak, he knew, but he had to try. This Max, he had never seen before. He had seen her angry, sad, hurt, determined, but never this..._furious_. And never so focused at the same time. He just didn't know how to handle her. So he took a page from her own manual, and decided to wing it.

"Stand down, soldier! She's not the enemy, she's one of us, and she will be debriefed properly. But you're too close to this, Max. You're barely in control. Let me do it."

"Are you out of your mind? No way in hell I'm letting her out of my sight!"

"Max, stop! I know what you're thinking, and I agree. I can smell it, too." he softened his tone, trying to calm her. "Just let me do it, Max. Take a break, go see Cindy. This concerns her too, after all. I promise to keep you informed. But as things stand now, the only thing you'll accomplish is to scare her away."

Max looked at him with the old mix of distrust and wariness he had received in his first months in Seattle. He hadn't seen it in over a year. After a few seconds Max relaxed her stance, and relented.

"OK. I was getting sick of sitting around anyway. A long ride sounds good. I'll be back in the morning. I expect answers then."

"All right Max. You'll have them, I promise."

With a last long, hard look at the scared teenager Max turned on her heels and walked away. Just as Alec was starting to relax, Max stopped and turned her head slightly, looking at them over her shoulder.

"And Alec? You better hope I like what I hear. For both your sakes".

As he watched Max walk away, he heard a rustle of clothes behind him. Turning to Jessica he saw her expression go from scared to hardened determination. In light of everything that had happened in the last five minutes, there was only one thought in his mind.

_'Fuck.'_

**Crash – April 9, 2022 11.30 PM**

Original Cindy was enjoying herself . She'd been flirting with a tall, long-legged redhead for the last few nights, and it had finally payed off. They were at the bar, Amanda sitting towards the wall, playing coy, and Cindy lounging sideways in her stool, her back to the door. Just as she was about to lean and whisper something extremely inappropriate in Amanda's ear, she felt every hair on her neck raising. Stifling a shiver, she turned to the door and saw Max. And then she saw Max's face. '_Shit_' Cindy touched Amanda's arm lightly.

"Hey sugga, could you wait here a mo'? Original Cindy needs to talk to someone."

Amanda seemed surprised at first, then followed Cindy's gaze toward Max, who was walking straight towards them. Cindy's attention was still on Max when she felt the redhead stiffen and pull away from her. Original Cindy was confused, until she saw Amanda staring daggers at Max, and her friend was more than willing to return the favor. Letting out an annoyed snort, Cindy faced Max.

"You. Table at the back. Go." Turning back to Amanda, she put two fingers on her lips to stop her angry outburst. "She's a friend. She's Cindy's best friend and she's been hurtin' for a long while now. Original Cindy needs to be there for her boo, but that don't mean she won't have time fo' you later on...if you still game, that is."

For a moment it seemed that Amanda wasn't convinced, but then Cindy felt her smile, and stifled a slight gasp as she felt Amanda nipping playfully at her fingertips.

"Later it is, then."

"Dayum, girl. You're on." Cindy let out a shuddering sigh, and walked to Max's table.

**Terminal City - April 09, 2022. 11.20 PM**

Alec sat in his office looking curiously at Jessica.

It had taken him a while to convince her to follow him in, she had tried to leave as soon as Max was out of sight. In the end, he'd been forced to order her inside. In hindsight, it had been a mistake. Jess had obeyed, yes, but she had also closed down, refusing to look directly at him; she sat down, but remained aloof, expressionless.

"OK, Jessica, right?"

"My designation is X6-475, Sir!"

"Fine, 475 it is. Lets cut to the chase, shall we? Tell me about Logan."

"Who? I know no one by that name. Sir."

Alec was getting angry. Things were starting to go right, and Max seemed to be doing well. He didn't need this shit. Nobody did. "Don't play games with me soldier! I n case you hadn't noticed, things are going to be a little difficult for you when Max gets back, unless you give me something to make her happy."

"That's alright. I don't intend to be here when she does. Sir."

Alec rubbed his eyes tiredly. It had been a long day for him, too. He decided to change tactics.

"Look, you don't need to leave, in fact you will be safer here. We have a lot experience with x-series pregnancies, and have all the medical personnel needed to assist you. You ARE safe here."

Jessica snorted. "Yes, I've seen how safe I can be here. And you should remember that we've had the same training. Sir. You're not going to talk me into staying." she looked away from him, relaxing her stance a little. "He was right about you, at least."

Alec pounced on that. "He was? And what did he tell you about me?"

"Nothing I didn't know already. That you excelled at manipulating, among other things."

Alec felt his temper rising. '_Great. Just fucking great. Now I'm the villain to people that I've never met._' Reminding himself that the man had reasons to hate him, however misguided, he calmed down.

"So what was _he _wrong about, then?"

Jessica hesitated, before looking straight at his eyes. "He said that I could always trust Ma...452 to take care of another transgenic. He obviously didn't know her as well as he thought."

"Listen, don't judge Max for that. She's been under a lot of pressure this last two years. And things with Logan ...well, let's just say that it could have gone better. But she's not a bad person, and you'll see it as soon as she's back. I'm pretty sure that Original Cindy will calm her down, and she'll be back to her usual self in the morning. Meanwhile, why don't you tell me about Logan?"

"I already told you, I don't know anyone by that name. Sir."

"OK, then tell me about _him_. The one that told you to seek Max."

Jessica took a deep breath before continuing. "He... the man that told me to come here was a...friend. He helped me with some things. But I couldn't remain where I was, so he got me sector and city passes, money and directions to this facility. He told me to look for Max, that she would help me, and that I could trust her and one other person only. Now, I'm not sure what to think about that other person, but I think that I won't get any help from 452."

Alec leaned forward with interest. "Other? Who? Who did he tell you to contact?"

"That information is classified. And with all due respect, you don't have the clearance for it."

"Cut that bullshit, soldier! I'm SiC of Terminal City, which means that you answer to me _and_ to Max."

"Wrong. You might outrank me and be in charge of this base, but I'm not a part of your command, and my previous orders come from someone of higher rank than yours, or hers for that matter." Jess took a deep breath and made direct eye contact for the first time. "I won't tel you anything. I won't betray Ste...my contact's trust. So you can either torture me or let me go."

Alec was stunned, and a little pissed. '_She really thinks I would do it. That I would try to torture it out of her..._' The worst part was that it made sense. From Logan's standpoint, he was more than capable of doing it. Yes, it angered him that the young transgenic would automatically think the worst of him, hell, that _Logan_ would. But mostly, it just _hurt_. He was offended. After all he had done to be a better person, to live up to Max's - and to Logan's, he had to admit- standards, he was still regarded as a cruel, heartless prick. It didn't help that some of the people in Terminal City thought that he had enjoyed himself while lying to Logan. Not many, not even most people, but still...

Alec gathered his thoughts and looked again at the younger transgenic.

"OK, lets get something straight. Whatever you think, whatever Logan told you about me, the only thing that you need to know is that any and all transgenics are welcome here, as long as they follow the rules."

"And what are those rules? Sir."

"One, Max is always right. Two, everything Max does will be in the best interest of anyone here, even if it doesn't seem so at first. Three, Max doesn't give out orders, she makes suggestions. Four, take all her suggestions as orders. Five, never, and I mean _never_ piss her off. Six, every now and then Max fucks up. In that case, see rule number one. Do you understand these rules?"

Jessica stared at him. "Are you joking? _Those_ are the rules of this facility?"

"You have to understand something. Max is one of the '09 escapees. Which means she's been out and running for over twelve years now. She knows how to survive, how to blend in, how everything really works in this fucked up city. She knows who sells tryptophan, where to buy used clothes, when and where to find fresh produce before it hits the stalls. And she feels, hell she _is _responsible for all of us. She's one of the oldest X5's left alive, and she was SiC of her unit. She was trained for deep undercover and infiltration, and for leadership. As much as she denies it, as much as she fights it, she's a born leader. And no matter how much we hate her and her unit for escaping, for what they did to us afterwards, she's the best one for the job. And she knows it. That's what these rules are about. She hates Manticore, hates everything they did to her, to all of us, but the fact remains that we're not ready to go traipsing around. These rules are her way of keeping a semblance of military discipline and structure without actually having military discipline and structure. And you know what? It works. We have a familiar structure without the drills, the punishments, the fear. If you oversleep and are late for your assignments she _will_ make you pay for it; she'll yell at you, shame you into doing better, give you shitty assignments. But she will _never_ hit you, torture you or have you confined. Now, let me be clear. The only reason Max went psycho on you was Logan."

"Again, Sir, I do not know the person you are talking about."

"Whatever. _Him_, then. You know, the one that gave you that shirt? The one whose smell is all over you? Which reminds me, you really should change clothes. Take a shower, too. Get his scent off of you before Max gets another whiff of Èau de Logan and goes postal on you again." Alec let out a heavy sigh. "To put it simply, Logan is her breaking point. They've gone through so much together, fought together, suffered together...and she can't be objective about him. Never could, and probably never will. As far as she's concerned, the sun rises and sets when he says so, and rainbows come out of his ass." He paused again, annoyed at his own outburst. " The important thing is...the thing you need to understand, Max loved Logan. She didn't understand what it was, and it took her a year to get it. And then she was wounded and captured when Lydecker and some of the 09'ers attacked Manticore two years ago. Eventually she escaped and burned the place to the ground, but not before she was injected with a retrovirus targeted specifically to Logan's DNA. Now, Max loved Logan, Logan loved Max, and they couldn't be with each other without Logan dying. They struggled, fought and tried to stay together, to find a cure. In the end, Max cracked. It was the only time I saw her breaking down. And then she did something very stupid."

"She went back to her breeding partner. To you. I know the story. Sir"

Alec flinched at the coldness in her tone, laced with anger and contempt. '_Damn, Logan did a real job on her, too_'

"No. We never were...well, we _were,_ but we never did uhmm, consummate. The first thing she did was to kick my ass across the room, and tell me that was the only contact we would ever have. And she meant it. The whole dating me deal was a lie, a stupid, cruel lie for Logan's benefit. You see, he had gotten careless ant touched her, and seeing him infected, almost dying, was too much for her. For all her good qualities, all of her strengths, Maxie is weak and irrational when it comes to him. So she did the only thing that she could think of, and lied to him to make Logan hate her. It was a bad situation, that eventually went FUBAR. I'm not telling you this to make you like me, or Max. I need you to understand why she attacked you, and why she's not going to let you go. If you run, she'll track you down and then you _really_ will be in trouble. Remember the fifth rule." He raised a hand to forestall Jess interruption. " I know, it's not fair. It doesn't matter. Things are what they are, and you are a part of all this shit now. All I am asking of you is that you give Maxie a chance, and tell her what she needs to hear."

" And what might that be? I hope you don't expect me to give you his location, because that will never happen. If he wanted her to know his whereabouts he would have contacted her. So no matter how or why he left, he chose to leave this facility and her in the past. And nothing you say will change that." Jessica hesitated, her gaze lost for a moment before focusing back on Alec. "He still hurts, you know? I could see it. He would be talking about food, or basketball, or a book, and his eyes would cloud. He usually recovered quickly, but I could see the pain and despair there before he could cover it up. I wondered about it, and when he...helped me during my heat, he told me about her. And I hated her. I hated that someone could hurt him so badly. That someone_ would._"

As Jessica said this last part she placed her hands protectively on her belly. This didn't go unnoticed. Alec felt a cold shiver down his spine.

"When he helped you with your heat? What do you mean exactly?" He didn't want to know, really. He was afraid to know the answer. And the defiant stare he got from Jess just made the knot in his stomach worse.

**Crash – April 9, 2022 11.45 PM**

Original Cindy cocked a perfectly stiled eyebrow at her friend. She opened her mouth as if to speak, only to close it with a baffled expression. She repeated the act a few more times before speaking.

"OK Boo. Run that by Original Cindy once more. There's this little girl, new on the 'hood. She's pregnant. And she showed up wearing our boy's clothes. That about right?"

Max just grunted, draining her beer in one long swallow.

"Not just his clothes, Cindy. The little bitch had his scent all over her. She knows where Logan is, and she's going to tell me!"

Cindy was taken aback by the intensity, the anger in Max's voice.

"Look, Original Cindy knows what you're feeling, aiight? She understands, and she misses Logan, too. But It seems to her that you're a little too angry about this."

"A little angry? A _little_? She shows up in my city, wearing his clothes like nothing's wrong! Who the fuck does she think she is?"

Original Cindy stared hard at her friend. She wasn't making any sense, but the anger was there, and it didn't seem to be going away any time soon. Then a though occurred to her.

"Max. Original Cindy's gonna ask you something very simple. An' she expects a direct answer, OK?"

"Yeah, OK. What is it?"

"Do you hate her 'cause she wears his clothes? 'Cause she can touch him? 'Cause she probably _did_? Or is it 'cause you think Logan's her baby's daddy?"

That did it. Max was mid-swallow when Cindy asked the last question, and the beer went down the wrong way. After much coughing and sputtering, and after wiping her mouth, nose and hands Max sat there looking lost. a while later she mumbled something.

"Boo?"

"I said yes. To all your questions."

"Hmm. Original Cindy thinks she sees the green-eyed monster rearin' it's head."

"What? What does that even mean?"

"That you're jealous, Boo."

"No shit, Sherlock!" Max snorted "I wanted to kill Asha every time she touched Logan. And there were several X5 and even a couple X6's trying to get their fucking mitts on my man! And now this one comes not only smelling like him, but pregnant..."

"Look Max, you said that she tol'you she got pregnant during her heat? You better than anyone understand that there wasn't much she _could_ do 'bout that. But that's not what's eatin' you, is it. Is the fact that Logan would have sex with her." Original Cindy shook her head with an annoyed expression. "You can't have both ways Boo. You wanted our boy to be happy, to have a new life." Cindy held up her hand to stop Max's objections. "Yeah, Original Cindy knows you wanted to kiss and make up with him, so to speak. But that's no longer possible. Original Cindy knows that you been holdin' on the idea that one day he would come back to you...that he would still be yours. But you gotta step to the real, an' see things as they are. Now, Original Cindy knows that Logan ain't gonna marry this little girl, an' she seriously doubts that he's the daddy, 'cause we both know that there ain't no way in hell that boy woulda' let her go, transgenic or not. He mighta' not married her, but he woulda stepped up an' taken responsibility for the little one. Original Cindy knows _fo' sure_ that Logan sent this girl here, to you, so she could be taken care of properly. You still love that boy? You wanna do right by him? Then do what _he_ wants. What he _needs_. Logan sent her to TC so she would be safe. So stop cryin' and _do your job_."

Max looked at her with anger, but after a few moments her eyes softened and dropped to her hands.

"But it hurts, Cindy. I thought that I was done hurtin'"

"I know, Boo. But you gotta' go back, talk to her, and make it right."

Max huffed angrily. "Do I really have to? Can't I just hook her up and like, never see her again?"

"Stop pouting, girl! It ain't cute right now. And no, you have to make nice to her. If you apologize, and behave as you shoulda' in the first place, maybe this Jessica will tell you how to contact Logan. Mind you, you can't just demand she tell you. If she's anything like you it'll only make her clam up faster. But you treat her right, be straight with her an' tell her everything, she might give you what you want."

That, finally, brought a small smile to Max's face.

**Los Angeles, January 21, 2022 12.15 AM**

After walking around the streets near his house for hours he finally found her walking in a daze. She looked like hell. Her hair was dirty and matted, her shirt ripped, she had lost a shoe and had a split lip and a nasty bruise on one cheek. At first she didn't hear Logan call her name. It took a few tries before she acknowledged his presence. The look of fear and self loathing on her face tore at him. She looked very much like Max had on the night after their first anniversary.

'_God, I'm too late..._'

'_**Whatever. Just be careful, aaight? This ain't Max. You have no idea how she'll react to you.**_'

'_Don't bring __**her**__ up..._'

'_**Chill, man. I'm just sayin'...**_'

Logan tried one more time. "Jessica...? Are you alright?" He approached her slowly, avoiding any sudden moves. The last thing he wanted was to spook her.

'_**Spook her? She's not a fuckin deer, idiot. She's a genetically engineered killing machine. Worry about your own ass for once.**_'

Ignoring his thoughts Logan took a last step towards her, and stood at her side. He touched her arm lightly, just two fingertips, attempting to make eye contact with her.

"Jessica? Jess...talk to me, please. Are you alright?"

Jess did react then, staring intently at his hand before locking eyes with him. After a few seconds she snorted and dropped her gaze. "No Stephen. I'm not OK. I'm as far from OK as a person can be right now." With that she started walking away from him.

"Jessica, wait! I can help you." Jess stopped walking, but didn't turn to him. "You came to me for help. And I failed you. Let me help you now, at least."

Jessica let out a mirthless laugh. It was a heartbreaking sound, a mixture of pain and despair that jarred in his ears. "You can't help me now." Logan was about to argue this when she spoke again. "You don't know what you're dealing with. It's better for you if you just walk away now. Goodbye Stephen."

Logan took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"I do understand, Jessica..."

'_**Shit, you better be right about this...**_'

"...You are not the first X-series in heat I've encountered."

Jessica stood still, knees slightly bent, weight shifted on the balls of her feet, shoulders hunched inwardly, arms hanging loosely at her sides. It was a deceptively relaxed posture, one that he had seen Max take countless times; one that didn't fool him at all. Logan knew that she was ready to pounce in an instant. Hell, that's what it would take her to cover the thirty feet between them. If he said the wrong thing now he would be dead before his eye could fully register her moving.

'_**Now you notice...**_'

'_You're not helping._'

His attention was brought back to the fetid streets by the soft, cold tone of Jess voice.

"What did you just said?"

Logan was speechless. She was facing him now, eyes narrowed to slits, her head cocked slightly to the left, her hair cascading on that side...she looked so much like Max...Bracing himself, he took a deep breath and started walking slowly towards her, stopping a few feet away.

"You heard me. I've met other X-series. Many of them, in fact. And I've seen one the day after she went into heat. Not before; that's why I didn't recognize the signs, although in hindsight they were quite obvious. In my defense, I've tried very hard to forget I ever had anything to do with Manticore transgenics. You reminded me of M... of her. And I didn't want to see it. I'm sorry about that. Maybe if I weren't in denial, I could've helped you before."

"Who are you? What do you know?"

"I know about Manticore. I know you're an X-series transgenic, most likely an X6 by your age. I know how you were trained. What they did to you. I know why. And I know exactly what you could do to me, if you choose to. The question is, what _will_ you do. Will you kill me? Run away? Or will you trust me as you did until this morning and let me help you?"

Jessica stared hard at him, her eyes flashing with distrust and anger. He knew that look, he had seen in Max the first months of their...partnership. And several times after that, in many of Terminal City residents.

'_**Fuck fuck FUCK! She's going to break OUR neck, you asshole!**_'

'_Well, she'll kill me or she won't. There's nothing I can do either way_'

"OK."

Logan blinked, surprised by the subdued tone. He had let his thoughts wander again.

"Excuse me? What did you say?"

" I said OK. Help me."

Logan breathed in relief. Not only because he was going to live, but because he really hoped to help Jessica. He had failed too many people, too many times. He wanted to do things right for a change.

"All right. Let's go home."

The weeks following Jessica's heat passed quickly for Logan.

They talked through the night after Jessica had showered and changed. One thing that surprised him was that now that he was paying attention he could smell the pheromones. He had been around several transgenics in heat during his stay in Terminal City, and although nothing had happened, the earthy, heavy smell was very difficult to forget. He _should _have noticed before, and maybe stopped Jessica from hurting herself. But the truth was that if she hadn't run, he would've had sex with her.

'_**You mean you woulda' fucked her brains out. 'Cos you know that's the only cure for it.**_'

'_Whatever..._'

But it was a valid point. If he had caught the early stages he could've sedated her, kept her safe. But by the time she came to him there were only two courses of action. And Jessica took the other. It didn't make it any easier for him. They had talked at length about Manticore, and their shared experiences. She told him about her last mission, and her handler's choice. He spun his tale since Max's first broke into his apartment, up to the fateful morning when his world unraveled around him. Logan told her about Eyes Only, about their first year as friends and partners, and the night before the attack on Manticore. His desolate period of mourning and revenge. About the trials of the following year. Of White, the NSA and the Familiars. But mostly about _them_.

Alec and Max.

494 and 452.

The next morning Logan escorted Jessica to her apartment, and promised to help her in any way she needed. As it turned out she needed him before long.

**Los Angeles, Late March 2022.**

There had been rumors about Jessica all over the school, apparently someone had spotted her walking around on the prowl, and later saw the state she was after giving in to her hormones. It would have stopped there, as idle gossip if not for small detail.

Jessica was pregnant.

Logan considered to have her transferred, but the scandal would only grow like that, and after the allegations of improper conduct at school the problem would just follow her around. In the end she decided to skip town. And in a moment of weakness Logan mentioned the transgenic heaven in Seattle. Assured her that Max would care for her, for her family. And gave her the name of one another contact in case something went wrong.

As part of the preparations for the trip Logan accessed one of his old contacts. After all, he had started with very little, and knew all those contacts by heart. What he hadn't expected was to find the Informant Network up and running again. When he accessed the blind email account that he had set up as part of his cover identity he received an email with the correct codes and passwords to resume contact. Logan assumed that either Matt Sung or Sebastian had done it, and used the new list of contacts and informants to procure the necessary papers to get Jessica out of the city. He entertained the idea of going back with her, but it would've been highly suspicious if both left at the same time.

'_**And the fact that you ain't ready to go home yet has nuttin' to do with it, right?**_'

Ignoring his inner struggle he focused on helping Jessica. They poured through maps of the city and it's environs, searching for the ideal entry point, possible safe ways to enter and leave TC and what to tell Max...which was nothing.

After a couple of weeks of planning Logan said goodbye to Jessica as she took a bus to nearby San Diego, then to catch a flight to Eugene, Oregon, where she would 'acquire' a car and reach Seattle on yet another identity. As they hugged goodbye Logan promised to make the trip for the birth, and let her go.

TBC...

(no, really!)


	12. Logan Again

**AN: Well, it was a little more than three weeks, but at least it's still July! Merry Christmas in July, peeps! As always, many thanks to the usual suspects from DAR, and as advertised, this chappie was not sanitized by Shywr1ter, so any and all SNAFU's are solely my responsibility.  
**

**Chapter 12 – Logan again.**

**Los Angeles, April 8 2022 9.30 PM**

The usual Friday night crowd filled the place, the mix of music and a hundred different conversations soothing Logan.

After so much time in Terminal City he still felt uncomfortable spending too much time alone. He thought back to his years as Eyes Only, how he had isolated himself from the world he tried to fix, how he had convinced himself that he was alright on his own. He probably had been, in a way. After his divorce he had retreated to his penthouse, had shunned human company as much as possible. One of the things that he had mulled about in the months he though Max was dead, and many times again as he struggled to salvage their relationship since her return was that he didn't want to be alone. It was safer, yes, but he hadn't wanted to be alone since Max crashed into his neat, tightly controlled life. She had made him feel alive again, part of the world outside; at first living it vicariously through stories of her daily life, then with her. Truth was, he couldn't stand to be alone anymore. He needed the noise, the heat of the crowd pressing around him to feel alive. He would rotate places, but he went out every night, escaping the stark reality of his apartment.

He had never been to this bar before, it was right across town from his home, but he was just walking by when he saw a group of young people laughing as they went in, and felt compelled to follow them, to try and share the almost forgotten feeling of being young and carefree.

Logan had managed to get a stool by the bar, close to the exit, and proceeded to get drunk. He was nursing his third scotch when he noticed the arrival of a new bartender, a young blonde girl. There was something about her that drew his attention, but he couldn't quite get what it was. She was beautiful, yes, with long wavy hair gathered in a single ponytail reaching half down her back, her features soft yet remarkable, like her eyes: they were a strange sight, seemingly changing from green to light blue as the lights played across her face. She was petite, about 5'6", a little shorter than Max, but still a breathtaking sight. Thinking of Max - comparing the two women - he realized that this was the first time since he had left Seattle that he had done so. It surprised him, and he felt a mix of joy and sadness: joy that perhaps he was starting to let go, that he might actually find a way to be happy without her, and sadness...well, for exactly the same reason.

It wasn't until she was standing in front of her, holding the bottle of scotch that he realized he had zoned out. Probably been staring at her, too.

"Uh, sorry?"

"I said, do you want a refill? You've been staring at me for a while now, so I thought you might be ready for another one." There was a small, playful smile dancing on her lips. He had been staring, then. She probably was used to it by now. At least, she didn't seem offended...

"Yeah, I could use another one. Care to join me?"

The blonde lifted an eyebrow, regarding him appraisingly. Logan guessed he seemed harmless enough, as she smiled at him and produced a second glass.

"Sure." She splashed a generous amount of the amber liquid on each glass before raising her glass in his direction. "Cheers. So what's your story?"

"My story? What do you mean?"

"Well, you're alone, drinking hard liquor instead of beer, on a Friday night. Not the usual crowd in this joint."

"I just...like the company. The noise. It helps me relax. I'm Stephen, by the way"

"Jenny. Don't remember seeing you here before."

"First time. I was just passing by, and felt like drinking. No real mystery here, sorry."

Logan was enjoying himself, he found it easy to talk to Jenny. He guessed it was mostly because she was behind the bar, it made it easy for him to just talk to the idea of the bartender rather than the actual person. But there was something about her, something familiar, soothing. Or maybe he was just a little drunk. Either way, he wasn't going to over-think it. Downing his drink he motioned for a refill.

"What's your story? What are you doing here? Besides the obvious. "

"Are you seriously asking what's a girl like me doing in a place like this?"

Logan laughed at that. It did sound stupid. 'Hmm, I guess I'm really losing my touch'

"Well, in a way I am." Ignoring her amused snort he continued with a smile. "You don't seem the type to do bar-tending, or waitress for that matter. And no, I don't mean 'you're too beautiful to be here'. Although you are. Beautiful, that is. But you knew that. And I'm rambling. Anyway, my point is that you carry yourself with too much confidence and grace to just settle for a job like this." Logan was starting to get nervous. He was out of his depth and he knew it. He wanted to keep talking to Jenny, he liked her sense of humor, her no-nonsense attitude. Again, it reminded him of Max, and while he wasn't ready to dwell on that just yet he didn't want her to go either.

"I'm sorry, I'm not making much sense, am I? Tell you what, let's start again. Hi, my name is Ste..."

"Logan? I thought you were dead!"

Logan stiffened, his hand clenching on the glass. He closed his eyes a moment, trying to calm his racing heart. After a moment, he turned and looked at the woman standing a few feet to his left, a look of confusion marring her pretty face. He catches a glimpse of Jenny, her smile suddenly gone, leaving an expressionless mask behind.

'_Ah, of course. I sure know how to pick them..._'

_**'Yeah, no kiddin. And to think all that time and money Lydecker spent, all he needed was to let you loose across the country...**_'

'_Shut up._'

"Logan? What are you doing here? We caught your...show, and then we saw the news, first the posters, and then the...thing...with the Sector Police. We saw the pictures, and then read your obit. We tried reaching you, but all your numbers were disconnected, and the email account you gave me was deleted. I thought they had finally caught you." She smiled, suddenly. "God, I'm glad to see you!"

Next thing he knew, she was hugging him. His first reaction was to return it. It had been a long time since anyone had touched him like this, and he missed it. But then everything that had happened in the last year and half came crashing on him. Despite everything they had gone through together, all the help they had given each other, she was still _her_ sister. _Her_ family.

_'Not mine. Never mine.'_

Sighing sadly, he pulled away from her, gently but firm. He knew he wouldn't be able to help himself if he stayed there. She had helped him, saved his life, and it would be all to easy to fall back into the same routine. And he knew that this time he wouldn't make it. He couldn't stay near her without thinking about Max. And that way led to madness.

"I'm sorry. You have me confused with someone else. My name is Stephen."

"What...? What's wrong, Logan?"

"Logan Cale died five months ago. He's dead and buried. And he should stay that way."

Logan stepped away from the bar and walked toward the door. Struggling with himself he stopped, and turned sideways to look at her again. There was anger, confusion and hurt in her eyes. She looked so much like her sister... Nodding to himself, he made a decision.

"She's still alive, you know? Both of them are. Take care of yourself Syl. Goodbye."

**Logan's Apartment, April 9 2022 1.30 AM**

Logan was angry.

He had started drinking as soon as he got home. He just sat there in the dark with a bottle of Glenfiddich, absently stroking Sasha's head, resting on his lap. Of the many things that could have gone wrong, this was one of the worse. Not only had his new identity been compromised, he had gone and told Syl where to find Max. The last thing he wanted was to be back on Terminal City's radar. Not that anyone there would actually want to find him...

_**'Bullshit. You want her to find you. You want her to **_**want**_** to find you.'**_

_'Yeah, well...I don't see that happening.'_

He cursed his stupidity once again. He should've kept his mouth shut; Syl probably would have found about Max sooner or later. He didn't need to send her.

_**'So why didja?'**_

_'I don't know...'_

_**'Liar.**__'_

Logan sighed tiredly. Yes, he did know. He wanted Max to be happy. And her sister would make her happy. And Syl had been there for him when he had needed help. Had saved his life. She deserved the truth. Deserved to see her sister again.

Suddenly, he felt Sasha stirring, growling low at something behind him. Logan petted her trying to calm her, but Sasha remained stiff and alert. Then he felt something, a familiar presence in the room. Without turning on the lights, Logan shifted his body, sitting sideways in the couch, his right leg tucked in, right arm over the couch's backrest. Facing the window he addressed the person he knew would be there.

"Hello Syl. What brings you here at this time? "

"Cut the bullshit, Cale. You wanna play the mystery man? Fine. Just answer me a couple of questions and I'll let you to your booze. What did you mean, 'she's alive'?"

"It means exactly what you think it does. She didn't actually die that night. The X-7 took her inside, she got a heart transplant and was sent to Psi Ops for re-indoctrination. She escaped about three months later, when I was about to make my final broadcast." Logan paused, as his mind was assaulted by a flood of memories and emotions. "Long story short. they were exposed and decided to cauterize the place. When she came in I kissed her, and then we discovered that she'd been injected with a genetically engineered retrovirus, keyed to my DNA. It almost killed me. And then there was _him_. Her breeding partner."

"Her WHAT?"

"After you blew the DNA lab the new director decided to replenish her ranks in the old fashioned way, assigning most X5 and some x6 to the breeding program, ordering them to have sex every night until every female got pregnant. And your sister showed up at my apartment with his breeding partner in tow, with orders to drag me back to Manticore if she wanted the antigen. I guess she didn't like to be played like that, because she kicked his ass and sent the broadcast. Then she went back and got the antigen. I didn't die. Yay me."

Syl was shaken by all the information. Her sister was alive. And she had a virus that would kill Logan if they touched. Add to that the guy she had to fuck in Manticore, who not only was still alive but hanging around...as much as her sister loved the man sprawled in front of her, and as much as Syl knew Logan loved Max, she understood what could have happened. While Syl would've never submitted willingly, and she didn't think Max would've either, if her breeding partner was still around and breathing meant one of two things: Max either was coerced or convinced that it was the best option, or she fought it tooth and nail and the guy was still hanging around out of self protection, attaching himself to a X-5 with the necessary skills to survive outside, and maybe trying to get himself some. In any case, she had the feeling that Logan was keeping a lot from her; he wasn't lying, that much was obvious, as was his pain, but he was holding something back.

"So what happened? Why are you here? I caught a few of your hacks, and you were pretty vocal in your defense of transgenics. What changed?"

"Nothing. Everything. It doesn't matter. She still has the virus, she's with _him_, won't talk to me, refuses to be in the same room with me unless it concerns work. So when I was exposed and became number two in the NSA's Most Wanted list I decided it was time to worry about my own hide for a change. I arranged for my 'death', a very public one, and left Seattle. I'm trying to make a fresh star here, Syl. I'm through with Seattle...and her. That said, I remember what you did for me, and I'm not going to forget it any time soon - but I'll try. I owe you, and if you or your siblings ever need my help, you have only to ask. But I need you to promise me, you won't tell anyone where I am."

"Anyone? Or Max?"

"You know the answer to that. She pushed me away, used me, and tossed me aside when she was done. I'm not interested in being under her thumb again."

Syl cocked an eyebrow, intrigued. For someone that didn't want anything to do with transgenics he was leaving himself wide open. He was smart, resourceful and very capable. A good ally, and a dangerous enemy. She wondered what exactly had happened between him and Max to make him so angry and bitter.

"So what, now you hate my sister?"

"Hate her? No, not now. I did hate her for a while, but that went away. I still love her, though. I never stopped loving her, and never will. But I don't trust her, either. She used me, cheated on me, and I just can't take it anymore. I _won't_. I'll help you and the rest of your siblings as best a I can, but I've had enough of X5-452."

"Logan...she loves you."

"Maybe she did, once. I'm not so sure about that. But she made it very clear to me that she doesn't love me now. Not for a long while. She can barely stomach my presence." Logan sighed tiredly." Syl...I'm sorry, but she's not the person you saw two years ago. Whatever they did at Manticore changed her. She's...colder, harder. Not the woman I fell in love with. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you. But I'm sure she will be happy to see you, she's spent the last thirteen years searching for you, she'll be happy to see you."

"Where is she? How can I contact her?"

"I'll tell you, on one condition. You never tell her where I am, or that you got this intel from me. Deal?"

Syl looked at him. She could see Logan perfectly in the darkened room. He looked like shit. Older, harder. It hurt her to see him like this. Max had considered him family, and so did she.

Syl remembered the frenzied, determined look on his eyes as he decided to take the fight to Manticore, and seeing him so defeated made her want to comfort him. But she knew him well enough to realize that the last thing he wanted now was to feel pitied. He kept the lights off knowing that she could see him, but also because that way he could pretend he was alone. She didn't know what to do to help him, so decided to leave Logan to figure things out for himself, and get her answers from Max.

Even if her sister didn't want anything to do with him, she had no intention of letting Logan wallowing in self pity. She didn't let him kill himself before, she damn well wasn't going to let him do it now. If not for Max, then for the rest of her family. He had risked his neck to warn them, had fought beside them against Manticore, and had given Krit and her access to his resources and contacts to locate the rest of her family after Zack was captured. It had taken them almost two years to find them all, but with Johndy here in L.A. the family was again in contact, and considering the current situation they had gathered in one place for safety. She had decided to go to Seattle for a while, visit with Logan and Original Cindy, to be near the people Maxie had loved so much. But after the information Logan had given her, the things he had said and the things he didn't, she was reluctant to take the whole unit there.

Considering the tension in Seattle caused by Terminal City's inhabitants, she decided to search for Max alone, or maybe with Johndy, talk to her and then make up her mind. Maxie was SiC, so unless Zack was around she was in charge. And she wasn't ready to put all their lives in her hands before talking to her. Then something Logan had said earlier flashed back in her mind.

_Zack._

Logan had said 'both of them are'. Maybe he had meant that Zack was also out there? And then another thought sneaked in. They all knew Zack had less than brotherly feelings for Maxie. Maybe...if they both were at Manticore when the Breeding Program started, it made sense to pair them up, being the top two of their class. It put everything in a new perspective. She hated to ask, but she needed to know.

"Logan?"

"Hmm?"

"You said 'both of them are'. What did you mean? It's Zack, isn't it."

She saw Logan's face fall at that.

"Yeah...yes, Zack's alive. After they harvested his organs-"

"What!"

"Oh...I didn't tell you that before, huh...OK, let me start from the beginning."

Half an hour later Syl was sitting across from Logan. The room was bathed in soft, warm light, from a lamp that sat beside the couch. She knew that it had taken Logan a great deal of effort to turn it on, abandoning the safety of darkness to face her. She was still reeling from the enormity of everything that had happened her siblings in the last two years. She wasn't sure what was more unbelievable, Zack as an amnesiac cyborg or a evil cult bent on world domination...

"OK. OK...Let's say I'm buying all this. Are you sure Max is still in Terminal City?"

"As sure as I can be without going back there to check. She and her boyfriend were in charge. And Zack was still at the farm six months ago. What, if anything, changed since then, I don't know."

"Well, can you check?"

"No. I'm dead, remember? I'll give you the phone number and address, you can call them and check yourself. Tell them I left instructions for you to check; they know me and Max, know his name, and that he's Max's brother. As for Max...I've had the Informant Net scouring the country for any piece of information on you and your brothers and sisters, so I can send in a report through about a sighting, and let them make first contact. Or you can just show up and ask for refuge there."

"Logan...you should come. Try and talk to her. I know it's hard, not one of us has had a good track on relationships. But you loved her, and I know she loved you. You should try-"

"No. I tried, and I tried. I tried loving her, and she gave up. Cheated on me and dumped me when I found out. I tried to be her friend, and she pushed me away. I tried being her ally, and she abused my trust. I love her, and I don't think I'll ever get over her, but I don't trust her. No, it's best for everyone if I stay dead."

"Is it? This is what's best for you? Hiding away, drinking in the dark? What a bout your mission?"

Logan leaned back as if slapped. He blinked a few times, letting the words sink in, then drained his glass in one long pull, slamming it down on the side table.

"I mean, are you happy leaving it in someone else's hands?"

"I didn't."

"What?"

"I didn't leave it in someone else's hands. I deleted the Informant Net. Destroyed everything. And still it's up and running after four months. Someone rebuilt it from the ground up, and it's doing my work. Better than I ever did. So you see, I'm not needed in Seattle, by anyone. Let me be, Syl. Please."

Syl leaned back. While she had spent a short amount of time with Logan, she had come to know him. She had been surprised and confused by the intensity of the older man, the fire in his eyes matching the strength of his character, his belief in justice above everything else. He wasn't blind or deluded, he knew that the world was a huge gray area; he just refused to accept it without a fight. She had read about men like this, righteous, honorable men that put heir ideals and beliefs above themselves.

Logan was a fucking hero. A living, breathing hero. Something she had thought impossible to find in these days. She had been taught that people were stupid and selfish, weak and morally corrupt. And all she had seen in the years since she had escaped had shown her that it was pretty much true, with a few exceptions. But Logan...he was something else altogether. After the attack on Manticore she had spent may nights talking with Logan and Original Cindy, asking questions about her sister. Logan told her of their missions, their dinners and conversations. Original Cindy painted quite a different picture of Max, a tough, wild girl who didn't let anyone rule her life...until Logan came along. When Logan revealed his identity to Cindy, a lot of the stories she had told them made sense: how Max would drop everything when he paged her, all her late night visits and all the confusion and anger that she showed to her best friend. Cindy never quite understood why Max would put up with all the drama and trouble she did for an arrogant, rich white boy...but being the main enforcer for Eyes Only...that was another matter. That, as much as their shared pain over Max's death, bonded Cindy and Logan over the first few months.

So Syl wasn't ready to just give up and leave Logan, not like this. She had stopped him from killing himself in grief, and she intended to see him get through heartbreak as well. No matter what he thought at the moment, he _was_ family. And she had lost enough of them.

"OK, Logan. I'll drop it, for now. But I want you to promise me you won't do anything stupid while I'm gone."

Logan snorted, and poured himself another drink. He emptied in one long swallow before answering.

"I'm not going to kill myself, Syl. Well, not again. I came here to start a new life, and I intend to do just that. You and your siblings are always welcome, as long as we understand each other: I'll do whatever I can for you, but you leave me out of your 'reunion' with her. Agreed?"

Syl huffed, annoyed. She felt his pain, it was real, but there were many things that went unsaid, and she didn't have the time to drag them out of him. He was a stubborn man, after all. She would talk to Max first, get the other side of the story, and then she would talk to him again.

"Agreed. Just give me the numbers and I'll take care of the rest."

Logan took a small note pad from his desk and scribbled a couple of phone numbers and addresses, and directions to Buddy's farm. As he gave them to Syl he hesitated, unsure of what to say.

"I was wondering...just out of curiosity, who was that at the bar? She's X5, that much is clear. Is she one of yours?"

"Yeah, that's Johndy, the last one. It took us a long time to find her, she'd moved a couple of times but after losing contact with Zack she came back to her former job."

"Johndy, huh? Ma- _she_ always talked about her, how Johndy was the one closest to her at Manticore. Zack paired them up the night of the escape... Anyway, here you go. Good luck with her. I meant what I said earlier, she's not the same person. Be careful."

"I always am. See you in a few weeks, Logan."

She turned to leave, and it was only her enhanced hearing that allowed her to catch his whispered response, as he turned off the lights and kept drinking in the dark.

"Yeah, sure..."

Syl jumped off from the balcony to the street below, signaling to Johndy to follow her.

"Who the hell is he? How does he know so much about us?"

"Come on Jon, I know you heard everything. He was Maxie's boyfriend, as much as both denied it. She defied Zack and stayed behind in Seattle three times, for him. Besides we owe him. You owe him. He was the one who alerted us when Lydecker was on our trail."

"What? You mean that drunk there was Eyes Only?"

"Don't judge him, Jon. You don't know what he's been through. Now go to your apartment to pack, I'll meet you there in an hour. We're going to Seattle.

**Terminal City, April 10 2022 08.45 AM**

Max strode purposefully through the city towards the Command Center, her mind set on the task ahead. Cindy had set her straight again, forced her to see what was in front of her, instead of what she wished it to be. As much as she hated the idea, Logan had trusted her to take care of the X6, and she had fucked it up. So she would go there, talk to the little bitch and make sure she was taken care of, and then she would ask nicely about Logan. She would. _Once_.

Max entered the main building of the Command Center, and walked towards the main bank of computer terminals and monitors that was the nerve center of the city's communication and surveillance systems. The transgenics on duty glanced at her and gave her a respectful nod before going back to their duties. Max smiled, pleased that she had finally broken most of the transgenics from the custom of standing to attention and saluting every time she came into the room.

Walking past them, she eyed the small room that served as her office, and next to it Alec's. Both were empty.

Frowning, she turned back to the transgenic on watch.

"Hey Stig. Do you know where Alec is?"

"Yes, he left word for you that he would be at the infirmary with the new girl, the X-6. Somethin' about a checkup."

"Thanks."

Max steadied her breathing as she made her way to the infirmary. It did make sense to have Miri check her out, see how Jessica was doing, make sure the baby was OK, yet Max couldn't suppress a flash of annoyance as she thought about the young girl.

'_Well, at least it's not murdering rage anymore..._'

Max sighed again, and steeled herself as she stood in the doorway to the Infirmary. Squaring her shoulders, she opened the door. As she enter the room Alec, Miri and Jessica looked up to her. Miri's eyes were gentle as usual, and Alec gave her a level, scrutinizing gaze, gauging her temper. But Max had only eyes for the slight, graceful X-6 sitting on a gurney.

Jessica returned her glare, jutting up her chin. Max could see her struggling to hold her glaze, trying to defy her authority; and for a few moment, she did. When Jessica finally dropped her eyes Max heard Alec and Miri relax. The tension in the room was palpable, and Max had to force herself to relax. She was still pissed at the girl, but was honest enough to acknowledge that all her animosity and dislike of her stemmed from Jessica's bond with Logan, and not anything she had done or said.

Max still hated the thought of the little slut touching her man, but Original Cindy was right; when in heat, all bets were off. Max had resisted most of her heath phases, but the first three had been a terrifying, grueling time for her. The first time she thought she'd die. She'd been all alone, just like Jessica. And she had let herself go, given in to her lust-fueled urges. She had been no better than Jessica. She was being unfair to the young girl.

'_Yeah, whatever..._'

Tearing her attention from her, Max turned to Miri and Alec, letting her anger bleed out.

"OK, talk to me. How is she?"

"Well, she's alright, although I would prefer to give her the usual dose of pre-natal vitamins and diet, just to be sure. Someone took good care of her so far, so I don't foresee any problems..." Miri's voice trailed off as she saw Max's eyes hardening with anger. She glanced at Alec in confusion, sensing a problem. "Max...?"

Max huffed, letting go of the hurt and anger. _Of course_ Logan took care of Jessica, he was always doing that kind of shit.

A memory flashed through her mind then..._his hand on hers, his cool, soft fingers caressing her fevered brow, smoothing back his sweat matted hair from her face as he promised not to leave her, Max relaxing for the first time in her short life, and letting his deep, melodious voice lull her into sleep as the tryptophan eased her seizures... _

Cursing herself for her weakness, Max focused her attention back on Miri and Alec. Catching his eyes, she motioned with her head for him to follow and stepped outside. Of course, it was just an illusion of privacy; both knew that Jessica and Miri could hear them perfectly well, but Max needed the physical distance.

"Well? What did she tell you?"

Alec rolled his eyes in annoyance, crossed his arms and leaned back in the wall. He seemed reluctant to talk.

"Look Max, you have to understand something. Jessica has spent a lot of time outside, having a real life. Not as much as you or your 'family', but she was on assignment, which means she never had to run, or hide. She was allowed to fit in, to a degree. She knows a lot more, is much more confident in what and who she is than anyone else here, except for you. Her first heat shattered that, but she's still a far cry from the usual refuges and stragglers we still get on occasion. She understands a lot about her feelings, and right now she has one thing very clear in her mind: Logan is her friend, and we, and by that I mean you and me, are not. She has seen him, spent time with him and has spoken with him at length, and as far as she's concerned, we are the bad guys."

"That's ridiculous! She doesn't know anything about me, about Logan and me!"

"Yes she does, Max. Logan told her."

"What? Why would he tell her anything? It makes no sense."

Alec rubbed his face tiredly. Even after all that had happened, all the tears and pain Max was still fucking blind when it came to Logan. Stepping away from the door, he grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at him.

"Max! Listen to what I'm saying. _Of course_ Logan talked to her! He was in pain, alone and angry. You never wanted to talk about your feelings. Logan never had that problem, in fact he always tried to talk with you, tried to explain what he felt for you! So when he found someone who understood what it all meant, who was willing to listen, he told her everything. _Everything, _Maxie."

Max's breath caught in her lungs, felt the bitter, burning taste of bile in her throat as a cold panic seized her. Until now the full story was something only Alec and Original Cindy knew, and she still had not told them everything. She still hid some details from her closest friends, in shame and regret. Things only Logan knew. She had told Alec and O.C. about the night she had lied to Logan, but never given them any details. Never voiced out loud the pain in his eyes, the way his voice broke as he begged her to reassure him, to tell him that his fears were unfounded. Her heart broke again as she remembered that night.

She had made Eyes Only beg. Made him cry. She had broken a man that had stood tall against Manticore, against the Reds, had risked his life for her, had killed for her.

Max reined in her emotions, and with a heavy sigh turned back to Alec.

"Do you...do you know what he told her?"

"Not the specifics, but enough. Enough that she was reluctant to come. Enough that she would've never told us anything about him, had we not found out. Enough for her to hate you, and loathe me. Enough for Logan to have her loyalty." Alec shock his head and let and annoyed snort. "And I _still _don't know what the _fuck_ you all see in him."

Max smiled at last. She knew what she had to do. She would have to earn every ounce of respect and trust from Jessica. Show her that what she did, she did out of love and concern for him, that no matter how badly she had fucked things up she really did love Logan, and had always done what she thought best for him. She blinked, shocked once more at the enormity of her mistake. It had made so much sense, then. It had seemed like the best and only option to ensure Logan's safety. She just wished she had devoted as much time, energy and ingenuity in finding solution, instead of dwelling on the problem. Taking a deep, calming breath she stepped back into the room.

TBC...(soonish)


End file.
